Monthly Archives: November 2015

Frequently Asked Questions VIII

Links to FAQ I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII

How do you like the new space?
We like it.

What are we listening to?

Does the owner like White people? 
Why do you ask?

Why is he yelling at me?  
He’s not yelling at you.  He’s yelling above the sound of the blender.

Will owner teach a dance class?
Yes. He’ll teach Gangnam Style starting summer of 2016.

Christmas Gift Ideas
Which juicer should I get?

Why not the Green Star, the one you use?
Too hard to clean for most people. You’ll end up selling it to us for half the price you paid for it.

Which blender should I get?  

Why not the Vitamix, which is what you use?
Costs $150 more than the Blendtec.  The tamper that comes with Vitamix is important for commercial use, not so much for residential use. We’ll explain some other time.

Which cookbooks do you recommend?
On Food and Cooking: Science and Lore of the Kitchen.  No recipes or porn in this book, just the fundamentals you need to make your own recipes.

Speaking of porn, how’s the porn novel coming along?  
This question doesn’t belong in this section.

Future Plans
Any new projects planned?  
Yes.  Two bistros: Redneck Bistro and The Peasant and the Douchebag.

What will they serve?
Redneck Bistro will serve old school redneck cuisine: oxtail, pig’s feet, gizzards, moonshine, collard greens. We’re going to remind people that much of high end cuisine today has its roots in redneck culture.

The Peasant and the Douchebag will introduce diners to peasant food from around the world (eg. liver pate, congee) and contrast it with douchebag cuisine (eg. kobe beef burger).  We want Americans to think about their immigrant heritage.

When will they open?
Aiming to open one by January 2018. Need to stabilize the new businesses

Has owner considered a juice truck?
Yes, he expects one to be for sale within 2 years.  Not saying he’ll buy it.

If he were to buy it, where would it be located?
Near Premera Blue Cross campus in Mountlake Terrace Monday-Thursday, downtown Everett Fridays.

Can I complain about a bad experience with an employee?
Yes, but don’t embellish.  If you get caught making up shit, you’ll be placed on the shit list. If your story checks out, owner and employee apologize to you.

Has that ever happened?
Yes, many times.  Again, don’t embellish (and most people do).

Why won’t the owner return my call?
You didn’t identify yourself and the purpose of your call.  

Why did you fire her?  She’s so nice and sweet!
That’s your penis talking, not your head.

Why doesn’t anyone take my order?
You’re supposed to call out your order the moment you decide. Wait for confirmation, then relax.

Why does owner insist on doing it this way?  
It’s more efficient, saves on labor, keeps costs down. You can pay $1 if you want “better” (but slower) service.

When will the clothing store open?
Aiming for January 1st, 2016.  Still under construction.  Sorry sorry sorry…