DEFINITIONS

Good etiquette: rules of conduct to maximize efficiency and to keep costs down while benefiting the greater good.

Bad etiquette: rules of conduct that allows one to covertly spotlight one’s narcissistic needs (eg. recognition as world’s nicest person) at the expense of the greater good.

PHONE
If placing an order:

• Don’t ask how we’re doing. You don’t see what’s going on on our end so don’t waste time.
• Place your order in as few words as possible to minimize communication errors.  Wait for us to repeat order back to you.  If correct, let us know it’s correct. If incorrect, start over and repeat process.

If you want to speak to manager or owner

• Don’t ask how we’re doing.  You don’t see what’s going on on our end so don’t waste time with small talk.
• Identify yourself and the purpose of your call immediately, before you ask to speak to someone, and especially before you start trying to sell us this and that.

*Failure to follow etiquette means we’ll hang up on you.
* It’s bad manners to ask how someone is doing if you don’t care how they’re doing.

ORDERING

• There are NO lines. Don’t even think about starting one, the space isn’t designed for that.
• Take your time to decide, but CALL OUT your order the MOMENT you decide, even if you don’t see anyone or all employees look busy. Unlike most everyone else in your life, we’re always listening to you, even when we’re busy.
• Wait for someone to confirm your order.  Once confirmed, chill/hangout/relax.  Lots of cool toys for you to play with while waiting for order.
• You DON’T need to SHOUT out your order unless the blenders are on or you’re calling out your order from like the bathroom or the dance studio.  Just be loud enough that someone will hear you.
• DON’T start asking other customers if they were there first.  Or if they’d like to go ahead of you — especially when it’s clear they’re not ready to order — even though you’re ready to order. Such behavior won’t get you into the Kingdom of Heaven, God will go Sodom and Gomorrah on those who pull that kind of shit because it’s an example of covert narcissism.

Showing Gratitude

• Don’t overdo it, less is more.  One “thank you” per transaction, not the 3-5 we typically hear.  Politeness grandstanding doesn’t make one a better person, often it’s a sign of social ineptitude and vileness of character.
• “Please” is unnecessary. I get it, some of you are asking us for a favor, to give you what you want (which we don’t have to do).  But this is still a transactional exchange, where it’s given that we’ll be taking your money in exchange for product and service.  Also, “please” adds a layer of formality that’s unnecessary in a business that tries to be as informal as possible.
• “Polite” fillers like “when you get a chance,” or “if you don’t mind,” aren’t just meaningless phrases, they increase chance of misunderstanding.  The more you say, the higher the chance for misunderstanding. Be concise, say only what needs to be said.

Rude Behavior

Below are examples of common rude behavior: 

• Asking “how are you?” while walking away from person you’re asking the question. Don’t ask questions you don’t mean to ask. Just say “hi” if that’s all you mean to say.
• Asking questions and then not listening to someone’s response because you assume you know how they will respond  .
• Treating others as you want to be treated.  Not everyone wants to be treated as you want to be treated. The world does not revolve around you.

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* Failure to follow etiquette means no service or the worst service you’ll ever experience. So bad that you’ll remember it on your deathbed.

*Those who follow etiquette get perks, like free chips and brownies, and get the best service they’ll ever experience in the whole_wide_world.