Frequently Asked Questions VII

Links to Parts I, II, III, IV, V, VI,


When are you moving to new location?
Aiming for June 1st.  Depends on construction.

Why don’t you offer coffee and sandwiches?  
Lease restrictions placed by  Starbucks and Subway prevent us from doing so.

Why don’t you hire that person who works next door? 
We try to maintain good relations with our neighbors. Poaching creates problems.  Best to not fuck the neighbor’s daughter.

Will there be new menu items when you move to new space?

What would you offer?
We’d like to expand our baked goods offerings, adding, for instance, vegan gluten-free brownies (made from black beans, so very protein and fiber dense). Random daily specials, similar to what’s offered in our to-go meals.  Example: salmon masala w/rice and beans and 3 veggies.  We’re considering self-serve cereal.  And maybe something that’s not quite a sandwich.  Suggestions are welcome.

What if Subway catches you making something similar to a sandwich?  
It’s not ok to fuck the neighbor’s wife, but it’s ok to fuck someone who looks like her.


Why does the owner look pissed all the time?
Would you rather he not look angry when employee puts an unwashed mango that could be contaminated with E Coli on a cutting board?

Fine, but why does he have to get on their case for little things, like fishing for a compliment? 
Flattery is the sound of the Devil’s laughter.  It leads people to do stupid shit like contaminate a cutting board or get knocked up by someone she’s embarrassed to marry.  Poor character is not acceptable.

How’s the porn novel coming along?
Working on chapter where she tattoos her name on his penis.  Seeking someone with tattoo on penis to help with details.

Can I add marijuana to the drink?

Do you take orders over the phone? 
Yes, and be concise when placing it.  Don’t ask how we’re doing, just get it done. You don’t know what’s happening on our end.

New Businesses

When did owner come up with idea for dance studio and vintage clothing store?
Been planning vintage clothing store for 2 years.  Dance studio was unplanned, wasn’t expecting twins.  Tried to put it up for adoption but no takers.

Which dance genres and vintage clothes will be offered?
Click here for dance.  Here for clothes.

Does owner take investment money?
Not yet.  Let’s work on his leadership skills and improve his character before letting  him play with other people’s money.

I got preggers from guy who was supposed to be a fling, I wasn’t planning on marrying him.Now my parents want me to marry him so I don’t seem like a low class slut to their friends. Should I?
No, people don’t change.  The baby won’t change him.  And there will be disaster when you and your parents try to change him.  Better to get through this alone. Americans are forgiving.  Prove yourself and you’ll be fine.

But it’s wrong to raise a baby without his father!
First, that sounds reactionary for someone who supposedly supports gay rights.  Second, no father is better than a shitty father.


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