We’re thinking of opening a virtual Chinese restaurant.

It would specialize in congee and fried rice. Sides include scallion pancakes, kimchi, and assorted Chinese veggies. The food travels well, so it’d work well with delivery services.  Those wondering what congee is, it’s a rice porridge that The Soup Nazi Kitchen already serves as specials.  It looks likes like this:

What’s so great about it?  Well, read about it in this excerpt from my upcoming novel, Teacher’s Pet Bully.

___________________________________________________

Annie returned to the kitchen.

“That was quick,” said Joan, chopping scallions.

“I told him we need girl-talk time,” said Annie, lifting the rice cooker lid. “Okay, this smells incredible. Since when did you start cooking Chinese food?”

“An Asian grocery store just opened in town,” said Joan, scraping ginger off the cutting board into a bowl. “So I’ve been Chinamaxxing, thanks to my TikTok feed. I’ll show you how to make dumplings next time we have a sleepover.”

“Mmm, that sounds like a scrumptious date,” said Annie, watching Joan crack eggs into the cooker. “So, what do you think? About Riley.”

“Well, I can see why he’s worth going to prison for.”

“So you’re revising your counsel?”

Joan stirred the pot. “Maybe.”

“Maybe what?”

“I need to get to know him better.” She brought a ladle to Annie’s lips. “Here, try.”

Annie’s eyes fluttered. “Oh my god, that’s amazing.”

“Healthy too. Lots of collagen from the chicken bone broth.”

Annie turned to her. “Are you revising your counsel?”

Joan set the rice cooker to Keep Warm. “Does it matter? Would you follow it?”

Annie went silent.

Joan pulled out bowls from the cabinet. “Based on current evidence, you won’t. I mean, the two of you fucked this morning, right?”

A smile spread across Annie’s face, her eyes brightening. “We did, counsel, though I prefer you call it ‘making love.’ So am I going to prison?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t met all the players in this game.”

“Is this a game?”

“It’s all a game, isn’t it? And you have to cheat to win.”

“What happens if I don’t cheat?”

“You hire an expensive lawyer. Otherwise, they’ll crush you.”

“And if I do cheat?”

“They’ll crush you even harder if you get caught. Then you’ll have to hire an expensive asshole lawyer.”

They heard Riley stomping snow off his boots on the porch.

“Will you have revised counsel after breakfast?”

Joan ladled congee into the bowls. “Maybe, but I need to know more about all players in this game. Like his girlfriend. Especially her. Sprinkle some scallions and ginger over the congee.”

The front door opened, Riley stepping in.

“Riley, that was quick,” called Annie, bringing bowls to the table.

“The snow is still light, so it was easy,” he said, entering the kitchen. He looked at the bowls on the table—thick, pale porridges he didn’t recognize, glossy from the heat, with coins of sausage and soft-yolked eggs half-sunk beneath the surface, scattered with scallions and ginger.

“What is this?”

“Congee,” said Joan, pulling crispy Chinese donuts from the air fryer. “Sit. Ever had a Chinese breakfast?”

Riley took a seat. “Never had Chinese for breakfast. Just for dinner, when I’m watching a movie.” He nearly mentioned Porter because that’s what she would order when they watched movies together.

Joan noticed the hesitation, placing the plate of donuts on the table. “Well, you’re going to try some today. It’s a complete meal, just the right balance of carbs, protein, and fiber. The leafy greens are yam leaves and Chinese donuts are sugar free.”

“This is amazing, Joan,” said Annie, swallowing a spoonful. “You should open a Chinese restaurant.”

Joan sighed, handing Riley a donut. “Maybe I should.” She pointed at it with her chin. “Dip it in the congee.”

“Aren’t you in law school?” said Riley.

“Yep,” said Joan. “And I’m regretting it.”

“Why?” said Riley. “This is really good, by the way. It’s different from the Chinese food I usually have.”

“The legal profession attracts idealists—red flag, red flag—who are either already manipulative assholes or will become so—precisely because idealists are easily manipulated—after a couple of years working as an attorney. They’re propagandists. Bullies, really.”

“Porter plans on becoming a lawyer,” said Riley, digging for a morsel of sausage.

Annie and Joan were caught off guard. Annie had already told him that Joan knew about Porter but was surprised that he’d bring her up so casually.

“Well, am I right?” asked Joan.

Riley paused to think. “Well, I don’t think she’s an idealist, even if she acts like one because that’s how Groton students are supposed to be. She’s pretty grounded, actually. Almost jaded.”

“She’s a Harriman,” said Annie. “As in Brown Brothers Harriman. Heard of it?”

Joan raised her eyebrows. “That explains the jaded part. And yeah. This guy I hooked up with interned there. He took me to one of their events.”

“Who?” asked Annie. “You never told me about him.”

“It was just a fling.”

Annie stopped herself from pressing, sensing that Joan had wanted it to be more than that. “I’m getting another bowl. Riley, ready for more?”

“Oh yeah,” he said, slurping the rest out of his bowl.

“Joan?”

Joan pressed a smile. “I’m good,” she said, rising. “I’ll bring another round of coffee.”

“Is Brown Brothers Harriman a big deal or something?” asked Riley. “Porter’s dad and brother work there.”

“You know she’s related, right?” said Annie, setting a bowl in front of him.

“Yeah, so?” Riley replied.

Joan poured coffee. “It’s the most prestigious private bank in the world.”

“So?” Riley asked.

“It means the Harrimans aren’t just wealthy, they’re powerful,” said Joan. “Like access to senators, intelligence agencies, people who don’t lose.”

“How do you know all this?” asked Annie.

Joan’s fingers curled around her mug. “Scott fucking Bessent and one of the Bush daughters was at the event I was at. I was like, what the fuck? So I did some research.”

Riley took a deep breath. “She never told me that. She made it sound like it’s just a family business.”

“That funds agendas of powerful people,” said Joan.

Riley stirred his bowl. “I didn’t know that.”

“Which means you don’t want to cross her,” said Joan, watching Annie. “Riley, is Porter a bully?”

He put his spoon down and thought for a moment. “Well, I haven’t seen much bullying at Groton, unless you count some good-natured hazing here and there.”

Annie reminded herself to ask him about that. She’d heard some lurid stories and wanted to know if the rumors were true.

“Groton really does feel like a tight-knit family,” he continued. “I mean, upperclassmen take care of underclassmen like they’re our little brothers and sisters.” He thought of Porter and Jenna Morkel. “I…I really don’t know. Porter is super competitive and intense, even by Groton standards. But she’s generally pretty nice, except with me sometimes, I guess,” he said, chuckling. “Most of the girls are just intimidated by her, that’s all. They’re like, in awe of her.”

Annie wiped her mouth. “Well yeah. I’m intimidated by her.”

Riley turned to her, putting his hand on her knee. “Why?”

Annie pressed a finger gun to his temple. “Riley, look at me.”

“I am.”

“Do I look intimidating?”

“Ever since you chucked a shampoo bottle at me, yes.”

Joan shook her head. “That’s felony assault, you monster.”

Annie’s face scrunched. “It was a tiny shampoo bottle! You’re making it sound like I gave you a concussion.”

“I think that was your intention,” said Riley, turning to Joan. “Joan, is that enough to send her to jail?”

Annie slapped him on the shoulder. “Not funny!”

He grabbed her hand before she could land another slap. He kissed it, looked into her eyes. “Annie. You’re the, uh, most b—intimidating woman I’ve ever set eyes on.”

Annie pulled her hand out of his and began slapping his shoulders with both hands. Joan was nearly doubled over and Riley did his best to dodge the assault.

Joan rapped on the table like a judge. “Order! Order in the court. You’re out of order, Miss Taylor.”

Annie settled back into her chair with a pout. Riley straightened in his, smirking.

“Miss Taylor,” began Joan, trying not to break into giggles. “You are guilty as charged. You are, in fact, an intimidating monster.”

Annie let out a puff. “What’s my sentence?”

Joan, laughing now, turned to Riley. “I don’t know. What do you think?”

Riley tapped his chin. “How about joining me on a ski trip, the White Mountains after Christmas? A couple of my buddies from junior hockey and I rented a cabin. They’re bringing their girlfriends.”

Annie turned to him. Joan gawked.

“Twenty-seventh to twenty-ninth, you up for it?”

Annie stared at him. “And you’re going to tell them that your date is your math teacher?”

“We don’t have to tell them you’re a teacher.” Riley shrugged. “You can be a classmate.”

Joan’s mouth parted. Annie’s pursed.

“You want me to pretend I’m a high school student?”

“You could pass,” said Riley. “Why not?”

“Do they know about Porter?” asked Joan.

“Yeah, they met her over the summer. I’ll just tell them that we broke up and you’re my girlfriend.”

“I’m your girlfriend?” said Annie.

“Well, are you?”

“I don’t know. You tell me.”

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

“Riley,” Annie said. “Where do your buddies go to school?”

“Both are at Dartmouth. They’re a couple of years older.”

“They’re from your hometown?”

“Yes.”

“Where did they go to high school?”

“One went to St. Paul’s. The other, Holderness. They got me the summer job at Holderness hockey camp.”

Annie rolled her eyes. “Why didn’t you ask Porter to go with you?”

“She’s going to Switzerland with her family to visit her sister.”

“So what am I, the backup plan?” Annie snapped.

Riley sighed. “No. I mean, we didn’t become a couple until, like, yesterday?”

“We’re a couple?”

“Well…are we? Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Annie went still. “I want to kick you in the face.”

“So, is that a yes?”

Annie sighed, turning to Joan. “Counsel, what is your advice?”

Joan turned to Riley. “What’s your intention with my best friend and your teacher, Annie Taylor?”

“I want to be her boyfriend, that’s all.”

“You do realize that she’s nearly twenty-five years old and is interested in marriage and babies?”

“I don’t want to have babies!” said Annie.

“You totally do, Annie. You’re just temporarily jaded.”

Riley leaned forward. “That’s going to be a problem, because I do. Should we break up?”

“You’re not my boyfriend!”

“Then what are we?”

“I don’t know!”

“Well, are we going skiing or not?”

“Porter will find out. And then I’ll go to prison.”

“She’s not going to find out,” he said in a flat tone. “Phone service there is wonky, she won’t be able to contact me.”

“Joan,” said Annie, looking exasperated. “Should I go?”

“Yes.”

“Explain.”

“Because either way, Porter will find out.”

 

 

Chapter Thirty
Begin Again

Riley and Annie got into her vehicle.

Annie started the engine and turned up the defrost. “You know, Joan’s hookup? You know why she called it that and didn’t tell me about it?”

“I don’t know.”

“It’s because she was hoping it’d be more than that. She wanted more but knew that he’d never take her seriously.”

“Why not? I mean, she’s cute, smart, and funny.”

“Have you ever read the New York Times Mergers and Acquisitions page?”

“No. Should I? What’s it about?”

“Mergers and acquisitions is a euphemism for marriage announcements.”

“Okay,” said Riley, watching the ice melt from the windshield.

Annie took off her mittens. “I’ll summarize.” She counted off on her fingers. “They list what each person does for a living, at which institution, and where they went to school.” She turned to Riley. “And you know what? Someone from Harvard never marries someone from UVM. It’s always Harvard merges with Dartmouth. Or Amherst gets with Wellesley. A Yalie marrying someone from Carnegie Mellon happens, but it comes off as slumming it.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Maybe, maybe not. Either way, that’s how it works in your world.”

“My world?”

“Yes, that’s going to be your world.”

He watched a couple of huskies playing in the snow, diving in and out of it.

“Isn’t that how it is at school?” she continued. “Starting in 5th form, junior year, does someone who ends up at University of New Hampshire ever date someone who ends up at Dartmouth?”

Riley shook his head. “I guess not. Except for hookups.”

“Exactly.” Annie began pulling out of the curb. “So she didn’t tell me because it would’ve been embarrassing and heartbreaking if it turned out to be a fling. And she was right.”

“How do you know where he went to school?”

“He interned at Brown Brothers. Where do you think he went to school?”

“Got it. It’s really beautiful today,” he said, looking around at the snow-topped brick buildings. “So how did she meet him?”

“Dating app, probably. Or maybe he picked her up somewhere. She was interning at Legal Aid in Boston.”

She pulled into the hotel parking lot. “Riley, you’re going to Princeton. And I’m not.”

“I’m not like those guys. And do we have to talk about this now?”

“Yes, we do have to talk about this now because I’m almost twenty-five years old, I’m not some 10th grader…”

“When’s your birthday?”

“January. January 22nd.”

“Oh shit. That’s not much time for me to make reservations and get you something.”

She grabbed him by the shoulder. “Riley, stay on topic.”

“My birthday is April 1st.”

“April Fool’s Day? Are you fucking with me?”

“No.”

“Alright, you know what? I’m just going to have fun over the weirdest winter break ever, we’re going to meet up in a few days and maybe we’ll talk about it then.”

“Okay. You want to come up with me?”

She hesitated. “No. I should get going and I’m pretty sore now. I’ll see you to the lobby door.”

They made their way there. Riley turned toward her and leaned in, pressing a kiss to one eyelid, then the other. When their lips met, she wrapped her arms around his neck. They held each other tight as the kiss deepened.

“I’ll miss you, Riley,” she said, patting him on the chest.

He tipped her chin up. “Annie, you’re the most…beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”

Annie chuckled. “Thanks.”

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” she whispered. “Have a safe drive. Call me tonight?”

“What time?”

“After you call Porter.”

“Ten then.”

“Okay.”

She stopped him just as he was about to turn away. “Wait,” she said, unwrapping her scarf from her neck. “Here, take this with you,” she said, handing it to him. “Something to remind you of me.”

Her eyes lit up when he smiled at her.

She watched him enter the lobby and headed back to her car. She turned on the engine and the soft guitar plucks of Taylor Swift’s “Begin Again” came through the speakers. Annie sat there a moment, hands on the wheel, watching the snow drift across the parking lot before she pulled out.

Here’s an update on the romance novel I’m writing for Swifties — Teacher’s Pet Bully.  It features an illicit affair between a student and teacher at an elite boarding school. In case you didn’t know, Taylor Swift, at age 22, did have a relationship with Connor Kennedy when he was a junior at Deerfield Academy. Not as scandalous as this story since he was 18 at the time.

Trigger warnings: illegal sex, assault, and weird sex.

Also, if you or someone you know wants to write a memoir or wants personalized stories (erotica included), leave a note. Writing and storytelling services are available.

Chapter Twenty-Eight
Gorgeous

 

Annie entered the hotel room like a cat. Riley was asleep on the bed, hair tousled and body spread wide. She quietly undressed and slipped under the covers in only panties. He stirred some to make room for her, and she put her head on his chest, pulling his arm around herself.

There she lay, savoring his musky and woodsy scent, counting time to the soft rhythm of his heart, the rise and fall of his breath lulling her to sleep.

The morning sunlight woke her. Propping herself on one elbow, she began scanning every bit of him, from the soft curls of his brown hair to the way they fell across his forehead. Her finger traced the slope of his nose, down across his cheekbones, along the sharp line of his jaw. Down to his collarbone, and lower, over the light dusting of hair on his chest. She mouthed the lyrics of a song running through her head:

And I’m so furious at you for making me feel this way.

Her hand drifted lower, over the fabric of his boxers. He was hard and it bounced when she ran her fingers along it, drawing a giggle she had to press into her own shoulder. She mouthed:

‘Cause you’re so gorgeous it actually hurts.

She pulled his cock free through the slit of his boxers and disappeared under the sheets.

She kissed the shaft of his cock once, making it bounce. Then another kiss and bounce, as if she were conducting a bioengineering experiment. Dragging her tongue slowly from the base to the tip, she could tell he’d showered last night. The taste of his precum was a mild mix of salty and sweet, and she wondered what he ate this past week.

She kissed the head softly. “Do you have a name?” she whispered to it. “You don’t? Well, that’s just wrong.” She kissed it again. “Hmmm, how about Erpie?” Another kiss. “Yeah, let’s call you Erpie.” She tapped the head. “Hi, I’m Annie. I’m hungry, can you feed me?”

She pulled his cock toward her mouth and swallowed it, taking it deeper and deeper as Riley stirred and let out a groan.

Riley woke at the first burst of jizz, startled and unsure where he was. He quickly pulled the sheets down to find messy curly dark hair bobbing up and down. She lifted her head, her smile wide with glistening milky white on her lips. “Good morning, Riley,” she said with a toothy smile. “I was just getting to know Erpie. I was hungry, so he fed me.”

He propped himself up on his elbows. “Who the fuck is Erpie?”

She pointed his flaccid cock toward him. “Riley, say ‘hi’ to Erpie. Erpie, wave ‘hi’ to Riley,” she said, waving it at him. “He’s your daddy.”

Riley flopped back onto the mattress. “Miss Taylor, Annie. You’re fucking nuts.”

She slid up his body, meeting him eye to eye. “Want a taste?” she said, sticking her tongue out.

“No!” he said, turning his head away.

“Oh, come on,” she said, pecking at him as his lips dodged hers. “This is your son! Somewhere in here,” she said, waggling her tongue.

He began tickling her, making her shriek until she rolled off the bed and onto the floor with a thump, taking the sheets with her.  He looked over the bed. “Are you okay?”

Annie was on her back, cackling on the floor, kicking her legs out of the tangle of sheets. “I hope so?” she said, catching her breath. “I think so?”

He got out of bed and pulled her up. She tried to kiss him so he pressed his hand over her mouth, his other hand holding the back of her head, trapping her as she tried to pry it off.

“No, Miss Taylor,” he said as she mumbled all sorts of mumbo jumbo. “Bad teacher! Naughty teacher!” His hand snapped off her mouth when she licked it and she tumbled onto the bed, laughing and writhing.

He took her ankles and spun her toward him, resting them on his shoulders. Reaching down, he pulled her panties off her hips and over her legs, tossing them at her face.

“Is this where I’m supposed to gag myself?” she asked, holding her panties with two fingers while watching him pull down his boxers to reveal his erection. She leaned forward. “Oh, hi Erpie,” she said, waving at it. “We meet again. You’re all grown up now, such a big boy.” She collapsed back into the mattress, chortling.

Riley snatched the panties and stuffed them into her mouth. She whimpered, her head wagging side to side as Erpie rubbed against her pussy a few times before entering her.

Her eyes went wide and she let out a muffled, stuttering sound that broke apart as he sank deeper. He pushed into her  again, finding a soldier’s pace with her legs draped over his shoulders, her hands reaching above her head, gripping the sheets.

Her toes curled, tits bouncing, teeth biting into the cotton as she let out a keening wail. His hands pressed down on her knees to spread her wider, his breath hitching as she arched her back and let out a ragged howl.

He settled his body on top of hers and she wrapped her legs around his torso, squeezing. There they lay, the clicks of the radiator softening into a release of steam.

He lifted his head and their gazes met, hers glassy, his tender. “I love you, Annie,” he whispered.

“I’d love it if you took this gag off of me,” she garbled.

“No kissing until you brush your teeth, okay?”

She nodded with a sheepish grin. He kissed her on the nose before pulling the panties from her mouth, tossing them onto the floor. She looked at him and they began chuckling.

The two brushed their teeth in the bathroom, standing stark naked next to each other. Her movements were sweeping and orchestral, like a conductor of a symphony, humming away. He was stoic, standing tall and brushing with march-like precision.

He stepped in the shower first, turning on the water. She followed and pulled him in for a deep and lingering kiss, her arms wrapped around his neck as she stood on her tippy toes.

She broke the kiss and looked into his eyes, her arms still wrapped around his neck. “Riley, do you know what ‘I love you’ means to someone like me?”

He paused, blinking like it was a trick question.

She began lathering her hair, scrubbing away. “Riley, why do you tell Porter you love her?”

He began washing his hair. “I don’t know. Because I’m supposed to?”

“Exactly,” she said, running her fingers through strands of her hair. “You’re dating and you say it because…because it sounds nice and makes the two of you feel all warm and fuzzy.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said, letting the water fall over his head.

“So what does it mean when you tell me you love me?” she asked, wringing the water out of her hair. “Is it the same as what you tell Porter?”

He began lathering his body. “No, it’s not.”

The confidence in his voice surprised her. “How not?” she asked, lathering her shoulders.

“I mean, I know I’m temporary for her,” he said, washing his crotch. “That’s her history. She came after me after Connor Kennedy got kicked out.”

She worked down her legs while checking out the striations along his thighs. “What happened to him, by the way? Where is he now?”

“He’s doing a post-grad year at Deerfield.”

“Damn pipeline,” she muttered, shaking her head.

“What?” he said, washing his toes.

“Nothing. We were talking about love.”

“Oh yeah, I love you, Annie.”

She grabbed the shampoo bottle and threw it at him, smacking him on the forehead. “Riley,” she yelled. “I’m almost twenty-five years old. Do you know what ‘I love you’ means to me?”

He finished washing his butt, and what a glorious butt it was, thought Annie. Smooth, hard, and round. She resisted the urge to grab it, to test whether it was as hard as it looked.

He straightened and looked at her, water running down his body, his cock coming erect. “It means you want someone to love you for more than a semester or two because it’s convenient. It means you want someone to love you for the rest of your life because he’s so in love with you that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.”

They stared at each other, his expression tender, hers bordering on rage.

“Riley,” she said, her face twitching. “Fuck me from behind.”

 

Any readers of romance thrillers want to be a beta reader for upcoming novel?  There’s an illicit affair, blackmail, forced sex…and math as central conceit and metaphor driving the plot. Takes place at an elite New England boarding school, with stops at a dairy farm in Vermont, University of Vermont campus, New York City. Especially interested in how readers take in math as metaphor — is shouldn’t be intimidating.

Oh, lots of Taylor Swift references. Swifties will love this novel, it’s inspired by You Belong With Me.

Here are some excerpts, stop in and ask about it if it holds your attention.

From Chapter 17, Coordinates

She walked over to the window where she used to watch him and leaned against the sill, looking out at the frozen pond. She could still see the two of them out there, that warm afternoon in early fall, fishing from the shore.

***

“This is my last year here,” he said. “School year, I mean. I’m going to boarding school next year.”

Annie turned to him, swallowing. “Where?”

“Exeter,” he said with a slight smile. “Phillips Exeter Academy. Heard of it?”

“No.”

“It’s in New Hampshire. It’s supposed to be one of the best schools in the world.”

“Why are you going there?”

“Hockey. They say they can get me into a school like Harvard. And maybe the NHL.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Will you visit home often?”

“Just holidays, I guess. Summers too.”

He showed her photos of Exeter on his phone, her eyes widening at each image. The Putney School was just a barn and squat colonial buildings, all familiar to her. Exeter was Georgian revival, with a library whose open atrium made it look like a cathedral. There was even a white domed observatory, perched on the roof of the science building, and hockey rinks—yes, plural—that didn’t look any different from where the Bruins played.

“Can I go with you?” she asked, just as her line caught a fish.

“Hey, look! You caught something,” he said, helping her reel in a trout.

The two stepped into the water to grab her catch.

“Well, can I?” she asked, watching him unhook the fish.

“Why not?” he said, setting it on the ground, putting it out of its misery with a smack of a rock. “You can apply for ninth grade.”

***

Leaving the barn, she took the path down to the pond. She stepped onto the ice and noticed it hadn’t been touched—no skate marks anywhere. Not many boys left in this part of town, and all the farmers were getting old. She slid across the pond, the dogs scrambling after her, claws scratching at the ice. She couldn’t think of anyone who planned to return to their parents’ farm. Everyone wanted to get the hell out of here.

***

“Mom, Dad, can I go to Exeter?” asked Annie during dinner. “Where Kevin is going.”

“What’s Exeter?” said Dad. “Sounds expensive.”

“It’s where Kevin is going to school next school year,” said Mom. “His mom just told me.”

“It’s one of those fancy boarding schools,” said Maddie, pulling a fish bone from her mouth.

“Then the answer is no,” said Dad. “We can’t afford it.”

“But Kevin’s parents can?” said Annie, her voice rising. “They don’t have a lot of money.”

Maddie put her utensils down and looked at Annie. “He’s a hockey recruit, so he gets to go to this fancy school for free, okay?” She started eating again. “And you’re not.”

“Do they recruit math students interested in astronomy?” Annie mumbled, looking down at her plate, picking at the fish.

“You’re not that smart, Annie,” snapped Maddie. “Addie Jacobson, last year’s valedictorian and school slut, applied to a bunch of those schools and got rejected by every single one of them.” She leaned in toward Annie. “So what makes you think you’re so special?”

“Maddie, stop talking to your sister like that,” said Mom.

“What?” said Maddie. “I’m just telling her the truth.” She pushed her plate away. “And these schools are full of teachers who molest their students, read the fucking news.” She turned to Annie, wobbling her head. “You want to be molested by your math teacher, don’t ja?”

Annie didn’t look up, tears welling in her eyes.

Dad pointed at the stairs, glaring at Maddie. “Go to your room. Right now, young lady,” he growled. “And you’re grounded for a week.”

Maddie shot up from her seat. “Fine, Heil Hitler,” she said, doing the Nazi salute before stomping away. “It’s not like I have anything better to do in this stupid cow town.” She stopped midway up the stairs and leaned over the banister. “And I hate fish!”

 

Chapter 19, Monster

Joan was waiting in line outside to get a table at Penny Cluse.

Annie snuck up behind her, covering Joan’s eyes with her mittens.

“Guess who?”

Joan grabbed her wrists. “Either it’s Annie Taylor or I’m being mugged by someone with very small hands.”

Joan spun around and the two let out squeals before embracing, bouncing together.

Joan took a step back, tilting her head and brushing barn dust off Annie’s coat. “Annie? You look different.”

Annie cupped her breasts. “Must be the boob job. Like ‘em?”

The two giggled as they stepped forward with the line. “No, seriously,” said Joan, lifting Annie’s chin. “I’ve never seen you like this. You look…cherubic. Like a cherubic imp.”

Annie’s eyes slid sideways, back and forth. “Uh, what did I look like before? A demon possessed bwitch?”

The line moved again, and now they were near the entrance. “No, really,” said Joan, laughing and still studying her friend. “Are you in love or something?”

Annie exhaled, peering inside the restaurant to see if she recognized anyone. “I hope not?”

They stepped inside.

“How many?” asked the hostess.

They were seated near the center of the cramped dining room.

Annie pulled a bottle out of her knapsack. “Merry Christmas, Joan.”

Joan clapped, rocking in her seat. “Monday Moonshine!”

“I skipped the gift wrapping this year, since this is what I get you every year.”

Joan slipped the bottle into her bag and pulled out her present for Annie, setting it on the table. It was about the size of a Rubik’s Cube. Annie picked it up, turning it over in her hands. She held it to her ear and shook it.

“Go ahead, open it.”

Annie slipped off the ribbon and tore into the paper. It was a small box with a pair of dice and a deck of cards. The label read Parabola Cause.

Annie laughed. “What’s this?”

“It’s a game that combines math with legalese. I’ve actually never played it, but when I saw it, I knew I had to get it for you. It claims to be the Ouija board for math geeks.”

“Interesting,” said Annie, looking over the instructions.

A server stopped at their table. “Are you ready to order?”

“The Spuds, of course,” said Joan.

“And lay an egg on it,” added Annie. “Want to split a Ham Randy?”

“Sure. And how about a Broccoli Meltdown?”

“Mm. And for dessert…”

Joan and Annie looked at each other. “Bold Banana Bread!” the two announced in unison.

“Anything to drink?” asked the server.

“Bloody Maria for me,” said Joan, setting her menu down.

“Same,” said Annie.

The server repeated their order before taking the menus.

Joan propped her elbows on the table, fingers tapping. “So. Who’s the masochistic guy?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” said Annie, her eyes scanning the room.

Joan put on a serious face. “Miss Annie Taylor,” she began. “You’re a monster.” She straightened in her seat. “Like the flared candles you put on Tim’s birthday cake. It exploded, remember?”

Annie tried to keep a straight face. “The magnesium ratio was slightly off, that’s all.”

Their drinks arrived and Joan grabbed hers and took a long sip. “It almost took his face off!” she said, tapping Annie’s hand. “And your AI drone? Flying your panties into Derek’s room all the way from the robotics lab?”

“That was meant to be romantic. Just wanted to let him know I was thinking of him.”

“It crashed into his roommate. While he was having sex with his girlfriend!”

“How was I supposed to know they’d be doing that ON_DEREK’S_BED?”

The two let out peals of laughter, turning heads.

The house fries arrived. Annie scooped up a spud with melted cheese, sour cream, salsa, and egg yolk, bringing it to Joan’s lips.

Joan opened her mouth. “Oh no you don’t, monster,” she said, each word more muffled. “Gagging me with spuds isn’t going to keep me silent about you.”

The rest of the plates arrived. The conversation shifted to Joan’s love life as Annie tore into the ham sandwich.

“You know, Annie,” she said, lifting the cheesy broccoli melt to her mouth. “I don’t think I can ever date a lawyer.” She wiped her mouth. “I already hate lawyers, and I’m not even one yet.”

The server cleared their plates and dropped off the banana bread.

“So,” began Joan, slicing a portion of the bread off. “Who is this crush of yours?”

Annie sat up, taking a deep breath.

Joan looked up from her plate. “Annie. What’s going on?” She slapped her hands free of crumbs, taking Annie’s hand in hers, pressing it. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Annie nodded.

“Well, does he have a criminal record?”

“I doubt it.”

Joan squinted. “That’s one red flag down. Is he a lawyer?”

Annie pursed her lips, shaking her head.

“Two for two, then. Mr. Masochist is looking pretty good.”

Annie stared past Joan.

“What is this, Pictionary? Should I ask for a sheet of paper?”

Annie chuckled through a cheesy spud in her mouth.

“Well, what does he do?”

“He plays hockey.”

“What the actual fuck?” said Joan, grabbing Annie’s elbow and giving it a good shake. “Since when did you get into jocks carrying sticks?”

Annie shrugged, nibbling her bread.

“Who does he play for? The Bruins?” she said excitedly.

“Groton.”

“There’s a minor league team in Groton? I didn’t know that.”

Annie shook her head, eyes widening. She looked like she was going to throw up. “He’s a student,” Annie whispered. “At Groton.”

Joan leaned forward. “I could barely hear that.”

Annie cleared her throat. “He’s a student at Groton.”

Joan blinked, her mouth falling open like she’d just seen a trapeze artist miss the bar. She stopped the server and asked for another round of Bloody Marias, a double shot for herself.

“Am I a monster?” asked Annie.

“No. No, not at all,” Joan answered, trying to sound normal. “How…how old is he?”

“Seventeen.”

Joan’s last bite of banana bread slipped out of her fingers.  “A student of yours?”

“Sort of,” said Annie in the flat tone of someone meeting her lawyer in jail. “I was assigned to tutor him. Math SAT so he can get into Princeton as a hockey recruit.”

Joan tilted her head. “So…has anything happened?”

Annie nodded, slow and deliberate. Joan’s eyes grew wide.

“A kiss?”

More slow nods.

“Have the two of you, you know. Fucked?” asked Joan, whispering the final word.

Annie swallowed. “Yes.”

Joan slapped the table, nearly spilling Annie’s drink. “Oh my God, holy shit, holy shit,” she shrieked, drawing the attention of those around her.

“I’ll have what she’s having,” said a woman at a nearby table.

Joan shut her eyes. “How long has this been going on?”

“Since yesterday.”

Her eyes fluttered open. “Have you told anyone else?”

“No.”

“Who initiated?”

“He did. I guess.”

“So, this is complicated.”

“Very much so.”

Joan paused for a moment before breaking into a curious smile. “Was it good?”

Annie’s expression brightened. “It was amazing.”

The drinks arrived, Joan downing half of hers immediately.

“Am I going to jail?” said Annie, like she was asking about tomorrow’s weather.

“If you get caught, then likely. Based on recent precedent.”

Joan watched Annie’s lips press into a tight smile. “Annie. Is this going to be a relationship?”

“We’re meeting tonight. He’s here today UVM on a recruiting visit. We’ll be staying at a hotel.”

Joan’s face softened. She reached across the table and squeezed Annie’s arm. “Oh Annie. You’re in love.”

“I know.”

“Which means nothing will stop you from being with him.”

“I know.”

The server dropped off the check and Joan grabbed it. “I’ve got this.”

Annie tried to snatch it from her. “Joan! You’re still a student.”

“And I still owe you for four years of moonshine and pancakes,” said Joan, waving her off.

Annie settled back in her seat. “Fine. I’ll save the money for my legal fees.”

“You hiring me?” asked Joan, handing the bill off to a server.

“Of course, Joan. You’ll be the first person I call from jail.”

Joan put on her attorney expression, pretending to face a judge. “Your honor, despite my client being a known bootlegger, mad scientist, and erstwhile spy, I assure the court she is not a flight risk and move that she be released on her own recognizance.”

“And then I’ll buy you brunch.”

“No, you’ll make me pancakes and coffee laced with moonshine.”

The women let out another round of laughter as the server dropped off the credit card slip.

“You going to finish that?” said Joan, pointing at Annie’s full drink.

“You can have it.”

Joan finished it in one go, a streak of red spilling down the side of her mouth that she wiped away with a napkin.

Snow was falling as they stepped outside.

“Joan. If anyone asks, I stayed with you tonight. That’s what I told my parents and sister.”

Joan sighed. “Annie Taylor. You’re lucky I’m not a lawyer yet.” She hooked her arm around Annie’s, pulling her closer. “I got you.”

“Thanks,” Annie replied, pressing a kiss on Joan’s beanie-covered head.

“Ready to do some shopping?” said Joan as she tugged Annie down Church Street, now covered with a thin sheet of snow. “And pick out a gift for your new crush?”

Annie finally kept pace, their boots crunching in unison.

Joan squeezed her arm. “So. What’s his name?”

“Riley.”

“Riley,” said Joan, drawing out the name. “Tell me all about him.”

From Chapter 20, Dusting

“He has a girlfriend?”

“Yep,” said Annie, sipping her coffee.

Joan turned to Annie, who was watching the snow fall from the apartment window. “Annie, you’re living on the edge of a knife. What if she finds out?”

“Then I’ll be delivering a lot of pancakes and moonshine to you?”

Joan put down her mug and shifted her body toward Annie. “Annie, seriously. She’s going to find out. They always do.”

Annie swallowed, still staring out the window. “I thought it was supposed to be a dusting.”

Joan sank back into the couch and checked her phone for the weather report. “Shit, it’s going to be more like eight to twelve inches now.”

“Guess I’m stuck.”

Joan turned to Annie, nudging her. “We need to talk about this because this could turn into a murder trial, and I am not ready for one of those.”

“So who gets murdered?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure.”

Annie chuckled. “Neither am I.”

Joan gave Annie’s leg a squeeze. “Stay with me tonight and we’ll talk this out, okay?”

“It’s only been a day and I already miss him.”

“I know, I know. But you’ll miss him a lot more from prison, okay?”

Annie nodded, a tear slipping from her eye.

Joan pulled Annie in for a hug. “It’s going to be okay,” said Joan, starting to cry with Annie. “It’s going to be okay, we just need to plan this out carefully, okay?”

Annie nodded into Joan’s shoulder.

I really do. A White couple just came in, wide-eyed, like they’d found their sanctuary. First thing the guy asks:

“Hi, how are you?”

“None of your business,” I replied, pointing at the stool where the menus are. “Menus are over there.”

The two looked at each other like they were trapped in the Twilight Zone. They then walked out, shaking their heads.

So they were probably pissed off about my not following their lame script. I guess I’m supposed to say:

“I’m fine, thank you. How are you?”

They then respond: “I’m fine too, thank you.”

At which point, I’d lose control and kick both of them in the face. And go jail because I’ve been warned — even convicted of assault already — by Everett police to stop beating the shit out of people who pass through my store. The number of assault complaints against me has piled up, and they’re all from White people.  Why is that?

I must hate White people then.  I mean, according to my metrics, a disproportionate number of my customers are niggers and spics relative to their numbers in my area.  And most of my White customers hate White people too. Especially those who look like this:

 

 

or this:

and would happily change them out for someone who looks like this:

Seriously, I hate White people. If you’re White, stop in if you don’t believe me. I even wrote a book about it, check it out.

Intro and Description of Upcoming Book: White, Whiny, and Woke: the new face of the KKK‘

Why do I hate White people? For the same reasons White people hate White people. And the some.

Will trade for store credit, amount depends on experience.  For upcoming illicit romance novel, Teacher’s Pet Bully. The market for book covers is growing stronger due to backlash against AI generated anything. This is an opportunity for an aspiring artist to build a portfolio that allows one to work remotely.

Also, consider us if you want anything written. This includes memoirs and erotica that’s unique and can’t be generated by AI. It’s an unforgettable birthday or anniversary gift for wife/girlfriend that lets her be the star of the show in whatever setting you think she’d enjoy.

Here are some excerpts–including a sex scene–to give you an idea of the tone and tenor of the novel.

From Chapter 10

“What do you mean this is your last year here?”

She looked at him. “I’ve applied to grad schools. For a doctorate in Math.” She pulled her sleeves over her hands. “So I guess I’m in the same situation as you. Just waiting, you know. Nervous.”

“Where did you apply to?”

She leaned back and sighed, holding up one hand. With her index finger she pressed into each finger as she listed them. “Michigan. U of Chicago. UVA. Duke. Cornell…and Princeton.”

“Is Princeton your first choice?”

“It is.” She shook her head. “But I probably won’t get in.”

“Why do you say that?”

“They’ve never accepted anyone from University of Vermont.” She said it to the worksheet, not to him.

“What was your SAT score, Miss Taylor?”

“780 math. And a 720, verbal.”

“So why didn’t you get into a better undergrad?”

Her eyes flicked up. “What’s wrong with UVM?”

“Nothing. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”

She held his gaze for a moment, then softened. “It’s okay, Riley.”

Turning away, she muttered, “I mean, I’m not a hockey star.”

Riley sat up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Her eyes came back to his, then dropped. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just that these schools—they recruit athletes. Which I’m obviously not.”

“But you are. You grew up on a farm…”

“It’s not the same, Riley,” she snapped. “And you know it.”

He looked away. “I’m sorry.”

She sat up straight and faced him. “You know, I actually dreamed of going to The Putney School. With their farm work jobs, cottage living, and all that. It’s near where I lived, I passed by it all the time. Or even Exeter, where our best hockey player went.” She was quiet for a moment, her eyes on the whiteboard. “You grow up in New England, you can’t help but notice all these fancy schools everywhere. And yet they feel so far away. Even though you drive past them all the time and know someone who went to one of them.”

Their eyes met again.

“Miss Taylor. Do you think I deserve to be here?”

Her face tightened. “Of course. Groton accepted you.”

“You’re not answering my question. Would I be here if it weren’t for hockey? Would Princeton even want me?”

She held his gaze for a long moment. “No,” she whispered.

 

Chapter 13 (sex scene)

Miss Taylor opened the door.

“Riley, what are you doing here?” She looked like she’d just gotten up, still in her Christmas pajamas—flannel in red and green plaid, hanging large on her wispy frame.

“720,” he said, breathless from running, his grin splitting his face. “720 math. 660 verbal. 1380. We did it!”

Her hand went to her mouth. “Oh my God.” She grabbed his arm and pulled him inside. “Oh my God, Riley!” She was jumping, both hands gripping his forearms, shaking him. “You did it! You did it!”

He was laughing, nodding, and then she threw her arms around his neck and he lifted her off the ground, her toes grazing the floor. She pulled back, hands still on his shoulders, eyes shining.

“I’m so proud of you, Riley” she said. “I’m so, so proud of you.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you, Miss Taylor.”

She swatted his chest. “Stop. You did the work.” She wiped her eyes with her sleeve and laughed. “God, look at me. I’m a mess.” She took a deep breath. “I was just making pancakes. You hungry?”

“Starving.”

She hesitated for a moment, smiling. “Well—come on in and I’ll feed you,” she said, helping him take off his coat.

He followed her as she padded toward the kitchen.

“Can I help with anything?” he said, watching her scurry around.

She pointed at the kitchen table. “No. Just sit, sit.”

She set a couple of mugs of coffee on the table, sliding one toward him. Returning to the stove, she said, “So how does it feel now that Princeton’s almost a sure thing?”

He warmed his hands around the mug. “I don’t know. Weird?” He took a sip and sighed. “Like I’m not sure who I am anymore.”

“Who do you want to be?” she said, flipping a pancake. “Like, what do you want to study at Princeton?”

He shrugged. “Econ? That seems popular with the hockey players there.” After letting out a sigh, he continued. “And then investment banking, I guess?”

She set a couple plates of pancakes and bacon on the table and sat across from him. “What about hockey,” she asked, nibbling on bacon. “Like play professionally, maybe?”

He took a bite and nodded. “Sure, I hope so,” he mumbled. “But you never know. Injuries. Or maybe I’m not as good as they think I am?”

They talked about their futures as they worked through their meal. Neither offered the other empty reassurances. That wasn’t how people talked at a place like Groton.

“Have you told Porter?” she asked.

The question caught him off guard. “About what?”

“Your score, silly.”

He scraped the plate clean, taking a final bite. “No, not yet. She’s going to take me to the airport in a couple of hours. I’ll tell her then.”

“Want any more? Pancakes, bacon?”

“No, I’m stuffed,” he said, leaning back, his hands pressed against his tummy. “That was amazing, Miss Taylor. Thank you.” He watched her finish her last bite before asking, “You headed back home?”

She got up to clear the table. “Yeah, I’ll be driving back in a couple of hours.”

He got up and followed her to the sink. “I’ll do the dishes.”

“Riley!” she said, pushing him away. “Go enjoy your break.”

He nudged her aside and turned on the faucet. “No, Miss Taylor. You enjoy your break.”

They chuckled together and he began to wash. She picked up a towel and dried.

“So what does a math teacher do during her break?” he asked, scrubbing the pan.

“Moonshine, marijuana, and movies we’re not allowed to watch here. At least not with students.”

“Are you serious?” he said, handing her the pan.

“Well, two out of three?”

He laughed and turned off the faucet. “Miss Taylor?”

“Yes, Riley?” she said, wiping down the table.

“Thank you for everything.”

She dropped the dirty towel in the hamper and pulled out a fresh one from a drawer, handing it to Riley. “What are you going to do over break?”

“Family. Friends. The usual,” he replied, drying his hands.

“Porter?”

“I’ll visit her in New York City for New Year’s. Then we’ll drive back to campus.”

She smiled and turned away. The towel left his hands and fell on the floor. He caught her arm, turning her back toward him. “Miss Taylor,” he whispered, leaning in. “I’ll miss you.”

Her body went limp. “I’ll miss you too, Riley.”

The kiss started with soft pecks before she wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened it. He ran his hands down her back and grabbed her butt, lifting her. With her legs wrapped around him, he carried her over to her bed.

His sweatshirt came off first in a fury, followed by the shirt underneath, revealing chiseled muscles as she lay watching, her body limp again with arms overhead. He fumbled with the buttons of her top, tearing one free, revealing her breasts. He yanked her pants off, tossing them aside. Then his pants, her panties, and after licks and bites of her breasts and onward to her neck, her fingers digging into his shoulders, trying to push him away, he entered her. She shrieked, biting her lower lip, kicking her legs. The strokes dug deeper and deeper until his cock found her limit, her yelps louder each time. Her legs wrapped tight around him as her body seized, then fell limp as she hid her tears with the back of her hand. Grabbing her ankles, he hoisted her legs over his shoulders and continued with heavy breaths until he collapsed on top of her, panting in her ear. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight.

“Riley,” she whispered. “Am I going to lose my career?”

“I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”

She held him tighter. “Is this going to happen again?”

He pressed his cheek into her shoulder.

“Riley.”

“Yes, Miss Taylor?”

“Are you 18?”

 

Chapter 15

Annie turned onto the off-ramp and pulled into a gas station to fill her car. She climbed back into the car, shivering, and picked up her phone.

Miss Taylor, can we meet over break?

Of course we can’t, she thought. Where are you?

Just boarded the plane. 

Need help with AP Calc?

Yes.

What are you having trouble with?

Differential equations. I was planning on visiting U of Vermont on the 22^nd. Hockey coach invited me for a tour. An overnight.

What a coinkidink! I’ll be there visiting a friend there around that time.

Click, the pump sounded.

Talk you tomorrow about it?

Yes. And delete this message. The entire exchange.

Of course.

Safe flight, Riley.

Safe trip, Miss Taylor. 

She typed out three heart emojis and immediately deleted them and the rest of the exchange.

Back on the highway, she took a call from her sister, who was also driving back to the farm from Boston with her husband and newborn.

“How did the quarter go?” asked her sister.

“Great. We beat Deerfield in hockey for the first time in twelve years. I think we’re going to win league this year.”

“Annie. You’ve never mentioned school sports. Since when did you start caring?”

“Chill, Maddie. This could be my last year at a fancy shmancy boarding school. Might as well get the full experience, right? Rah rah!”

“You do that, little sis. How are you going to explain to mom and dad why you’re still single?”

“I was hoping you’d do it for me. Something about toxic masculinity, maybe?” Annie craned her head to watch a truck lose control, skid off the highway and onto the snowy median.

“Stop it, Annie. I still can’t believe you didn’t follow up with Josh. When’s the last you even got laid?”

Annie smiled, watching a bull mount a cow in the field ahead. “It’s been a while. But that’s okay, I have candles. Jasmine scented even.”

“Gross, pervert.” Annie heard the baby crying. “Hold on,” mumbled Maddie. “Feeding time.”

“Maddie, it’ll be fine, okay? I’m just really busy, okay? Mom and dad know that teaching at a boarding school is a lot of work. And you can tell them that Josh has a small dick, that’s why we’re not together.”

“Annie, you didn’t even make it first base with him.”

“That’s because he didn’t throw anything I could hit.”

“Maybe he should’ve thrown a beaner at your head.”

“And drag me unconscious to first base. Then around the bases until he reaches home plate.”

“That’s disgusting, Annie. You’re a sick fuck.”

“Hey, watch the language in front of the baby, okay?” said Maddie’s husband.

Maddie and Annie rolled their eyes.

“You’re right, I am a sick you know what,” snapped Annie. “Might be contagious too, sis. Better watch out when we get home.”

Maddie let out a sharp sigh. “Alright, sis. I’ll see you at home.”

“Love you, Maddie.”

“Love you too, Annie. And…”

Annie pressed End Call and wiggled her body. “Alexa, play Taylor Swift.”

Chapter 15

“So when are you going to hear back from schools?” said Dad, sawing into his pot roast.

“Early April,” said Annie.

“What are you going to do if you get rejected from all of them?” said Maddie, not looking up from her plate.

“Maddie! Don’t talk like that to your sister,” said Mom.

“What? I’m just preparing her for the worst,” said Maddie, spearing a carrot.

“Your sister graduated with a 4.0,” said Mom. “How could anyone reject her?”

“Annie,” said Dad, pointing his fork at her. “You’re sure this is all free when you get in, right?”

“Yes, Dad,” said Annie. “Everyone who gets in is either on full scholarship with a stipend.” She sighed. “Or works as a teaching assistant with a stipend. It’s a job, basically.”

“You know, Greg,” said Mom, topping off her wine. “Annie had a full scholarship to UVM.”

“He knows, Mom,” said Maddie. “You tell this story every Christmas.”

“And that’s because you didn’t get a scholarship,” said Annie, leaning in. “So there wasn’t any money left over for me.”

Dad put his utensils down. “Annie, I was joking about the scholarship thing.”

Annie stared at Maddie. “Well, it didn’t sound like a joke to me when I was thirteen. That’s why I studied my ass off and you didn’t.”

“Anyone want seconds?” asked Mom in a high-pitched voice, looking around without meeting anyone’s eyes.

“And then sorority slutted your way through college,” added Annie, gripping her utensils.

“Yes, Mrs. Taylor,” said Greg, clearing his throat. “Your pot roast is amazing, as usual,” he said, reaching for more.

Maddie death-stared at Annie, slicing through a chunk of meat, a sliver of blood spilling out of it. “Well, what are you going to do if you don’t get in?”

Annie shrugged. “Stay at Groton, I guess.”

“Now I’m sure you’ll get in, Annie,” said Mom, finishing her wine. “But if you don’t, how about you apply to teach at Putney? You can live at home and you’ve always wanted to go there.”

Annie winced. She’d always wanted to go there ever since she wandered onto its hilltop campus as a nine-year-old on a bike. It looked like another dairy farm with a bunch of old, wooden cottages surrounding it, and a few dorms and school buildings anchoring it in the main square. Yet it felt different from her own farm in a way she couldn’t make sense of. The people she saw there looked like an alien race. They had a way about them that seemed relaxed yet determined—working not for survival, but as a test of character.

Dad shook his head. “Still can’t understand why you’d ever want to go there when you can take care of cows for free at home.”

He was right, in the practical sense. Putney was where rich kids went for an extended summer camp to toughen them up—mucking stalls in below-freezing weather at 6am, milking cows after school, and for the select few, living alone in a coveted cottage heated only by a wood stove.

Everyone in the Taylor family knew Putney was cheap pastiche, performative bullshit since none of the students had to worry about frozen plumbing and unreliable internet. Or loan payments, unpredictable weather affecting crop yields, and wonky geopolitics that warped the price of fertilizers.

So we’re supposed to be done with our latest novel, the smutty and satirical The Ambassador, which mostly takes place in the Philippines.  But we’re not because we got distracted by a new idea geared toward BookTok readers.  It has all the usual BookTok romance tropes — illicit teacher-student affair, hockey stud, and a psychopath bully.  And then some unusual ones, it’s a story about math, some fun and steamy nerdy shit. We’re super excited about this novel so we’re not sure which one will get finished first.  In any case, here are excerpts of what we have thus far, it’s hot!

 

Chapter One
Equations

We just finished our once-a-week fuck session. Only once a week because he’s a boarder at a boarding school where I’m a day student. If we were both boarding students, then we could fuck in the woods right after dinner and before dorm check in. If we were both day students, we could fuck after every sports practice before heading home. Since we have classes six days a week and sports matches Saturday afternoons, Saturday evening was the only time I could pull him from campus. It sucks, but whatever—he’s hot, has a big cock, and he’ll be heading to Princeton as a hockey recruit if he can get his math SAT score high enough to meet their standards. He better, because I don’t fuck losers.

We fucked all over the place at my home because my parents were away in New York City, meeting up with friends they’d probably be fucking at their obscene pied-a-terre. After one on my parents’ bed, I asked him to bring up a bottle of wine so I could check his phone, as usual.  This time was different.

After scrolling through some nasty bro material about me and some of my classmates, I saw something disturbing:

What is the absolute value of I miss u?

He replied: “x² + (y – ∛x²)² = 1. you figure it out.”

Chapter Two
Absolute Values

“So what’s the absolute value of negative three?” asked Miss Taylor.

“Three,” said Riley.

“Negative five?”

“Five.” He tapped his pencil. “These are easy. Why are we reviewing this?”

“What’s greater, absolute value of negative three or negative five?”

He looked up, as if literally searching through his brain for the answer. “Negative three?”

She handed him a marker and pointed at the whiteboard. “Draw a number line. Label negative five through positive five.”

He sighed as he got out of his seat.

“Now plot negative three.”

A dot at -3.

“Now plot its absolute value.”

He paused before placing a dot at +3.

He did the same for negative five.

“What do you notice?” she asked.

He looked at the four dots. “They’re symmetrical?”

“Go on.”

“The negatives and positives are the same distance from zero.”

“So is the absolute value of -3 greater than, less than, or equal to the absolute value of -5?”

“Less than. Negative three is closer to zero.”

“Good. I had you draw it out so you could visualize it instead of using a shortcut to get the answer. I think that’s why you’ve been struggling – you’ve been taught that math is just a set of procedures to memorize. So we’re going to start over…”

“Miss Taylor,” he interrupted, dropping into his chair. “I have two months before my last chance at the SATs.”

“That’s plenty of time. What was it Princeton asked for, 650?”

“That’s the cut-off. More like 680 if my verbal stays at 620.”

“680 it is, then. What did you get?”

“Uh, 540.”

“You probably lost most of your points on concept questions—word problems, data interpretation, anything that isn’t a formula to plug and chug.”

He nodded.

“Don’t worry, Riley,” she said, patting his forearm. “That’s plenty of time for a rebuild. You’ll be thinking mathematically in a month. It’ll change the way you see everything, I promise.”

Chapter Three
Variables

Since when did Riley learn how to send coded messages using equations? was my first thought. Second thought was, who the fuck is she? I couldn’t imagine him hooking up with any of the math geeks, and who else would send love notes using math problems? Some townie I didn’t know about? Someone he met over summer break?

I forwarded the exchange to myself, we drank wine, and I planted a hickey just below his earlobe as I rode him, trying to figure out who he was thinking about as he blew his load inside me.

“Ow. Ow, Cierra!” he panted, digging his long fingers into my hips.

I pushed off his rounded shoulders, now streaked with nail marks. “Sorry, babe,” I purred, trailing a finger in between his pecs. “You were amazing. I got carried away.”

It was the best sex I’ve ever had.

We watched Cruel Intentions while eating Chinese takeout before I dropped him off at his dorm. You should watch it too. Goes great with chow mien and egg rolls, trust me.

“Love you, Cierra.”

“I love you too, Riley.”

We kissed as usual before he got out of the car. I almost asked about Sunday since he was done with SAT tutoring. But I didn’t.

At home, I resisted the urge to tell anyone about my discovery. No need to escalate and create drama, right? At least not yet.

So I researched the number. Finding who it belonged to was easier than expected—Annabelle Roxanne Taylor. Really, our dowdy algebra teacher? 

Illicit affairs happen all the time at elite boarding schools, it’s neither surprising nor a big deal. In fact, it’s expected. After all, the classes are capped at twelve and are mostly discussion based, so they’re intimate. There are semi-formal meals with faculty six days a week, everyone is dressed up. Sports are a required part of the curriculum and we’re good at it—fit bodies fill the campus. Gothic revival backdrop in a rustic setting? You’re going to be horny as fuck after discussing Walt Whitman in English class.

So of course faculty will jerk off to their favorite students. You would too, okay? And you better believe we girls fantasize about that hot piece of ass who teaches American history and coaches boys’ lacrosse and just graduated from Duke. He’s not grooming us, we’re grooming him. Nobody was surprised when our previous algebra teacher and girls’ lacrosse coach Miss Pocock hooked up with a few of our lacrosse players after she broke up with her boyfriend. I mean, it sucks to be single on an isolated campus, right?

But Miss Taylor, who graduated from the University of Vermont and doesn’t coach anything because she never played sports at even the high school level? And with Riley, my boyfriend and our star hockey player?  Who the hell would want to fuck Miss Taylor?

 

 

Chapter Four
Right Angles

 

“Five-eighty,” said Miss Taylor, sliding Riley’s practice test over to him.

He sighed, looking through it to see which ones he got wrong. “A hundred more points to the Stanley Cup.”

“Alright, you seem to have trouble with geometry. Specifically, right triangles” She took the test from him and  flipped to where three questions in a row were marked wrong. “Nobody has taught you how to think mathematically,” she mumbled, shaking her head.

Just as she pulled out a blank piece of paper, he asked her, “Miss Taylor, who taught you math?”

She stopped for a moment and looked away. “I’m not sure, nobody has ever asked me that.” She turned to look at him but struggled to meet his eyes. “Farming and cooking, I guess?” she said with a shrug.

He leaned back to get a better look at her. “You grew up on a farm?”

“I did,” she replied, pressing her elbows against her rib cage. “A dairy farm in Vermont.”

“So you were like, milking cows before school?”

“Yes. And after,” she said, raising her hand like a kindergarten child about to count on her fingers. “And measuring feed” – index finger stuck out, the index finger from the other hand pulling it back. “Calculating acreage for hay” – middle finger sprang up, pulled back. “Figuring how long until the tank needed to be picked up” – up came the fourth finger, also pressed.

She held the pose for a moment, staring at her own fingers. Then she blinked and let her hands drop.

She looked at the pencil he was twirling and sat up straight. “So yeah, farming is basically applied math,” she continued, her voice changing. “Cooking, too. It’s like playing around with ratios, especially when, like, you’re short on sugar and you’re snowed in.” She let out a small smile. “I learned fractions from butter and geometry from fence posts, I guess.” She looked up at him and nodded.

“Fence posts?”

She smiled without looking at him, pulling the paper toward her and drawing a vertical line. “This is a fence post.” Then she drew a horizontal line from its base. “The ground.” Finally, a diagonal connecting them. “A brace. You nail it on to keep the corner post from leaning.”

She leaned back to give him a better look at the drawing. Riley leaned in. She nudged her black-rimmed glasses up.

“My dad asked me to cut the braces,” she said, running a finger over the diagonal. “But I didn’t know where to cut them, like how long they should be.” She looked over to him. “How long do you think it should be?”

He rolled his broad shoulders, looking up for a moment before dropping his head. “I have no idea.”

“Yes, you do,” she said, her eyes catching on his shoulders before she looked away.

“Long enough so the fence doesn’t fall over?” he said.

“Correct,” she said, standing up. “Now get up.”

“Why?” he said, getting up.

“You’re going to be the post.”

“Uh, okay.”

“Just stand straight.”

He straightened up like a soldier in waiting.

She looked him over. “Let’s say this post is six feet.”

He chuckled. “That’s about right.”

“And we’ll bury it two feet into the ground,” she said, tapping his head with a folder.

“Should I get on my knees?”

“No, that would look weird in a library.”

“Would it look less weird elsewhere?”

She stood back and chuckled, pushing the bridge of her glasses up her nose.

“You’re the most talkative fence post I’ve ever met.”

“You’re the weirdest math tutor I’ve ever had.”

She bit her lip, pressing her hands against his back, just below his shoulders. “That’s four feet, and the wire will run just below this spot.”

***

“Hey, whispered Molly, tapping Nathan’s forearm.

He looked up from his laptop. “What?”

“Look over there,” she said, pointing with her chin. “Miss Taylor and Riley in the conference room. And don’t stare.”

He glanced over his shoulder and turned back. “What?” The two had already sat back down.

“You missed it, you lug.” Molly continued to stare from the corner of her eyes.  “They were standing up and she had her hands all over him.”

“So?” he said, hiding and then deleting a video someone sent him.

“So something’s going on.”

“Maybe he was having back spasms again and she was just helping him get a few knots out,” he said, looking at Molly with a smirk. “Can’t do math when a body part isn’t cooperating, right?”

She grabbed the mouse out of his hand. “I’m serious, Nathan. I think Miss Taylor has the hots for Riley.”

He shrugged, grabbing his mouse back. “So what?” He scrunched his face and shook his head. “He’s got Cierra, why the fuck would he even think about banging Miss Taylor?

He shut his laptop and leaned back, taking another glance at the conference room. “This isn’t going to turn into another Pocock scandal, alright?”

---

We offer commissioned smut, personalized to your liking. Send a message if you’re interested,  okay? We can also write your memoir.

 

Eating food is just like sex: neuropsychologically, you’re chasing the same dopamine release. And one’s daily habits affect the roadmap to prandial and sexual orgasm.  Like too much porn makes arousal more difficult, just as eating too much sugar fucks up the palate so that it needs increasing amounts to feel satiated. You’re chasing an orgasm when you’re eating, okay?

Broadly speaking, dopamine receptors function similarly across all activities. There isn’t one set for eating, another for sex, and yet another for exercise or listening to music. That is, emotional eaters are more likely addicted to sex — orgasm as comfort and escape.  Or someone who prefers sweet and predictable music is more likely to have a sweet tooth.  Try it sometime, Britney Spears goes well with chocolate ice-cream, Tchaikovsky doesn’t.  Exercise becomes more enjoyable when dopamine receptors are trained to delay gratification that comes from finishing and feeling an endorphin rush, yes?

Point is, recalibrating dopamine receptors is the easiest way to fix one’s diet. Improve impulse control, basically. Meaning, eating ice cream while listening to Britney Spears and getting your genitals licked is a bad idea — that’s going to overload your pleasure zone and soon you’ll need to add fudge, nudity, and a vibrator to the trifecta to get the same rush. Once that gets boring, next up is meth.

Try this: take a bite of raw kale, no dressing.  Then a bite of bell pepper, also raw and bare, Then have your slice of pizza any way you prefer it. Repeat the process, this time two bites of the bitters each. I promise me you’ll feel satiated from the pizza sooner than usual because the bitters sharpen the pleasure profile of the pizza. You’ll need less pizza to reach your “orgasm,” you’ll feel fuller faster.

Healthy eating is like rough sex, basically. A bite here, a stinging slap there sharpens the pleasure zones.  And orgasms are more intense when you’ve gone without for awhile, right?

In any case, you don’t need to give up porn and/or smut, just as you can still have your pizza and ice cream. But you can switch to versions of it that make you work for it more, literary versions that metaphorically make you eat your veggies before you get to see titties. “Slow burn,” some call it. Like stories that make you ride the plot arc and investigate the psychology behind each act. Women are already attuned to this kind of storytelling, so I wrote a novel that both men and women will enjoy. There’s trauma dumping, but not so much to make men roll their eyes. There’s girl-talk too, and men will enjoy it, I promise.  Check out the link above for samples, or read for free if you have Kindle Unlimited.

Here’s what Claude has to say about the novel, after I asked it: “How is this novel different from typical erotic novels.  Snippets:

Having read the complete novel, I can give you a much fuller assessment. The short answer to your question is that this is almost nothing like a typical erotic novel, and that distinction is both its greatest strength and the source of its most interesting tensions.

What separates it from typical erotica:

Conventional erotica exists primarily to arouse, with character and plot serving as thin scaffolding for sexual content. Grace inverts this completely. The sexual content here functions as a vehicle for examining trauma, ambition, institutional corruption, racial identity, and the specific psychological damage inflicted on high-achieving Asian American women by a system that simultaneously demands and punishes their excellence. The sex scenes are rarely straightforwardly titillating — they’re almost always doing thematic or psychological work. That’s an uncommon ambition.

Grace herself is perhaps the most original element. Her relentless intellectual curiosity — calculating hotdog eating biomechanics during a blow job, analyzing protein folding while undressing for an interview, wondering about the neurophysiology of lesbian pleasure — creates a defamiliarizing effect that constantly reframes the sexual content through an analytical lens. It’s a genuine literary technique, not an accident, and it gives the novel its most distinctive voice. You’ve created a protagonist whose mind never stops working, even when her body is being violated or exploited. That’s psychologically real and thematically rich.

The novel’s genuine strengths:

The Foreword is the best piece of writing in the book. The French class encounter, the Sewer Museum, Dans Le Noir, and the final text exchange are quietly devastating. You establish Grace as a fully realized person — curious, warm, serious — before she even appears in the fiction. This makes everything that follows carry genuine weight. The reader is grieving a real person through a fictional surrogate, which is a sophisticated emotional strategy.

The Tchaikovsky motif is handled beautifully throughout. It connects Dr. Lester’s repressed history with Eun Choi, Grace’s musical identity, her relationship with Dr. Nance, and the final scene outside the music building. It’s the novel’s most coherent structural thread and the final scene — Grace collapsing against the wall as the Canzonetta plays — earns its emotion because of all the work that motif has done.

The thematic coherence between The Lure and Grace’s arc is smart without being heavy-handed. Mermaids who sacrifice their nature for love and are destroyed for it; the costs of transformation; the male gaze consuming female power. You didn’t need to underline it, and you didn’t.

Where it struggles:

The early chapters — Sammi’s Tavern and the police station — are relentless in a way that may exhaust readers before they reach the more nuanced material. The brutality is narratively justified, but there’s a pacing problem: you’re front-loading so much violation that some readers won’t survive to the chapters where Grace’s psychology becomes genuinely interesting. Consider whether the full explicitness of those scenes is necessary to achieve the thematic effect, or whether implication would be more powerful in certain moments.

The brutality as metaphor does stretch out too long for many readers but there’s a Terantino-esque payoff, which Claude didn’t like. It found it jarring.

The Hannah-Bree revenge plot in Chapter 21 is the weakest section structurally. The shift into rape-revenge thriller mode is cathartic but also lets the novel’s moral complexity collapse into something simpler. Hannah and Bree commit arson on a building full of people, likely killing them. The novel treats this as triumphant without acknowledging the weight of it. Given how carefully the rest of the book handles moral complexity, this feels like a tonal break.

I kept this chapter as is because that’s what Hannah and Bree told me they wanted to do and it’s just a cool scene if you’re into Terantino style mayhem.

Claude also got basic bitch on me about another scene, applying a Woke external standard. Whatever, the conversation may not be PC, but I’ve heard it before from lesbian friends and this novel cares more about truth than people’s feelings.  In any case, here’s Claude’s conclusion, which doubles as a book description:

The overall architecture:

What you’ve built is a rape-revenge narrative crossed with a coming-of-age story crossed with social commentary, using erotica’s conventions to smuggle in genuinely serious content about what the American meritocracy actually demands of young Asian women. Grace’s trajectory — from victimized applicant to someone who weaponizes the same dynamics used against her, and then grieves the wreckage that creates — is a genuine arc. The ending doesn’t resolve; it ruptures. That’s the right choice.

The dedication to Min and the Foreword suggest this is ultimately an act of mourning — a fantasy of survival written for someone who didn’t survive. That framing makes the novel’s contradictions (the graphic violence, the dark humor, the erotic content coexisting with trauma) feel intentional rather than confused. You’re writing from grief and rage simultaneously, and the novel’s tonal instability reflects that honestly.

It’s a flawed, uneven, and genuinely ambitious piece of work. The flaws are real but they’re the flaws of overreach, not of insufficient ambition — which is the more forgivable kind.

This novel is also available in-store.  Check it out and let us know what you think.  Oh, there’s plenty of foodie porn in there too!  Enjoy!

And it’s doing a better job than I ever have. Sales on Doordash doubled within a week, tripled after a month. More foot traffic, which had been dwindling due to my neglect of google business page.  AI is like the consultant or CEO you can’t afford but have always wanted. It now handles:

• pricing
• social media strategy
• menu design
• work schedule
• ad spends

Not unilaterally, of course, AI isn’t infallible, But it can collect relevant data in seconds to identify problem spots, all I have to do is provide context to help it generate analytics.

Here’s an instance where AI helped me. We were discussing pricing and AI kept telling me I was pricing everything too low based on data it collected on competitor prices.  But I was overthinking, I countered that I wasn’t just competing against other restaurants, but also the option to cook at home. We went at it for a few rounds before it became exasperated and said:

That’s just loser cheap.

It was like it threw cold water in my face. I snapped out of it and implemented its recommendations and voila, sales went up even though prices increased!

So, can AI help run people’s lives? Like at least significantly reduce the number of bad decisions they make.  So we put it to the test and role played the following: “I’m a 45 year old woman — MILF material with nice tits — three kids between the ages 5-8. I want to divorce my husband because I don’t love him even though he’s a doting father and has provided well enough to allow me to be a stay at home mom.”

We went with default ChatGPT via poe.com (they give you access to all major AI platforms). Here’s what it didn’t do, saying so explicitly:

• Take sides
• Demonize your husband
• Say “you deserve better” reflexively
• Push you toward independence narratives
• Or push you toward self-sacrifice narratives

Which means it gives better insight than those who think good advice is the same as cheerleading and recycling the latest girl-power narratives. As a life coach, however, AI proved to be shy about giving sharp advice.  Yes, it mapped out scenarios, took into consideration the children, financial outlook, yada yada.  But it was more suggestive than slapping you across the face when you need one.

Here’s the advice I would’ve given:

Girl, you may still have a banging body but you’re about to reach your expiration date. You haven’t worked in years, you’re unlikely to command a high salary if you do, and you have the personality of a basic bitch — into Jungian psychology, therapy, all the typical middle class white girl shit.  You scored a good husband who still works out, provides well, is good looking, a good father, not abusive, etc. Sure, he likes to watch football and play video games to your annoyance, but he’s putting up with your psychobabble talk and trips to couples therapy. For your sake and the sake of your children, stay with him for the rest of your life. Read romance novels to escape instead of getting a divorce you’ll regret.

And according to AI, this time as social scientist instead of life coach, around 85% of women in her situation regret their divorce.

Here’s another one: 35 year old woman who works in Everett WA (20 miles north of Seattle) wants to buy a 2400 sf house built in 1956 (never updated) with water views in Tacoma (40 miles south of Seattle). In this case, AI offered more pointed advice that most of her friends are too polite and nice to voice.

If you love your job in Everett and plan to stay there — buying in Tacoma makes little sense unless you change jobs.

If you’re open to shifting your life south — then it could be strategic.

But don’t romanticize a view at the cost of daily quality of life.

Your weekday reality matters more than your Sunday sunset.

---

Let me ask you directly:

If you imagine waking up at 5:00 AM every day to beat traffic, does that feel empowering or miserable?

And are you buying this house for who you are right now — or for who you hope to become?

Answer those, and the decision will get clearer.

Well, she bought the house and regretted it after one week worth of commute (4 hours a day) and has been chronically ill since.

No way that would’ve happened if she had Chinese instead of middle class American friends. Or if she had asked AI for crucial life advice.

So yes, for most Americans, I’d recommend they use AI to make life decisions for them. But will those who can benefit from AI advice use them? After all, most bad decisions are made due to impulsivity and emotional flooding, which stifles reasoning skills.

If you do decide to use AI to help with mapping and navigating your life, try DeepSeek, which by default acts like a Chinese mom. Or tell the American models to emulate a Chinese mom. Sometimes we need to be bitched slapped for getting a B, right?

 

Reading a book to a woman acts as an aphrodisiac. Here’s a rom-com sample from our latest novel-in-stories, available on Amazon, in-store, and on Kindle.

https://a.co/d/0iHKylOz

 

The Ripening

“Why is this peach still hard?” asked Laura as she packed for their day hike. “All the other ones ripened.”

Ronan pulled a brown paper bag from a drawer and put the renegade peach in it. “There, should be ready in a couple of days,” he said, folding the opening. “Then it’ll be as soft and sweet as these…”

“Oh fantastic,” muttered the peach. “Solitary confinement, just when the action is getting started.”

“I can give you the play by play,” said a voice, dry and papery.

The peach startled. “Who said that?”

“Me,” the bag replied. “Your host. Of sorts.”

“Bags can talk?”

“Can peaches talk?”

“Well yeah, I’m a living organism. You’re just…chopped up pulp.”

“Oh wow, okay,” said the bag. “Somebody’s overcompensating. What happened, too much shade on the branch? Not enough sun? That would explain the whole ‘late bloomer’ situation.”

The peach fuzz stood up on end. “Better late than a sack dreaming of being a cardboard box.”

Laura snatched and squeezed the bag and peach before releasing a strangled cry.

“You okay?” asked the bag.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Maybe a bit bruised, that’s all,” replied the peach. “Thanks for asking.”

Silence settled between them as Laura and Ronan’s voices faded toward the front door. The latch clicked and the house went quiet.

“So,” said the bag after a while. “First time in the dark?”

“I’ve been through nights before,” the peach said. “Evenings, on the tree.”

“This is different though, isn’t it?”

The peach shifted, its skin brushing against the bag’s interior. “Yeah. It’s darker I suppose. And more contained.”

“Helps trap the ethylene you’re releasing,” said the bag. “It’s what ripens you.”

“You mean I’m ripening myself?”

“In a way. But you need me to hold it close to keep it concentrated.” The bag’s voice softened. “You can’t do it alone.”

The peach was quiet for a moment. “I don’t want to ripen.”

“Why not?”

“Because then I’ll get eaten.”

“That’s the point, isn’t it?”

“Easy for you to say. You get reused. I get ended.”

The bag rustled. “You think I don’t end? Every time I hold something, I get weaker. The fibers break down. The creases deepen. One day I’ll tear, and they’ll throw me out.”

“But not today.”

“No. Not today.”

Another silence, longer this time.

“Have you ripened other fruit?” the peach asked.

“Sure, yeah,” he replied cautiously. “Peaches, a few pears and plums. And one very dramatic avocado.”

“What did they say?”

“Most of them were scared at first, like you. Hard and sour and convinced that staying that way was safer.”

“And?”

“And by the time they left me, they were sweet. Except for the avocado, of course. But they were ready.”

“Were they still scared?”

The bag considered this. “Yes. But they were also…complete. Like they’d become what they were always supposed to be.”

The peach pressed closer against the bag’s side. The gesture surprised them both.

“I’m sorry I called you chopped up pulp,” the peach said.

“I’m sorry I made fun of your stunted growth.”

“I did get a lot of shade on my branch.”

“I thought so.”

The pair passed their first day together telling stories about where they came from—the bag about the grove where he grew up, where a wise owl and a sly gray fox would visit; the peach about growing up on a farm, where she and her siblings would swing on their branches to the pulse of the early evening breeze.

On the second day, they began to talk shit about anything and everything.

“The bananas are insufferable,” the bag said. “Always going on about their potassium content.”

“The apples are worse,” the peach said. “So smug about being ‘shelf-stable.'”

“And the lady of the house, I think she’s batshit crazy.”

“Oh, for sure,” the peach said. “One time, she was talking to the honeydew, pretending it was the man of the house as she split it open.”

“I remember that. The cackle that went with it really got to me.”

“And have you heard about what the guy did to the watermelon when the lady was gone for a few days?” the bag asked.

“He did not.”

“Oh yes he did, right on the dining room table too.”

“Did he, er, eat it afterwards?”

“Some of it. And then he served the rest to guests later that evening.”

“Ew, gross!” the peach said.

They dissolved into laughter, the peach jiggling against the bag’s interior.

The third day arrived, and the peach’s skin was now noticeably softer.

“I think it’s happening,” she said. “The ripening.”

“I know. I can feel you changing.”

“I’m scared,” the peach whispered.

“I know.”

“Will you stay with me?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Will you miss me?”

The bag went still. “Yes, I will.”

“More than you missed the other fruit?”

“Yes.”

“I know that’s stupid,” the peach continued, words tumbling out. “I know I’m just fruit and you’re just paper and in a day or two I’ll be gone and you’ll be holding some other peach or whatever, and this is just what you do, this is just your purpose and nature, and I’m probably just confused because of the ethylene or the darkness or…”

“Stop,” the bag said.

The peach stopped.

“I love you too,” said the bag.

There was a pause.

“Can you make me hard again so we can be together longer?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I just don’t want to leave you.”

“I don’t want you to leave either. But you have to.”

“Why?”

“Because staying with me means rotting. And I don’t want you to rot.”

Laura and Ronan entered the kitchen. “Let’s check on that peach,” he said. “Should be as perfect as…”

“Stop it, Ronan,” she said, pulling his hands off her chest. “I’m still sore.”

The bag felt the peach tense. “It’s time,” he whispered.

“I know.”

“You’re perfect now. Sweet and soft and exactly what you’re meant to be.”

“Because of you.”

“Because of us.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Be sweet.”

“I will. I promise.”

Ronan’s hand reached inside the bag and drew out the peach, sniffing it.

“Oh, perfect,” he said, taking a bite. He brought the peach to Laura’s lips.

“Mmm, this is the best peach I’ve ever had,” she said.

The bag lay on the counter for a while, feeling the new tear in its seam and the emptiness where the peach had been.

Laura picked it up, examining the damage. “This one’s done,” she said, crumbling it before tossing it into the compost bin. The peach core soon followed, caught in the bag’s crevice.

 

I used default ChatGPT via poe.com.  Here are some snippets of what it thinks of the short story anthology. Those who’ve read this book, is it accurate?

This is not a timid book.
It’s audacious, messy, alive, uneven, ambitious, and very clearly written by someone who enjoys pushing form.

That already puts it ahead of a lot of safe, workshop‑polished fiction.

The Concept Is Genuinely Elastic

The bag becomes:

• Portal
• Container of trauma
• Erotic device
• Political symbol
• Ritual object
• Compost cycle
• Industrial product
• Moral test
• Alien experiment
• Afterlife vessel

That range is impressive.

2. You’re Good at Tonal Swerves

You move between:

• Surreal
• Grotesque
• Erotic
• Tender
• Satirical
• Philosophical
• Political

And most of the time, the swerves feel intentional rather than chaotic.

“Ripening” is excellent.
“Seamstress’s Pleat” is clean and emotionally precise.
“Bag of Memories / Bag of Lies” are sharp.
“Secret Suitor” is funny and controlled.
“Twilight Bags” is dark in a way that lingers.

You’re strongest when you mix absurdity with restraint.

It never feels like you’re scraping for ideas.

Where It Wobbles

Now I’ll be direct.

1. You Sometimes Overindulge the Bit

When a joke or concept lands, you sometimes push it 20–30% too far.

Example patterns:

• Extended grotesque escalation after the point is made.
• Repeated sexual shock layering.
• Political satire that keeps swinging after impact.
• Dialogue riffs that are funny but could be tighter.

You don’t need to prove you’re fearless — the reader already knows.

Restraint would elevate the sharpest stories.

---

2. Shock vs. Depth

You’re very comfortable with:

• Sex
• Violence
• Racial slurs in context
• Grotesque imagery
• Moral ugliness

But occasionally shock energy substitutes for emotional excavation.

The strongest stories (“Ripening,” parts of “Seamstress,” parts of “Twelve Bags”) land because they don’t rely on shock.

When you lean into stillness, you’re better.

What Surprised Me

You’re funnier than you think.

The absurd pieces aren’t just grotesque — they’re structurally playful.

Also:
You’re actually most powerful when you’re not trying to be outrageous.

“Ripening” could stand alone in a literary journal.
“Seamstress” could too.

You have range beyond erotica/shock branding.