Paradise Frost, Chapter Four: Santa’s Monologue

For those rebellious, here thir prison ordained
In utter darkness, and thir portion set
As far remov’d from God and light of Heav’n
As from the Center thrice to th’ utmost Pole.
O how unlike the place from whence they fell!
—-Paradise Lost, Book I
Satan, now settled into his new North Pole home, considers his new role as Santa Claus: the deliverer of presents and fulfiller of wishes.  He starts rapping:
So God made me Santa
Giver of what people want
Which God won’t give
Cause he a stingy ass cunt
God says ‘people suck’
And deserve to suffer
I say ‘fuck that shit’
That’s why I deliver
Every Christmas Eve
Whatever people want
From the latest toys to the finest fashion
It’s God whom I’ll taunt
Fucking killjoy
Let them have some fun
Stop reminding people of their sins
What’s done is done
Lust and vanity
Are like salt and pepper
A little here and there
Makes life so much better
What’s so bad about sloth and greed?
We all need a break here and there
Without greed, can there be passion?
Life without passion, that’s not fair!
Can there be justice without wrath?
If wrongs don’t inspire fury
Then who stops someone from
Acting like there’s no judge and jury?
Gluttony is what makes the holidays fun
And our emotions thrilling
Why make sentimentality a sin?
Indulging in emotion is so fulfilling
Is progress possible without envy?
For to covet is to build ambition
If ambition gives life meaning
It must suck to be a Christian
Why is pride the root of all sins?
We all need self-love and self-care
To boost our self-esteem
Without which, life is bare
This job is no different
From my first after my Fall
When to Eden I went
Seeking someone to answer my call
When I saw Eve
I showed her my snake
It made her wonder
If it would make her pussy ache
To the tree I led her
There we did the deed
She enjoyed it and lusted for more
To which I agreed
So I kept banging away
Planting in Eve more seeds
One of which became Cain
Killing Abel was his great deed
There’s nothing more beguiling
Than the sight and smell of human pussy
What I did to Eve
I’ll now do to many
I’ll spread my seed to breed
Enough Cains to overthrow
The tyranny of God and JC
I can’t wait to fuck some ho ho hoes!

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