Frequently Asked Questions XII (Politics Edition)

Links to FAQ XI

Is it true that an employee once pointed a loaded gun at a guy’s nut-sack?
Yes, but she was off hours and he wasn’t a customer.

Is that little girl the owner’s daughter or someone he hired from an orphanage?
She’s not his daughter.

How did Roxanne G. end up in jail?
Who told you she’s in jail?

Who is Phreaky Phil Brenchley?
He’s a dickhead.

Why did Trump win the White Trash vote?  
He didn’t.  White Trash *who know* they’re White Trash voted for Trump.  White Trash *who don’t know* they’re White Trash voted for Clinton.

How will the election affect the juice bar?
No significant effect.  Business will continue as always.

Why is that?
We don’t let external events affect us.  We instead adapt to new conditions.  That’s more effective than trying to control what we can’t control.

You’re not worried that produce prices and labor cost will go up when all illegal immigrants are deported?
Not going to happen. And if it does, we’ll adapt, as always.

So you’re ready for recently passed Initiative 1433, which raises state minimum wage to $13.50 by 2020?
Yep, we’ll adapt.

Will you increase prices?
Probably not until 2018.  We’ll first become more efficient.  For 2017, we’ll better enforce the $1 surcharge for not following ordering guidelines.  Will also add an “Asshole Charge,” $1. Again, no significant changes.

Do presidential elections matter?
Not as much as some think.  Tufts University political scientist and former legal council to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee Michael Glennon on presidential power:

The presidency itself is not a top-down institution, as many people in the public believe, headed by a president who gives orders and causes the bureaucracy to click its heels and salute. National security policy actually bubbles up from within the bureaucracy.

For Glennon, this explains why, six years into Obama’s presidency, the:

Obama version of national security looks almost indistinguishable from the one he inherited. Guantanamo Bay remains open. The NSA has, if anything, become more aggressive in monitoring Americans. Drone strikes have escalated.

When Obama tried to implement his foreign policy:

Obama and his team being shocked and angry to discover upon taking office that the military gave them only two options for the war in Afghanistan: The United States could add more troops, or the United States could add a lot more troops. Hemmed in, Obama added 30,000 more troops.

Under Obama, there have been US interventions in Libya, Syria, Yemen, Ukraine, and more. The only difference between Obama and Bush administrations has been that the former prefers interventions while the latter prefers invasions.

So you don’t think Trump can “drain the swamp”?
Don’t think he can or will. Last president who tried was assassinated. But it’ll be fun to see what Trump advisor Steve Bannon can do about the problem. Trump is just an “imperfect vessel.”

Is America in decline?
No.  It just feels like it is to some people, which has and will always be the case.  As David Brooks has noted, the new American elite — think Silicon Valley executives and immigrant research directors — are far more productive and prescient than the Old Money elite.  They’ll continue to produce jobs for nearly every segment of society, regardless of skill.  The US will continue to be unusually stable for a nation of its size and diversity.

Which food item is overrated?
Orange juice. OJ lobby has convinced Americans that orange juice is the best, most convenient and cost-effective source of vitamin C.  It’s not, it’s full of sugar.  A couple bites of bell pepper gets you as much as vitamin C as does a calorie dense cup of orange juice.  Click here for alternatives to OJ

What’s underrated? 
Popcorn.  So much fiber, so few calories!  Eat this if you want to feel full and lose weight.

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