Frequently Asked Questions Part X

Links to FAQ I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX

General Shop Questions



Why is there a snowman in the store?
Salvaged from another store that was closing, don’t know where else to put him.

Does it have a name? 

Did owner tell my son that the snowman will bite off his penis?  

Why the hell did he do that?  He has nightmares now…
To get him to stop doing whatever he was doing. Sorry about the nightmares.

Did it work?  

How do the ordering guidelines keep costs down?

Our guidelines prevent:

  • human walls that block traffic from forming.
  • people from forgetting their order
  • people who are ready to order from having to wait on those who aren’t ready


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The guidelines also allow us to make multiple drinks at once, prepare for the next drink, and to continue prep work while customer reviews the menu. Most importantly, our system keeps employees sharp and “on-point.”

Put simply, it saves us and our customers significant time.

But doesn’t doing it this way stress out employees?
Stop projecting your incompetence and emotional fragility onto other people.  Other people are not you, other people can decide for themselves what’s stressful or not.  Finally, you’re pissing them off by not following the guidelines, which is why they’re ignoring you.

Do I have to shout out my order? 
Depends.  If all the blenders are on, yes.  If it’s quiet and someone is near you, normal voice is preferred.


Are millennials more spoiled and entitled and narcissistic than previous generations?
No, they’re not much different from their parents and grandparents and so forth.  People and cultures don’t change much, the habits and attitudes of one generation are often passed to the next.

You really think they’re not that different?
They’re not that different. It seems like they’re different because the environment has changed.


Dance Studio

Is there a dance class schedule?
Link to schedule:

How do I sign up for a class?
Meet instructor to discuss.


Is it true when owner was in kindergarten he announced to his schoolmates that Santa doesn’t exist?
That’s a rumor.

Does J Crispy still come into the store? 

How does he feel about having a drink named after him? 
Don’t know.

Is it true Alive Juice Bar has quotas on types of customers?

Why do you discriminate against customers?
Most of our employees and customers don’t want to deal with people like Stepford Wives.  A few here and there we can tolerate.


What’s wrong with them?
They never follow the ordering guidelines because they think it’s rude to not have a line, they want us to play music from like Amy Grant all fucking day, and everyone around them to smile like all the fucking time. They scare our customers and employees.  They’re annoying. Watch the movie for long answer to question:

How do you keep them out?
Bad service, play music that’ll offend them like this:

Where should they go for juice?
Bellevue.  They’ll enjoy Jujubeets.

Who is moving in next door? 
Cricket Wireless, a discount wireless phone company.

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