Example of Application Questionnaire Reading (Not Batshit Crazy)

Some are wondering how we read the application questions.  Here’s a reading of an anonymous applicant’s questionnaire responses without having reviewed her cover letter and resume.  Her responses below.

Has extremely high standards for herself and others, is impatient, is focused and intense when at work, may be unfocused and confused when not at work.  Extremely thick skinned and is contemptuous of those who don’t have similarly thick skin.  Unlikely to make excuses and blame others while at work, very responsible for oneself.  Excellent work ethic. Doesn’t believe in luck, doesn’t have life is a lottery mentality.  Is concerned, stressed about her future, but handles stress well when on the job, has high tolerance for stress and pressure.  Quick and efficient, to the point, doesn’t get easily distracted when solving a problem.  Low self-esteem, average to above average self-confidence. Meticulous.  Good research skills, good ability to recognize patterns when provided scattered information.  Consistent mind, good grasp of reality, is self-aware and generally able to understand other perspectives instead of universalizing one’s subjective reality and values.

  Won’t comment on how we came up with this reading.  We’ll leave it as a puzzle for readers to solve.  Don’t hesitate to ask questions about how we interpret responses.

Application Questions


Earthquake during math class! Big enough to topple bookshelves. Nobody is hurt, everyone is okay, just jittery. What do you, as teacher, do?

a) Stop class, act jittery and anxious because that’s how you feel.

b) Have students clean up mess and continue class as if nothing happened. Assign double amount of homework and quizzes for rest of the week.

c) Stop class, bring in school psychologist to discuss how everyone is handling the event and “post-traumatic stress disorder.”

How many hours a week does the CEO of Walmart work?




How many hours a week does Eminem work?

a) 110



Your child comes home with a “B” on a Math test. You:

a) Congratulate him for doing a great job.

b) Berate him for not doing better because “B” is for Bitch.

c) Call teacher to ask why her tests are so hard.

Who is overpaid?

a) Microsoft Engineer making $150,000 a year, full benefits, 3 weeks paid vacation,matching 401k.

b) McDonald’s Cook making $10/hour, no benefits, no paid vacation.

c) Police Officer making $80,000 a year, full benefits, 4 weeks paid vacation, lifetime pension after retirement (20 years service).

What does the CEO of Walmart do all day?

a)Figuring out new ways to exploit hard workers like me.

b)Sets strategy and vision, negotiates partnerships, builds company culture, and manages supply chains to ensure consumers get what they want when they want it.

c)Banging his hot secretary.

How often do you experience road rage?

a) Once a day

b) Once a week

c) Never

Why are you so lazy?

a) I’m not lazy.

b) I don’t have enough responsibilities.

c) I have chronic fatigue syndrome.

Why are you so lazy?

a) I get stressed out easily.

b) I’m self-centered and self-absorbed, so I don’t like making sacrifices for others. It’s too much work.

c) I like having fun. I need rest and relaxation.

Why do you work so hard?

a) I have a lot of responsibilities

b) I’m ambitious, I want to do something special

c) I don’t work hard, I’m lazy.

Why are your friends boring?

a) They’re not boring. They’re a lot of fun.

b) They never want to try anything new. They talk about and do the same things over and over again. They’re really conventional.

c) I don’t know.

People should be paid based on:

a) Value they produce for business

b) How hard and long they work

c) How difficult and gross the job is.

How many years should you spend in jail?

a) 0

b) 1-3

c) more than 3

Why are you so lazy?

a) I daydream a lot.

b) I’m bored.

c) I make excuses and blame others when something goes wrong.

Who has the most stressful job?

a) Waitress at busy Olive Garden

b) CEO of Walmart

c) Police Officer

What’s a Senior attending exclusive Lakeside School doing Saturday night, October 23rd?

a) Hanging out with schoolmates at a cafe in Capitol Hill, gossipping and talking about who wore what.

b) Studying for the SAT and writing college essays for Ivy League schools

c) Selling cocaine and marijuana to students

What were you, as a Senior, doing Saturday night, October 23rd?

a) Hanging out with friends at someone’s home, don’t remember what you talked about.

b) Studying for the SAT and writing college essays

c) Working a job.

Why are you so stupid?

a) I’m lazy and obedient, so I don’t ask questions.

b) I’m confused and bored, I don’t see the point.

c) I’m not stupid, I’m brilliant!

Why are you so smart?

a)I’m not smart, only stupid people think they’re smart

b)I’ve always worked hard and set the highest standards for myself. I took the most challenging courses and tasks and wouldn’t accept anything less than an “A” at school and at work.

c) I’m naturally smart, it’s God given.

Why do you hate poor people?

a) We hate those we’re afraid of becoming. I’m afraid I’ll become or am one of them

b) I don’t hate them. I want to help them by showing them how to become better, someone more like me.

c) They’re lazy and have bad habits that are ruining society. They’re hopeless.

Kofi Annan is:

a) Select grade coffee bean found along Owa Tagu Siam river, used by locals for medicinal purposes

b) Some black dude with cool name.

c) Some white rapper whose real name is George Smith

Why are you not special?

a) I am special. My mom thinks I’m special.

b) I haven’t done anything extraordinary.

c) Everyone is special. We’re all unique.

Why do you get stressed out so easily?

a) Growing up, I was coddled so I never developed mental toughness

b) I don’t like working under pressure

c) I’m not getting enough rest and relaxation.

Why are you so mentally tough?

a) Growing up, my parents never coddled me when I got hurt or sick

b) I grew up poor. Humiliation makes one tough.

c) I’m not mentally tough. I’m sensitive, it’s easy to hurt my feelings.

How many people do you hate?

a) 0

b) 1-5

c) More than 5

What would you do to someone you hate?

a) Fart on them.

b) Get Dark Ages on them, dungeon style

c) Pee on them.

Are you good at researching facts?

a) Yes

b) No

c) Don’t know, you tell me.


Person A from age 5 to 25, attends school 6 hours a day, studies 4 hours a day, spends 6 hours of leisure time learning to build and building, with like-minded friends, random things, like a tree house, a bridge, a dog walking robot. A also spends an hour per day daydreaming of building something that will improve world’s standard of living. At age 25, he graduates with a Masters degree in electrical engineering and is offered a salary of $150,000 to work as a product developer for a green tech company. He gets 3 weeks vacation, full benefits. He accepts the position and works 60-80 hours per week, and is expected to be available for phone calls and e-mails during his vacations. He pays Federal Government 30 percent of his earnings.

Person B, from age 5-25, attends school 6 hours a day, studies 1 hour a day, spends 6 hours of leisure time passively watching TV shows and films like Jersey Shore and Twilight, 3 hours a day daydreaming about being wealthy and pampered and adored by everyone. At age 25, he graduates with a degree in Socks, Drugs, and Rock and Roll. Unable to find a job in his field of study, he takes a job as a cashier at McDonald’s, making $10 per hour, 40 hours per week, or $20,000 for the year. He doesn’t have to pay taxes.

Let’s assume one of them is “underpaid.” Which one and why?

Person A. He dedicated a large portion of his time in studying, learning, and educating himself to become an engineer. And he is dedicating 60-80 per hour in a company to help the environment. He is also doing something that benefits other people.

Multiple Choice:

What did Walmart founder Sam Walmart drive?

a)Beat up pickup truck



I am (choose one):

a) Polite and Obedient

b) Responsible and Dignified

c) Agreeable and Nice

Why are you envious of rich people?

a)I don’t have it in me to work as hard as they do

b)It’s not fair. They screw people over and kiss ass to get where they are.

c) I’m not envious. I admire them.

Why are you so stupid?

a)I don’t know what I don’t know.

b) For the last time, I’m not stupid, I’m brilliant!

c) I don’t ask enough questions.

Open Ended Question

Mary hires Peter and Paul to dig two ditches, assigning one to each. Peter finishes in one hour because he used his latest invention, the super-duper soil remover zapper. Paul, using a shovel and hard work, finishes his in 8 hours. How much should Mary pay Peter. How much to Paul? Who should she hire if she wants a third ditch?

-Mary should pay Peter more since he used his time efficiently.

-She should hire Peter for the third ditch for faster productivity.

How do poor people talk?

a) They brag about themselves, make themselves seem better than they are.

b) They like to talk a lot about their problems.

c) They talk like desperate victims.

How many hours did Peter spend developing his latest invention, the super-duper soil remover zapper?

a) 2, genius comes naturally to him

b) 200, he got a lucky break

c) 2000, innovation is hard work

Why are you so lazy?

a) There’s no point in working hard. Life is unfair, it won’t get me anywhere.

b) Most of my friends are lazy. It’s contagious.

c) I’ve never been exposed to those who work hard, like 100 hours a week.

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