Owner began cooking when he was 6 years old. He had his first samosa when he was 8. He experienced puberty at age 12. He didn’t get kicked out of high school. He studied Socks, Drugs, and Rock and Roll in college; Semantics with Pedantics in grad school. Owner is not an illegal alien. He may be a figment of your imagination. Some claim to have seen him. Others doubt his existence.
Korena studied Kung Fu under sifu Ming Tsai until she was expelled from his temple for reasons she won’t reveal until she’s married with 2 kids, 3 cats, and a spotted dog. She’ has since found solace at Alive Juice Bar, especially when searching for funny carrots. She likes guys with 6 pack abs. Sometimes she’s funny. She refuses to hit customers with a funny carrot. She’s 27-0-1 with 19 TKOs in fights with customers. Sometimes she’s not so funny.
Erica eats a lot. She’ll eat anything. Yes, even this. And that. When not eating, she writes songs about food. Her favorites are: Tik Tok, it’s Taco Time; Twinkle Twinkle Snickers Bars; When a Lamb Loves a Hungry Woman; I Like Big Buns. She’s never had a nightmare where she didn’t eat the monster. Chickens are afraid of her because she’s killed one with her bare hands. She has never killed a person with her bare hands.
MeKayla is a dork. She eats like a dork, sings like a dork, and dances like a dork. She can be seen singing and dancing to songs about downloading porn with someone named Davo, white girls wanting big butts, and slackers wondering who fucked up that leaning tower. She’s so dorky, she can eat spaghetti and play the violin at the same time. Doctors tell us her dorki-ness isn’t contagious so there’s nothing to worry about. She fantasizes about bathing in hot sauce. Maybe we should worry about her.