This is my new favorite place to go in the whole wide world when my girlfriends and I are pissed at our Dummy Boys.
I went here with my favorite girlfriend and a girlfriend I pretend to like to talk shit about our Dummy Boys. Like how they’ve been doing unspeakable things to stupid sluts they meet online. We don’t like them.
As we started with a Korean pancake stuffed with veggies and octopus we talked about what we wanted to do to those stupid sluts. For instance, I wanted to tie her up, strip her naked and then bitch slap her with the pancake and then stuff it in her mouth until she chokes and turns purple like an eggplant. Then I’d shave off her hair and tattoo “slut” on her butt. But I can’t do shit like that anymore because my parents will disown me if I go to jail again and I’m just not that kind of girl anymore.
So instead, my girlfriends and I ordered shoju and Korean BBQ at Old Village — Kalbi, beef tongue, and the assorted seafood (octopus, shrimp, oyster, and scallops) — and pretend the raw pieces of meat are those stupid sluts. We made all sorts of mock screaming stupid bitch noises as we cooked the meat over the hot charcoal. And then we pretended the seafood were our Dummy Boys — my Dummy Boy was a scallop — and we poked them with our chopsticks as we cooked them. So cathartic! I like that, we all liked that, that was fun.
We weren’t angry or vengeful anymore by the end of the meal. We were full and satisfied and I felt as good as the that time I caught a boy I like checking out my boobs. Thanks Old Village for providing a meal that makes us happy and less bitchy!