Ever looked at a Christmas Village and wondered what it’d be like to live in one?  If you have, then you should visit Quebec City during its Christmas festival season (mid-November to end of December).

To begin with, Old Quebec City, founded in 1608 by the French, is the most  European and Christmas Village looking city in North America.  Check these out:

The last video above is especially romantic: small rustic restaurant named “Lapin Saute” (The Jumping Rabbit), steady falling snow outside, and they even use a real fireplace so you hear the wood crackling.

Before you romanticize the scenes above too much, keep in mind that Lapin Saute specializes in serving furry and adorable rabbits.  I had the kidney and liver rabbit salad:

Quebecoise cuisine is rednecky.   Game meat  — deer, rabbit, guinea fowl, and duck — is on the menu at most restaurants in Old Quebec City.  Deer tartare (my first time) at Le Clan, a modernist restaurant (there are six of them there I’m aware of), below.

I also had deer tartare at a diner, and in both cases, the deer didn’t taste gamey, it’s more of a lighter version of its beef counterpart.  Guinea fowl, which I tried for the first time, is a bit denser and stronger in flavor than chicken.  Rabbit is also similar to chicken, but denser and earthier.  Duck is fattier and more flavorful than chicken.  Below is duck confit drumsticks with veggie (beets, yams, and potatoes) fries, from Sam Bistro.

Above is pan seared foie gras from La Buche (the log) a redneck diner that plays music from Quebec Redneck Bluegrass Project.

Main difference is that the redneck foie gras is sweeter than usual because it has so much maple syrup.  And they added bacon to it.  On the fish side, Salmon — smoked or served as tartare — is most common.

When to go

I went the last week of November for nearly a week.  Temperatures ranged from 40F to 10F, which is typical, and it snowed for a few of the days.  If you go in mid December, when the temperatures rarely get above 30F and will sometimes dip below 0F, but the toboggan rides next to the Saint Laurent River and the Frontenac Castle Hotel are open!

It should also be cold enough by then that you can visit the construction of the Ice Hotel outside of Old Quebec City.

It’s cold but at least they provide open air fire pits for you to warm up to.  Here are a few at the German Christmas Market that’s open over the weekends.

At the German Market, you can buy small hand crafted gifts and food, including fondue, homemade candy, and hot (as in temperature) tomato wine and hot ginger shots.

Where to stay

I stayed at the Fairmont Frontenac, supposedly the most photographed hotel in the world.  I’d stay there again, even though I did research boutique alternatives for the same cost ($200/night).  First, it’s a great location especially if you’re there during the toboggan ride season starting in mid December.  The river is there, as is the funicular to visit the lower part of the city, which is also where the art galleries are.  Unlike comparably rated hotels, it has a gym and a pool, great to have in case there’s a cold snap or because the the sidewalks are difficult to walk on.  WARNING: they surprisingly don’t do a good job of shoveling and salting sidewalks so bring snow shoes, hiking shoes aren’t good enough.

It’s a big ass hotel, with several wings and up to 17 floors.  Inside are cute and pricey shops and four restaurants, so there’s enough going on in there to keep you busy for an entire day if you don’t feel like going out.

DON’T stay at a low rated hotel, where safety measures will be lax and guests are more likely to do stupid shit like start a fire.  That’s what happened a few blocks away, and it shut down power on several city blocks, including at the Frontenac for two hours.  Imagine standing outside in the cold for hours, waiting for the fire department to finish working.

Since it’s a famous hotel with a couple of well known restaurants, it’s busy with tourists.  The lobbies will be crowded and noisy.  If that bothers you, then consider a comparably priced boutique hotel where you’ll probably get more intimate service.  Oh, and don’t expect Frontenac to look like a Fairmont.  My basic room with city view was perfect size — large enough for yoga and there’s a desk to use as a workstation.  But perhaps because the hotel opened in 1893, it feels a bit dated and some of their updates are questionable.  The shower head, for instance, is great for residential use, but too complicated for hotels.  Otherwise, everything works well, as expected from a Fairmont.

Language

Quebec City isn’t just the capital of Quebec, it’s the cultural capital of French-Canada.  Most everyone who works in the Old City speaks English in addition to French so English speakers don’t have to worry about language barriers.  Those of you who want to practice French, Quebec City is better than Montreal.  People in QC were more likely to help you practice French than in Montreal, where French speaking folks aren’t as protective of the French language and they all seem to speak English perfectly.

Cost

Bacon and two eggs breakfast is $18 CND.  An IPA is $9 CND.  Take 20% off and that’ll be your cost in USD, so prices are comparable to what you’d find in the US.

Overall Impressions

Clean, no visible drug users, street whores, and homeless.  A lot more tourists than expected, Saturday evening was shoulder to shoulder.  Has a Disney atmosphere except everything is real.

Restaurant food could’ve been more varied, seemed like most restaurants served the same ingredients — game meats, poutine, fondue, fish and chips.  I suspect locals have a more varied diet, as there are a bunch of ramen places just outside of Old Quebec.  I saw a Japanese restaurant, but it was closed, for some reason.

Next up, Mexico City and Queretaro.  Followed by Guanajuato and then Lima, Peru.

Link to book description and intro:  New etiquette book available for pre-order

This book will be for sale in store sometime in January 2023.

Chapter 10

It’s okay to be mean, really.  Even Jesus Christ was a mean motherfucker when people fucked with his shit, flipping tables and all.  From the book of Matthew 21:12-13:

(12)And Jesus entered the temple[a] and drove out all who sold and bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons. (13) He said to them, “It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer,’ but you make it a den of robbers.”

That’s right, anyone who thinks Jesus was a nice dude not only hasn’t read the Bible, but probably thinks Pedro the priest doesn’t jerk off to biddibongbiddibing.

It’s human nature to be mean, though some are naturally meaner than others.  Those are details best left for another treatment, let’s start with the premise that there are good and bad ways to be mean.  You can be mean in a way that’s bad for your mental health, for instance.  Which implies that there are ways to be mean that’s healthy for you.  You can also be gratuitously mean.  You may not be mean enough, or at least not mean in an effective way.  And you can be mean in a way that’ll attract those who can make your life better, and drive away those who’ll make you miserable.  In summary, the art of being mean is worth thinking about.  So let’s examine how most people are mean in Anglo cultures (eg. US, UK, Canada) since I’m writing for the Anglo audience.

Sarcasm 

Anglo cultures (eg. US, UK, Canada) love sarcasm.  It’s everywhere and most are proud to be sarcastic.  Here’s the dictionary definition of sarcasm:

the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.

Here’s the Wiki definition:

a sharp, bitter, or cutting expression or remark; a bitter gibe or taunt

Here’s the Greek etymology of sarcasm:

Greek sarkasmos “sarcasm,” from sarkazein “to tear flesh, bite the lips in rage, sneer,”

Which means most Americans, without realizing it, are bitter people who prefer to express contempt in a joking manner so as to not take ownership for feeling and expressing it.  And people wonder why middle-class America is the most medicated demographic in the world.  When people dress feelings they’re uncomfortable with — hate and anger — as “harmless, sassy wit,” they become emotionally corrupt. One can’t be nice AND sarcastic, just as one can’t be a nice rapist.  Pick one or the other, one can’t have it both ways.  Trying to have it both ways is how batshit crazy begins.

And just how mean does one need to be?  Usually, not mean enough to warrant using sarcasm to express what’s bothering you, the razor blades sarcasm brings to most fights are gratuitous and excessive.  Check out this opening line from an Emily Warren music video:

Good news Riley, looks like you’re going to be working the entire weekend

That’s a typical sarcastic remark Americans make. How is that funny?  It isn’t funny to Riley, who was looking forward to having the weekend off. Maybe it’s funny to those who really really hate Riley and wish the worst for her? Is the speaker marveling at his own so-called wit, at Riley’s expense?  Wouldn’t it be kinder if he’d said this instead:

Riley, I’m sorry.  I know you were looking forward to taking this weekend off, but we really need you to work this weekend. I’ll make it up to you.

Point is, a lot of people make sarcastic remarks when it’s inappropriate to do so.  This creates negativity that’s somehow packaged as funny to those who delight in other people’s follies and misfortunes.

If the intention is to be bitter and mean, then fine, continue with the sarcasm.  But don’t tell everyone how nice you are because that’s about as honest as American foreign policy.  Save the sarcasm for when you’re really really pissed, like ready to choke that person out pissed.  Here’s how Jesus used sarcasm to taunt a mob that wanted to stone him:

They picked up stones again to stone Him. Jesus answered them, “I showed you many good works from the Father; for which of them are you stoning Me?” – John 10:31–32

Ouch. Here’s another example of sarcasm used appropriately, someone asked Moses if he was fucking up after he led his wandering Jews out of Egypt:

Was there a lack of graves in Egypt, that you took us away to die in the wilderness?” Exodus 14:11

Another example from Hamlet Act 1, Scene 2, in which Hamlet gets pissed about his mom marrying his uncle way too soon after his father has died:

“Thrift, thrift, Horatio! The funeral bak’d meats did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables.”

In the above three examples, sarcasm is used only in dire situations and its purpose isn’t to joke around, it’s to elucidate what’s really happening. To use sarcasm to joke about everyday situations is to use it inappropriately, with disastrous consequences.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling contempt and taunting another person. Even Jesus felt contempt toward the Pharisees and had sharp words for them.  It’s the dishonesty about one’s intentions and sense of self that’s toxic.  If you’re going to be mean, be unabashedly mean and take responsibility for it instead of dressing it up as a joke.  This is how Tucker Max, New York Times bestselling author of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell and Assholes Finish First, introduces himself:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

Which he is, read his books if you don’t believe me. But at least he’s not emotionally corrupt and batshit crazy because he’s *honest* about his meanness.  And his meanness has a point – he’s calling out posers, self-righteous dipshits, really.  His meanness is a gratifying counterpoint to the humorless, passive-aggressive narratives that losers chirp around to virtue signal their moral superiority when in fact, they are cruel, vile, and incompetent.  Tucker Max is mean and he makes the world a better place.

“Dangerous Faggot” Milo Yiannapoulos also lauds the virtues of being mean, to be a “virtuous troll” as he calls it.  For him, the game of political and moral discourse is no different from a game of football – to not be mean is to forfeit the game.  One must speak with teeth instead of being muzzled by political correctness.  That’s because:

The progressive Left is dedicated to the annihilation of America and every surviving libertarian and conservative person in it. The Left’s gratuitous vandalism of American institutions and its hostility to the principles that have made this country great cannot be fought with essays in magazines. The Left can only win by forcing us onto the uneven playing field of political correctness. I choose war.

Play the fucking game right – land your punches — or go home, okay?  That means avoiding euphemisms and describing what you see with succinct precision.

How to mean the correct way

First, take responsibility for being mean, what’s the point of hiding that you’re a mean person?  In other words and again, be honest, be authentic and sincere.  When you announce your intention to be mean instead of hiding it in a pile of fake good intentions and lame jokes, you’ll feel better about yourself, and your meanness might make the world a better place.  I mean, do you want to live intentionally or not?  Because if you’re not living intentionally, then you’ll have no idea when you’re being mean.  You’ll be mean *while* you think you’re the nicest person in the whole wide world, perhaps because your job title or degree (BS in Social Fucking Justice!) says so.  That’s the most treacherous type of meanness because it’s driven by hubris and detachment from social reality.

Paul Graham, the billionaire co-founder of the start-up accelerator, Y-Combinator, once tweeted, “The most surprising thing I’ve learned from being involved with nonprofits is that they are a magnet for sociopaths. One’s naive reaction is “Why would nonprofits attract them? Nonprofits do good!” But the defining quality of nonprofits is to make no profit, not to do good.”  Those with good manners virtue signal, those with good fucking manners get shit done.

Euphemisms
They’re a waste of time, dangerous lies really.  But Anglos love them because they think it makes them high sounding, as if their shit don’t stink.  Example: in Chinese, the restroom is “stinky room.”  In Anglo nations, the “stinky place” is the “restroom,” reality scrubbed clean.  Think about that.

Other examples: secretary has morphed to “administrative assistant” to “project coordinator.”  “Janitors” became “custodians” and now “custodial engineers.” You think the title change confers upon them more respect or does the pretentiousness of it all make them more look pathetic, even though I doubt many of them requested the title changes.  Then there’s self-aggrandizement, where people start some bullshit business, no employees of office, and call themselves a “CEO.”  In the American socio-cultural world, Black people went from “nigger” to “negro” to “African American” in less than 100 years with nothing to show for it, unemployment rate for Blacks has consistently been double the rate for Whites since they started to keep track of that data in 1950, regardless of who is in office.  What are fat people called now?  How about those pronouns, are they a source of freedom or dysfunction?  People wonder why so many Americans suffer from identity crisis and are thus the most medicated demographic in history.

Still don’t think euphemisms are dangerous lies?  How about “quantitative easing” for “printing a shitload of money to fund stupid shit”?  “Friendly fire” for “deadly accidents in the name of war.”  “Collateral damage” when a bomb misses and takes out a village of civilians.  A friend of mine who works for a major weapons manufacturer is required to call the bombs he designs “ordnances”?

The flip side of softening the blow of reality is to exaggerate the trials and tribulations of those you don’t like. In the West, the Tiananmen Protests became the “Tiananmen Massacre,” blending elements of truth – deadly city-wide riots and a large student protest – to create a helluva story since discredited by WikiLeaks[1] and Western journalists such as Gregory Clark.[2] Russian invasion of Ukraine as “unprovoked,” even though Pat Buchanan and University of Chicago political scientist John Mearsheimer have warned about US aggression toward Russia since the late 1990s.  The moral certitude and self-righteousness of the Anglo mainstream is breathtaking.  George Orwell on the source of this madness:

Our language becomes ugly and inaccurate because our thoughts are foolish, but the slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts.[3]

Euphemisms make people stupid and emotionally lame.  So stop using them if you want to have good fucking manners.  Dipshits will call you mean, which you are.  George Orwell, one more time:

The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one’s real and one’s desired aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms.

Be mean by being honest, transparent, and concise.  And save the sarcasm for when you’re justifiably

[1] Link to Wikileaks regarding Tiananmen Square is broken (interesting).  So, try https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/wikileaks/8555142/Wikileaks-no-bloodshed-inside-Tiananmen-Square-cables-claim.html

[2] https://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2008/07/21/commentary/birth-of-a-massacre-myth/

[3] https://saharareporters.com/2010/11/25/george-orwell-%E2%80%93-politics-and-english-language#:~:text=The%20decline%20of%20a%20language,us%20to%20have%20foolish%20thoughts.

We’ll use this time to deep clean, organize, and explore.  Some recipes will change, and there’ll be a couple of new items.

First trip will be to Quebec City, which looks like a Christmas village starting last week of November.

Quartier Le Petit Champlain

Frontenac Hotel, overlooking St. Lawrence river.

There’s an ice hotel in Quebec City! Unfortunately, it’s not ready until January for viewing and stays. But I don’t want to be in QC in January because sub zero temperatures aren’t unusual during that time.

There’s even a bar inside! Someday I’ll check it out, maybe on a layover.

And since this is a business trip, we’ll check out restaurants for ideas and inspiration.

Next stop is Mexico City, an underrated and safe metropolis of 9 million, to explore some museums, restaurants, and neighborhoods I missed last time I was there.  Hopefully we’ll dine at Pujol, which according to Restaurant magazine, is the 9th ranked restaurant in the world, and Quintonil, to see what modern Mexican cuisine is about.

From there we’ll rent a car to drive to Santiago de Queretaro, a city of a million that’s 2 hours northwest of Mexico City.  They say it’s a prosperous and beautiful city, with its 17th century aqueduct still intact.

Panoramic View of Santiago de Queretaro Aqueduct in Mexico.

Two nights there and then it’s off to Guanajuato, my favorite city in the world.  It may be small — population of 200,000 within the municipality and 70,000 in the city — but it has the amenities and events of much larger cities.  A symphony, two theaters, and two international festivals, for instance.  And there’s a nice balance of tourists from around the world, instead of mostly form the US and Canada.  Food there is as good though not as varied as what you’d find in Seattle.  I had amazing French and Italian food last time I was there, but you won’t find dim sum, ramen, or stinky tofu.

Then to Lima, Peru, primarily to explore its famous cuisine.  Many chefs tout Peruvian cuisine as one of the best in the world, and everyone who has traveled South America says Lime has the best food on the continent.  Especially excited to try Nikkei cuisine at Maido, ranked the 11th top restaurant by Restaurant magazine.  I’m curious about the climate: Lima is a desert (two inches of rain per year) in the tropics with high humidity (80%).  Yearly temperatures range from 45-80F.  And for six months our of the year, it feels like it’s about it rain but never does.  Bizarre!

Nikkei cuisine at Maido.

Lima sits on cliff overlooking the Pacific Ocean.

From there, back to Everett to prepare for opening on New Year’s Day.  Will post regularly about travels, so follow the blog, Facebook and Instagram for photos and videos.  Happy holidays everyone!

Hours and Labor

Q: You said you were going to open for lunch during the week.  What happened?
A: Sorry about that.  Late night delivery business (Doordash/Uber) has built up enough that it’s taking up a lot of time — taking delivery orders to 11pm most days.  We’re also still doing delivery orders (delivered by owner, not Doordash/Uber) in the early morning to customers to our old neighborhood.  And the owner is enjoying this schedule — eg. going on morning hikes, eating out for lunch, and taking a nap before opening at 4pm.  He’s going to wait until January 2023 to open for lunch, and only if he can find labor.

Q: Hey, can owner deliver to my place.  I’m in Shoreline/Edmonds/Lynnwood.
A: Yes!  Message him on Facebook or Instagram.

Q: Is he having trouble finding employees?  
A: Yes, he’s going to wait until there are more international students and immigrants available.  Again, he’s not in a rush to hire.

Q: Did the owner really fire an eight year old.
A: Yes

Q: Why?
A: He couldn’t figure out what to do within the training time-window.

Q: Wait, did he really hire an eight year old?  
A: Yes, he was younger brother of 11 year old who worked here.

The Economy

Q: Are you worried about recession?
A: No, looking forward to it.

Q: Why?  Aren’t you afraid it’ll hurt you?
A:   The economy and culture needs a correction.  Supply chain problems (due to inflated demand?) should go away during this recession and it’ll give businesses time (finally!) to update and automate processes.  Recessions tend to hurt high end businesses (though I don’t think that’ll happen this time around), while bolstering fast casual establishments that have been around for over 10 years.

Q: Who will the recession hurt? 
A:  Those who spent much of the pandemic sitting on their asses and wantonly spending their stimulus checks.

Thanksgiving Dinner and Autumn Break

Q: Are you offering Thanksgiving Dinner Meals this year? 
A: Yes!  It’ll include a 20 lb. turkey, coconut mashed potatoes, garlic green beans, yams, homemade cranberry sauce, gravy from scratch, and stuffing.  Most likely $120.

Q: What about dessert and bread?  
A: We don’t offer that.  Customers have found that making dessert and bread gives them just enough work to keep them busy but not overwhelmed.

Q: When are you closing for vacation?  
A: From Thanksgiving to New Year’s Eve

Q: Where are you going?
A: Quebec City for a white Christmas, French-Canadian cuisine, an ice hotel, and a stay at the Frontenac hotel, which I’ve always wanted to see.

Then back to Everett to deep clean the store.  Then off to Santiago, Chile.  From there, a road trip to Bariloche, Argentina (Patagonia region).  Then fly to Mexico City and bus it to Guanajuato and Leon.

Then we’ll open on New Year’s Day!

Thorstein Veblen publishes Theory of the Leisure Class: an Economic Study of Institutions in 1899. He’s trying to figure out what makes people act like douchebags by studying their consumption habits. Like why Sara buys clothes at this store; Marty drives that car; Vivian drinks obscure coffee. Pre-test:

1. Who owns a Corvette?
a) Vascular Surgeon
b) The commercial plumber
c) The tenured college professor

2. Who owns most amount of clothes?
a) White trash girl living in trailer park
b) Old money girl attending exclusive boarding school
c) Middle-class girl living in middle-class cul-de-sac

3. What does middle-class woman eat on her birthday?
a) Surf and turf
b) Sushi and tempura
c) Raw oysters and beef tongue

4. What is upper-class woman eating Friday evening?
a) Cocktail shrimp and beef tenderloin steak
b) Acai bowl with quinoa, kale chips on side
c) Grilled beef tongue and fried shrimp heads

5. Who is most likely to have read a violent pornographic novel (eg. Georges Bataille, Pauline Reage, Marquis de Sade)
a) Upper-class woman, undergrad from Wellesley and PhD in Comparative Literature
b) Middle-class home economics teacher with enormous porn collection.
c) White trash who beats the shit out of his girlfriend.

Answers:
1. b
2. c
3. a
4. c
5. a

Surprised? Oblique explanations in main text.

Why People Act Like Poseurs and Douchebags

For our purposes here, the only thing we need to take from Theory of Leisure Class is that imitation is the driving force of American capitalist consumerism. In Feudalism, social mobility is limited by birth and the serf works for subsistence, not social mobility. Capitalism, promising unprecedented (upward and downward) social mobility, makes imitation possible, accessible, and encouraged by the logic of economic growth.  “Keeping up,” as Americans put it.  The capitalist “Leisure Class” signifies not only Old and New Money, but anyone with discretionary income, or at least anyone with a credit card.

Whom do people imitate?  Those they *perceive* as just above them.  What do people imitate? The *imagined* sensibilities and habits of those they *perceive* as just above them. Pay attention to the choice of words: “perceive” and “imagined” because people from all social classes tend to have trouble at not only figuring out what those outside their social circles are thinking and doing, but also a person’s social status. That’s why the not-quite-middle-class teen thinks the woman with a deep tan and a tit job is high society. The Old Money woman thinks the young tow truck driver is being ironic when he’s not. The woman who reads The New Yorker has no idea who Jimmie Johnson is. The guy with collection of Jimmie Johnson autographs can’t imagine an Ivy League college professor who listens to Outkast and has tickets to Venus in Furs and The Vagina Monologues, both of which the Time and Oprah magazine reading home economics teacher with tickets to The Nutcracker Suite finds dirty and offensive.  Which is why all this imitation looks more like self-parody than “faking it till you make it.”

History of American Cuisine: Colonial Era

Pick:

6. What’s most likely on the menu at a two year old casual fine dining restaurant in New York City that just won its first Micheline star?
a) Lobster alfredo with chantrelle mushrooms
b) Bone marrow with jerk spiced duck hearts
c) Wagyu tenderloin served with roasted rosemary potatoes

7. Who sucked the most dick by age 18?
a) Working middle-class Tina who attended Catholic school
b) Upper-middle class Siobhan who attended exclusive boarding school
c) Working middle-class Anthony who attended public school

8. Which family is most likely to own Emily Post books on etiquette and send children to etiquette school?
a) Conservative middle-class family, mom is homemaker, dad is bank manager.
b) Old Money family, mom is art curator, dad is opera singer.
c) New Money Google millionaires, Mom and Dad are executives

9. Who sucked the most dick by age 28?
a) Working middle-class Tina who attended Catholic school
b) Upper-middle class Siobhan who attended exclusive boarding school
c) Old Money Sarah who attended public school

10. What vehicle does single Korean man who runs with his parents an established Teriyaki store drive?
a) Toyota Camry
b) Ford Mustang
c) Porsche Cayenne

Answers:
6. b
7. a
8. a
9. b
10. c

Seventeenth century, White Europeans from varied backgrounds started moving to The New World. The English soon became dominant, assimilating the Dutch and the Swedes after kicking their asses, but they couldn’t reach a deal with the French (Acadians in Nova Scotia) so the English told them to fuck off, relocating some of them to Louisiana where they begin Cajun culture. Point is, American cuisine began as variant of British cuisine, and in contrast to the French, who adopted Native American hunting and cooking methods and incorporated indigeneous ingredients into their diet, the Americans used Old World Methods to prepare New World ingredients and tried to grow Old World ingredients in New World climate, with mixed results.  Where reliable trade with British Empire was established, Old World ingredients were imported, making American (New England especially) cuisine intentionally British.

There were lots of regional variations that cut across socio-economic lines — American cuisine has never been monolithic —  with, for instance, upland Southern Rednecks eating possums and squirrels with cabbage and potatoes, and African and Caribbean ingredients and cooking methods influencing the pork based lowland Southern diet.  Pennsylvania Germans brought sausages, sauerkraut, and beer from the Old World. But colonial British mercantilist policies that limited American trade to within the Empire ensured that British traditions would dominate until the Brits began taxing alcohol starting with the Molasses Act of 1733 and the Sugar Act of 1760, and then luxury goods with the Quartering Act of 1763 and tea with the Tea Act of 1773.

The Brits soon learned that when you fuck with people’s alcohol and caffeine supply, there’s going to be a revolution. Americans began boycotting British goods and finally went native out of frustration with British laws. Whiskey had been looked down on by American high society types, who preferred Old World British goods and habits. Now Northern whiskey, made of rye (non-native European ingredient), was becoming fashionable, and Southern whiskey was considered patriotic due to its use of corn, an indigenous ingredient. Rum was out, as it was seen as a symbol of British power.

Another significant change was the shift from tea to coffee.  John Adams wrote to his wife in 1773: “Tea must be universally renounced and I must be weaned, and the sooner the better.” When word got out that a group of housewives in Massachusetts united to serve — as a fuck you to the Brits — only coffee, many were inspired to do the same.

It’s been said that you can tell a lot about a person by what he or she eats.  We can probably tell a lot about a nation by what its people eat.  Shifts in eating habits aren’t accidents and they’re an index of what’s to come politically. You can smell a revolution that’s waiting to happen.

Independence – Immigration Act of 1924

Independence achieved, Americans stopped shitting on French cuisine, which they had disdained during the seemingly never ending conflict between the British and the French. Before the War, cookbook writer Hannah Glasse, wrote in Art of Cookery: “the blind folly of this age that would rather be imposed on by a French booby, than give encouragement to a good English cook!” On French recipes: “an odd jumble of trash.” Those insults disappeared in the first *American* post-war edition of her cookbook, probably because the French had helped with American war effort. The French-American alliance also led to French chefs migrating to the States during the French Revolution, which would’ve been unthinkable under British rule.

Free from the constraints of British mercantilism, American cooks gained wider access to foreign goods.  As an expanding industrializing nation requiring more White people (1790 Act limited citizenship to White people) to populate conquered lands and to work in expanding factories, the US began to accept more and a wider range of White immigrants — now including many from Eastern and Southern Europe — who further diversified American culinary habits. By 1924, Americans are eating all kinds of peasant-redneck-soul food — pig’s ears, raw oysters, raw beef, possums, ram testicles, squirrels, chicken gizzards, cow brains, pig’s feet, and blood pudding.

I use year 1924 as a bookend because it marks the end of liberal immigration policies and the beginning of the modern kitchen.  Growing concern about the “Whiteness” of some European immigrants — Italians, Slavs, and Eastern European Jews — the Immigration Act of 1924 limited the annual number of immigrants who could be admitted from any country to 2% of the number of people from that country who were already living in the US. It was a way to ensure that the US remain a White, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant (WASP) nation, not overrun by Irish and Italian Catholics, Jews, Slavs, and other undesirable not-quite-White European “races.”  And by severing the flow of people and cultural habits from undesirable parts of Europe to ethnic US neighborhoods, the not-quite-White people of the US would finally lose their immigrant heritage and assimilate to become fully White and American.

And it was around 1924 that modern refrigeration was becoming common in middle-class America, which led to the rise to mass produced industrialized foods such as frozen meals.  Refrigeration in rail cars meant farms no longer had to be located near population centers and more land could be farmed, resulting in lower prices of prestige items such as beef.

The Federal government and academia were also getting involved in what Americans ate.  Nutritionists and home economics professors introduced a scientific approach to nutrition and eating. They began telling Americans which meals and cooking methods are safe and proper.

Modern American Cuisine

Why did some American ethnic and regional foods become popular nationally, while others remained marginalized or disappeared?

Test break!

11. Who sucked the most dick by age 45?
a) Working middle-class Tina who attended Catholic school
b) Upper-middle class Siobhan who attended exclusive boarding school
c) Old Money Sarah who attended public school

12. It’s 1973, in some middle to upper middle class suburb. What do the Johnson’s have in their kitchen?
a) A dead body, cut up, probably neighbor’s daughter
b) White Wonder bread, margarine, and Tang.
c) Pickled beets, sauerkraut, and offals.

13. Where has Old Money Sarah never eaten?
a) McDonald’s
b) Harold’s Chicken Shack
c) Red Lobster

14. Who lost a toe while on vacation?
a) Upper middle-class Ginger
b) Lower-middle class Tiffany
c) Upper-class Wes

15. Who spends the most on nails and tan?
a) Old Money Sarah
b) Upper middle-class Jimmy
c) Lower-middle class Tiffany

Answers:
11. a
12. b
13. c
14. c
15. c

By 1965, the year immigration was liberalized, the US had finally developed a national cuisine and palate. Coca Cola, orange juice, hamburgers, fortune cookies, peanut butter, apple pie, fried chicken, hot dog, steak, pizza, french fries, spaghetti…these are some regional foods that went national (a few, like Coca Cola, went international).  Why not mutton, smoked salmon, collard greens, pig trotters, fried gizzards, baklava, gyros, Philly Cheesesteaks, and knishes?

Some food became less had because eating them was a sign of low status.  Offals (organs) and possum, for instance.  Perhaps fried chicken made the cut because it was special occasion food for the poor, and fried gizzards didn’t because that’s what the poor ate everyday.  Those who grew up poor traded liver, horse meat, and beef intestines for ground beef when they finally could.

Some food became more popular because they represented modernity and science. The middle-class household in 1970 drank space-age Tang to be modern, used margarine instead of butter to be health conscious, and ate canned soup to be family-on-the-move efficient. Now Tang is one step above kool-aid, margarine is for out-of-touch geriatrics relying on out-of-date info, and canned soup is for the lazy.

Other food and preparation methods became rare because of warnings from government agencies.  “You shouldn’t consume raw seafood or meat of any kind,” warns the FDA. So most stopped doing so, even as steak tartare was served throughout Europe, as it had for centuries, and sashimi throughout Japan, as it had for centuries.  You’re supposed to drink cow milk and eat cereal and bread and cheese…everyday “we’re told by USDA food pyramid. So we did, even though 70 percent of the people in the world are lactose intolerant.  “Cook poultry at 350 degrees,” taught the home economics teacher.  We did and learned to make overcooked and dry meat palatable by adding to it extra extra gravy.  “White meat is healthier than dark meat,” announced the nutritionist.  So we became one of the few nations in the world to prefer white over dark, even though dark is more flavorful and moister.  (And then we make white meat better tasting by frying it or drenching it in gravy, making it even more calorie dense than its dark counterpart). Americans were being taught to distrust their immigrant heritage, to become more modern (American) and less ethnic (backward). American cuisine was narrowing palates and limiting the range of cooking methods. American cuisine was becoming a disaster.

Thesis: government meddling and the loss of immigrant heritage fucked up American cuisine.

Postmodern American Cuisine

If Modernity is about living as one imagines one would in the future, Postmodernity is about living as one imagines someone had in the past.

—————————————————————————–

The Japanese, not Julia Child, saved American cuisine.

It’s the 1980s and the Japanese are on a roll. Americans are starting to think the Japanese are going to take over the world.  They show up in Manhattan to buy all sorts of vanity properties, their cars run better than American ones, and they make Americans feel lazy, and stupid. One could smell the power shift when business between Japanese and Americans was conducted not at Peter Lugar steakhouse, but in a basement level izakaya.

The growing popularity of Japanese cuisine in the US during the 80s and 90s gave Americans an opportunity to reconsider everything they’d been taught about proper cooking and proper meals.  Sure sure, there were American servicemen who loved Japanese cuisine before the preppy douchebags got to try it, but these were working class types everyone ignored, not the preppies middle-class kids emulated during the materialistic Eighties. The preppies made Japanese food cool and eating it became a sign of sophistication and high social status.

Soon Americans are watching Iron Chef Japan. Eating raw fish. Now they’re trying eel and loving it. A few even develop a taste for natto and live sea urchin.  Everything Americans were told not to do they were doing when they were eating Japanese food. For some, it was exhilarating.  Trying “weird” food became a legitimate hobby, and a new brand of foodie emerged.

By the start of the 21st century, Japanese cuisine had gone mainstream and Japanese cooking shows like Iron Chef inspired American versions of them, transforming chefs into rock stars, Ivy League graduates into line cooks working to become chefs, and cooking into a hobby instead of a chore. Sushi was no longer for Wall Street pricks and Californian champagne socialists, you were not middle-class if you didn’t eat and like sushi (even though sushi is a small portion of Japanese cuisine, and not had very often in Japan). Soon we had Japanese food for the masses: conveyer belt sushi, all you can eat sushi, even Chinese people serving (disgusting) sushi.  And as Japanese food ceased to be the new in thing, White Americans, now accustomed to trying “weird shit,” became interested in rediscovering their European roots because being White wasn’t cool anymore.  More restaurants started serving dishes that would’ve been unthinkable in the mainstream 70s, from raw oysters to bone marrow, duck hearts to steak tartare; using cooking methods, such as sous vide, that freaked out health inspectors. Underground dinner parties featured beef tongue and shrimp head. Eating such dishes became a sign of sophistication and American cuisine was becoming not just an archetype of postmodern nostalgia, but also vibrant and challenging. For the first time in a long time, American palates and culinary repertoire were expanding and a new generation of American chefs wanted to show the world that there’s more to American cuisine than McDonald’s.

Why We Eat What We Eat

Some think that the standard middle-class American cuisine is based primarily on proper nutrition (as determined by government agencies) and ethical behavior (as determined by soft science academics).  It is not.  If it were, we’d be eating crickets instead of beef for protein and we wouldn’t let ourselves get suckered by the latest health fad that confers an ingredient undeserved powers and fucks up another nation’s ecology.  Some of us would like to believe our cuisine is *proper* because it justifies our personal preferences (built on habit) and confirms our sense of self as belonging to a righteous nation. Those unhappy with status quo want to make American cuisine *proper* — nutritious and ethical (eg. localvore movement) — so we can feel like we belong to a righteous nation.

If American cuisine is, as argued earlier, built on political intrigue, social maneuvering, and economic brinksmanship, then there’s a good chance that its present is an expression of our competing political beliefs and anxiety about our socio-economic future.  Reading the food we eat as such makes it possible for us to see ourselves as tools when we drink orange juice every morning for its Vitamin C content, douchebags when we order kobe burgers for the prized fat that’s cooked off, cranks when we promote acai berries as ethical superfood, and human when we binge on McDonald’s fries.

Perhaps in the end — weary of reading all those conflicting articles about what’s healthiest and what’s more ethical and what’s better for the economy and environment — eating well has less to do with what we eat than how we explore what’s possible to eat. If only God can determine the righteousness of a nation and its citizens, the best we can do is build a spirited cuisine that challenges and expands, rather than accepts and limits, our palates and imagination.

Forgot about 11, was too busy to mention it.  Anyway, we made it to 12, Alive Juice Bar is the third oldest existing juice bar in the Puget Sound region, terrorizing customers since 2010!  The Soup Nazi Kitchen — terrorizing zombies since 2021 — is a bit over one year old.  Both have been in downtown Everett for a bit over a year, so this is a significant anniversary that marks a major move and build-out.

New logo design.  

We’re not completely settled.  In fact, we made a mess of the place today by moving in a bunch of stuff and it’s going to take us a week to sort out.  But we’re almost there — Soup Nazi Kitchen website should be up by end of the month.  And newly designed blade signs for Alive Juice Bar and The Soup Nazi Kitchen will be put up sometime this summer.  The patio is open and we finally have heat and AC, so sit some.  Free WiFi if you want to work, or browse our library full of books some people don’t want you to read.   There’ll also be a desktop computer workstation for customers to use.

Aliens for sale, $5 for small, $6 for large.  Available in grocery area. 

Always wanted a patio, now we have one!  An herb garden too!!!

Our toilet rooms are as creepy as ever.  

Elves Lives Matter mural.  

We’ve also settled on a workflow process so most everything is running smoothly now.

Cheers to all our new friends and enemies (enemies are important to have, you need a foil to create a good story and they’re better at motivating you than are most friends).  Actually, not much has changed, still mostly see old faces.  Eighty percent of the walk-in business are customers from Shoreline location.  Many moved to Everett area and some drive up to visit on the weekends.

     Old friends…

And new enemies…this crazy cunt’s son is some minor league antifa loser who had been vandalizing the store.    

What’s next?

Find labor, it’s been difficult.  International students are back, but there aren’t many at Everett Community College and many of them have on-campus jobs.  So we’ll wait until we find a few international students to hire.  Until then, we’ll keep limited hours during the week, but open most of the day during weekends.

Thanks for the support and we look forward to at least another 4 years in downtown Everett.  Remember to be rude, everyone, it’s more efficient.  xoxo

Masks on sale, $5

Our new logo! 

Let’s back up so we can get to the source of the problem.  How do you get someone to fall in love with you?  Pick:

a) Be really really nice to that person.
b) Hire a witch, cast a love spell.
c) Get that person to do things for you.

Option A doesn’t work, it gets you either ignored or used because nice is cheap, it’s ineffective, it’s too easy to pull off, there’s too much of it around.

Option B comes with a lot of side-effects and it can get weird when the spell hits the wrong target so better not.

Option C works, not because “relationship experts” say so, but because it’s the option that requires the most work.  Life isn’t supposed to be easy.

Why Kids Don’t Love Their Parents
People assume their kids love them because they think it’s a law of nature for kids to love their parents.  Not so, according to the Story of Oedipus, that motherfucker murdered his dad and then fucked his mom.  This story endures in public consciousness because it reminds us of the uncomfortable truths we’d prefer to not think about, or to only consider academically. Deep down, and in spite of incessant bromides about self-love as the solution, we know we’re no longer in the Garden of Eden and we’re unsure of what to do about it.

What makes the Story of Oedipus so unsettling and compelling is that while every character in the story knew what was supposed to go down, nobody knew what was happening.  That’s the most terrifying kind of horror. If it had just been a story about some kid throwing a shit fit for getting grounded and killing dad and raping mom in the process, we’d treat it as a sad and tragic spectacle and assume the kid became a sociopath because he was molested by his football coach and his mom was a drunk who called him a “stupid, useless, cunt” one too many times.

Instead, it’s a story about funked up shit happening to good people who try their best as parents.  Oedipus was born to good parents who had to make a difficult decision — abort their only child to save the kingdom and themselves. So they left him for dead in the middle of nowhere.  Oedipus, luckily (or unluckily), was found and saved by someone and then adopted by good parents — king and queen from another kingdom. And he tried to be a good son — when a prophet told him that he’d murder his dad and fuck his mom, he exiled himself, not realizing that he would soon unknowingly encounter his birth dad.

Only encounter with birth dad, they squabble and Oedipus beats the shit out of him, killing him. First prophesy fulfilled and nobody realizes it. Which invites us to ask unsettling questions about ourselves: would I love my parents/children if they weren’t my parents/children? Would I hate them and want to kill them, as Oedipus did? Would my kid love me if she didn’t need me to survive?

How many of us are Oedipus?  How many of us don’t want to kill dad and rape mom, but do so anyway, without realizing it?

How to Teach Kids to Love Their Parents

The Story of Oedipus reminds us that we live in a cruel and lonely world and nothing should be taken for granted. We can’t assume there’s an unbreakable and spiritual love-bond between a parent and a child.  And whatever bond there is is sociological and ephemeral, love requires a lot of work and perseverance.  Check out the confessions section of Scary Mommy if you don’t believe me.

If love is an action and not a feeling, then like most actions, it has to be taught and practiced, it doesn’t just happen. Teaching a kid to love a parent requires the same effort as making friends or getting someone to fall in love with you, it’s the same dynamic.  To make friends, you have to figure out a way to get that person to do something for you so they become emotionally invested in you. Benjamin Franklin, from his autobiography, on how to make friends:

He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.^[

Make the person do something for you. Make them invest in you.  Below is an example of how Franklin turned an enemy into a friend:

Having heard that he had in his library a certain very scarce and curious book, I wrote a note to him, expressing my desire of perusing that book, and requesting he would do me the favour of lending it to me for a few days. He sent it immediately, and I return’d it in about a week with another note, expressing strongly my sense of the favour. When we next met in the House, he spoke to me (which he had never done before), and with great civility; and he ever after manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we became great friends, and our friendship continued to his death.

Take something away from someone if you want to make an enemy.  Give something away for free too often if you want to be used and disrepected. Have someone give you something if you want a friend.  Same dynamic when seeking romantic love,  according to random “romantic relationship expert”:

In fact, when people see you doing stuff for them for free, unsolicited, or uncompensated, their thought is never, “Wow, what a great guy! I should repay him in spades!” but rather, “Oh, that’s nice – it’s nice having nice people around like this who give me stuff. Thanks, nice person!”

Yeah yeah, I know your friend paid you back with food and drink when you helped her move.  That’s why you’re friends. You wouldn’t be friends anymore if she hadn’t reciprocated, right? Because it’d be disrespectful to not reciprocate.  Yet there are parents who keep giving and giving and giving to their kids while getting little or nothing in return; or the nice guy who keeps paying for dates and buying gifts but can’t get a commitment or even a make out session from his crush. Parents will then blame technology and culture for producing entitled, disrespectful and narcissistic kids; the nice guy will blame women for preferring assholes.  Both of which are lame excuses that prevents them from blaming the source of the problem: themselves.

Nice people are liked, but not respected, we learn from history and classical literature and political philosophy.  “Now that’s fucked up,” some of you are thinking, “I won’t play that game.” Fine, but don’t play martyr when disrespected because it’s a lot easier to play Santa than to empower someone to become whom she wants to be.  Kobe Bryant, one of the most disliked AND respected NBA players of all-time on what he wished he had done with his money when he made his first millions early in his career:

You will come to understand that you were taking care of them because it made YOU feel good; it made YOU happy to see them smiling and without a care in the world…While you were feeling satisfied with yourself, you were slowly eating away at their own dreams and ambitions. You were adding material things to their lives, but subtracting the most precious gifts of all: independence and growth.

“While you were feeling satisfied with yourself,” because Kobe’s been there, he’s done that. He knows a handout is the quintessential narcissistic douche bag act that’s neither effective nor an act of love precisely because it’s the easy thing to do to gain short-term pleasure at the expense of another person’s dignity and long-term happiness.  Kobe on how he wished he had treated people when he earned his first millions:

When your [NBA] dream comes true…you need to figure out a way to invest in the future of your family and friends. “I said INVEST. I did not say GIVE.

Invest means not giving girlfriend the weekend getaway she wants until she passes a section of the CPA exam she’s been studying for; no blowjobs until husband sets personal sales record for the month; no squeeky toy for dog until she learns a new obstacle course; no catnip until the cat catches that mouse.  This is how people and animals learn to perform at high levels. And that’s why it’s so hard to do so, why it’s easier to give than to invest: investing requires self-denial, patience, respect, and the ability to enter another’s spirit. Giving merely fulfills immediate needs, it’s like giving heroin to someone who is in pain, or candy to a kid so he stops crying.  Kobe on the effectiveness of investing rather than giving:

As time goes on, you will see them grow independently and have their own ambitions and their own lives, and your relationship with all of them will be much better as a result.

So how do we *teach* a kid to love his parents?  To begin with, teach the kid to become *emotionally invested* in the parents.  And it starts early, by drilling habits. Meaning, parents don’t tie a kid’s shoes, kid ties parents’s shoes and shines them.  Parents don’t spend money to entertain kid, kid entertains parents by memorizing and reciting parents’s favorite poems and performing their favorite songs. Parents don’t pay for kid’s pedicure and massage session just because, kid massages her parents feet every day after school to earn that right once a quarter. Parents don’t cook and clean for kid, kid cooks and clean for parent and if the food sucks, send it back, have kid redo it because that’s how it is in the real world.  Parents don’t take kid out to dinner to celebrate first job; kid takes parents out to dinner when he gets his first paycheck to thank them for the opportunity to have a job and for driving him to and from. Parents don’t pay for kid’s grand tour after college graduation, kid saves and saves and saves to send parents on all-expense paid vacation to thank them. Parents don’t buy their kids their first house,  kid buys parent a vacation home before buying their first. That’s how to teach a kid to not send parent to a decrepit rat-infested nursing home when parent turns geriatric.  That’s how to teach a kid that love is an act, not a narcissistic and impressionistic feeling.

“But they won’t do any of the above,” some parents are thinking. Then reject them, just as you should reject an abusive spouse or a friend who stabs you in the back.  Because when a kid takes and takes and takes and never gives only asks for more, that’s abuse, they’re learning how to be abusive and they’re going to be abusers as adults. Why put up with it? Why feed it?  Only people who suffer from Battered Spouse Syndrome put up with that kind of shit.

She knows, because she forgave him after she caught him fucking her sister.

She gives all her money to her daughter. Her daughter routinely calls her a “cunt” and tells her to “shut the fuck up” when asked to do the dishes.

How to Get Kid Who Doesn’t Want to Eat Veggies to Eat Them

Answer is the same as how to get a kid to love parents.  Back to the question asked in the beginning:

How do you get someone to fall in love with you?  (Or, how do you get your kid to love you)? Correct answer in bold:

a) Be really really nice to that person.
b) Hire a witch, cast a love spell.
c) Get that person to do things for you

Which is easier said than done.  It takes a lot of work to get a kid to be emotionally invested in parents’s well being by teaching and training her to take care of her parents the moment she can walk on her own. If she doesn’t get in the habit of doing things for her parents early in her life, she won’t do it when parents are late in their lives. Amy Chua (aka Tiger Cunt to some) knows that so she trains her daughters — even at ages 20 and 23 — to be her bitches.  Here’s a contract she wrote and had them sign when she sensed her daughters were going to take advantage of her generosity:

WHEREAS Amy Chua and Jed Rubenfeld are the owners of Apt. [XXX] at [XXX], and their children are not;

WHEREAS Children owe their parents everything, even in the West, where many have conflicted feelings about this;

NOW THEREFORE

In exchange for Amy and Jed allowing them to stay in their NYC apartment from June 1, 2016 to August 1, 2016, Sophia Chua-Rubenfeld and Louisa Chua-Rubenfeld agree to the following irrevocable duties and conditions:

1. To occupy only the junior bedroom.

2. To greet Jed Rubenfeld & Amy Chua with spontaneous joy and gratitude whenever they visit.

3. To make their (joint) bed every day, and not to fight about who does it.

4. To never, ever use the phrase, “Relax—it’s not a big deal.”

5. To always leave all internal doors in the apartment wide open whenever Jed, Amy or any company whatsoever (including relatives) are in the apartment, with an immaculately made bed in full view and no clothing or other junk on the floor of the bedroom in sight.

6. Whenever any guests visit, to come out of the bedroom immediately in a respectable state, greet the guests with enthusiasm, and sit and converse with the guests in the living room for at least 15 minutes.

7. To always be kind to our trusty Samoyeds Coco and Pushkin, who Sophia and Louisa hereby agree have greater rights to the apartment than Sophia and Louisa do, and to walk them to the dog park at least once a day when they visit, within 30 minutes of being asked to do so by Amy.

8. To fill the refrigerator with fresh OJ from Fairway for Jed on days when he is in town.

9. To keep the pillows in the living room in the right place and PLUMPED and to clean the glass table with Windex whenever it is used.

ADDITIONALLY, Sophia and Louisa agree that the above duties and conditions will not be excused even in the event of illness, hangovers, migraines, work crises or mental breakdowns (whether their own or their friends’).

Sophia and Louisa agree that if they violate any one of these conditions, Amy and Jed will have the right to get the Superintendent or a doorman to restrain them from entering the apartment; and to change the locks.

All of which are reasonable requests since they’re getting free rent in one of the most expensive real estate markets in the world. Tiger Cunt on above contract:

The fact is, we’re never off the hook as parents. Even when your kids are in their 20s, it’s still a constant balancing act. Are we asking too much of them or too little? Are we being strong and holding them to a high standard, or just being too critical? Are we teaching them by example how to live a happy, meaningful, giving life?

More importantly, she’s teaching them how to reciprocate and to not take advantage of other people’s kindness.  She’s teaching them how to be gracious. She’s teaching them how to love. She doesn’t hope for reciprocity and respect, she demands it.

From UK Guardian:

Food researchers at Ohio State University and Cornell University in New York found that children are five times more likely to eat salad when they have grown it themselves.

Children who are *emotionally invested* in the food in front of them are more likely to eat it. They don’t necessarily have to grow it — they can prep or serve it, for instance — they just have to be involved in the work of making a meal happen to become emotionally invested.

Her smile isn’t fake, she wasn’t forced to smile.  She grows and eats her veggies.

Third graders in Japan serving food to classmates. Even though they’re not smiling, they’re still happy.  Or maybe they’re not happy about having to drink milk because they’re lactose intolerant, as are most Asians.  Either way, they’re going to eat their veggies.  Unless the Washington Post reporter is lying.  If he is, he’s a dickhead.

Guadalajara (pop 1.5 million), the second largest city in Mexico, looks and feels like a bigger version of East LA.  It’s dirty, tacky, doesn’t feel safe, and doesn’t have many street food options and vendors in general.  Pics:

Building next to University of Guadalajara and prominent cathedral.

Looks like East LA with a cathedral.

In Colonia Americana, one of the nicest neighborhoods.

Across street from tacky posh apartment complex in Colonia Americana.

I don’t recommend visiting it.  It’s ghetto but not ghetto enough — think Detroit (worth visiting for its spectacular ruins) — to be worth visiting.  Guadalajara is just a boring mess of a city –cars parked inside its main cathedral, crappy graffiti, faded, gaudy architecture intermixed with dingy architecture, and tedious neighborhoods.  Ramen — popular and ubiquitous — there was good though, better than what I’ve had in Seattle, except at Muto Izakaya in Lynnwood, my favorite.

Taiwanese beef noodle soup. This Japanese ramen shop includes dishes from Taiwan, Sichuan, and Wuhan. Ramen was invented in China, Japanese improved and marketed it.

Wuhan dry noodles.

Yummy pork gyozas made in house.

Taiwanese pork bao. Disappointing because it lacked two key ingredients that Mexico has in abundance — cilantro and nuts (peanuts in Taiwan). Wanted to see version with pistachios because there are many pistachio farms nearby.

This ramen place played J-pop from the 1980s, that was cool.

 Guanajuato

Guanajuato is amazing, it’s the first city I’ve fallen in love with.  I’m moving there in five years, part-time to start.

Flew into Guadalajara, rented a car and drove to Guanajuato, with stops at Lagos de Moreno (charming city of 160,000 founded in 16th century) and San Juan de los Lagos (nothing special, it just has the second most visited pilgrimage site, an image of the Virgin Mary — known for its miracles — in a basilica).  It’s a three hour drive without stops, we took eight hours with stops.

Guanajuato municipality, located in the center of Mexico, has a population of 200,000, and Guanajuato city proper has a population of 70,000.  It’s more vibrant than NYC, more romantic than Paris, is safer and cleaner than both, and is known as the most beautiful city in Mexico.  It was once a prominent and wealthy mining town, which is why it has an unusually high number of iconic architecture for a city of its size.  Check these out:

Juarez Theater, completed in 1903, is located in main plaza.

One of 23 churches. This cathedral was built in 1671.

Main plaza, Jardin de Union. Well manicured and trash free.

Typical colorful residential street.

View from high elevation (from hotel room).

Check out view from outdoor elevator at hotel.

Check out this roving party, “callejoneadas.” Didn’t see these in Mexico City.

Despite my comparisons of Guanajuato to NYC and Paris, it has a small town feel.  The roosters start at the crack of dawn, followed by the gradually growing chorus of barking dogs.  At 7:30am, the main cathedral bells ring, time to wake up.  Stepping out of the hotel at 8am, I saw a few heading to work with donkeys in tow and parents taking their kids to school.  Yet there’s enough population density so that like Mexico City (and unlike the sprawl that’s Guadalajara), street food is everywhere from 8am to midnight.

The quality of restaurants is high, from cheap eats to fine dining.  In addition to Mexican, I had French, Italian, Cuban, and I saw Argentinian and American cuisines.  Photos!

Grilled tuna at French restaurant.

French restaurant, beet salad and potato-leek croquettes.

Sangria and pina colada.

Carpaccio at an Italian restaurant.

A tomato soup-ish with feta cheese, olives, pita, and something I don’t recall breakfast at restaurant in my hotel.

Ceviche at Mexican restaurant.

Typical fine dining would run $60 for two, 1/3 of what it’d cost in Seattle.  Street food, 50 cents for a taco, $1 for a 16 oz cup of fruit (locals pay less than that).  No difference in quality and I prefer the experience in Guanajuato because there are doggies in restaurants there!

Doggies are allowed in restaurants (as is case in most parts of the world). Why not in the US?

Guanajuato also has lots of museums and art galleries for a city of its size, including one that houses Mexico’s Declaration of Independence; Diego Rivera’s house that’s been turned into a museum; one dedicated to Don Quixote; a mummy museum that has the smallest mummy in the world.

Six month old fetus is the smallest mummy in the world.

I went early March, and the weather was 45 degrees low, 80 degrees high, low humidity.  Which is how it is for 9 months out of the year.  There’s a three month monsoon season from May-July, when temperatures are 50 degrees low, 85 degrees high.

Guanajuato is magical.  Small-town feel, big city amenities, , not overrun with tourists, and great shopping.  There are lots of jewelry and leather artisans if you want something customized.  Local designers for clothing.  I didn’t see any trinket stores.  And the tourists and expats there come from around the world — I heard Japanese, Chinese, French, and Italian — instead of mostly the US and Canada (like San Miguel, an American suburb in the middle of Mexico), giving Guanajuato a cosmopolitan feel.

Let me know if you want to visit, I’ll tell you where I stayed, a place I highly recommend and is the best hotel I’ve ever stayed in, Casa Del Rey.  It has an outdoor pool heated to 90 degrees, awesome views, ideal location (not too loud, close to everything), an outdoor elevator, posh rooms, and everything works.  Be careful because most of the hotels in Guanajuato, from reviews I’ve read, look cool because they’re in old buildings (one is a castle) but don’t work well.  Like faulty plumbing, rooms with no windows.

Oh, forgot to mention, there are tunnels everywhere!  Check these out:

Traffic and pedestrian traffic go through them. Makes the city feel like an amusement park.

Tunnels were originally built to reduce flooding.  Creepy and fun!

Street art is everywhere too, even in residential neighborhoods.

Mural dedicated to city’s mining past. Outside doctor’s office in residential neighborhood.

In summary, Guanajuato is safe, clean, and manicured.  It has shopping that’s rarely found in the US, delicious and affordable cuisine, lively, fun, and family friendly nightlife, spectacular city-scape, and a plethora of arts. including international festivals that attracts artists from around the world.  I highly recommend it, check it out!