Misadventures of Dipshit Doug Episodes 1 and 2

Halfway done with upcoming book: White, Whiny, and Woke: the new face of the KKK.  Also been working on a companion piece to the book, a comic strip named Misadventures of Dipshit Doug.  It’s a story about the misadventures of a Woke dipshit who smells like Satan’s ass and has as micro-penis.  You’ll like it if you like Velma (2022), they’re similarly mean and crass.  On Rumble, here are episodes 1 and 2.  Enjoy!



Episode 2:



Excerpt from upcoming book: White, Whiny, and Woke: the new face of the KKK

Chapter 2
Prudes, White Knights, and Freaks

Most of them aren’t Ivy League type students and social science/humanities professors, as I once thought and some conservative pundits contend, they’re predominantly White and lower middle-class.  Nearly all the hate mail I’ve received since I opened my first restaurant in 2010, and especially after opening the controversially named The Soup Nazi Kitchen in 2021, are from the White lower middle class.  Here are a few typical profiles of the haters, gathered from public records and their social media, such as Facebook and LinkedIn:

Race: White
Sex: Male
Employment: Field technician for Comcast Cable for 16 years
Education: A few courses – English Literature and Environmental Science, at a community college
Hobbies: Member of a music band that performs locally; art; martial arts. 

Race: White
Sex: Male
Employment: Short stints as barista, assembly technician, server, business outreach at a community college, and assistant property manager.
Education: High school
Hobbies: Member of a music band that performs locally. 

Race: White
Sex: Female
Employment: Photographer and life coach (I suspect she has other jobs to pay the bills)
Education: High school
Hobbies: Photography and therapy

Race: White
Sex: Female
Employment: Photographer (I suspect she has other jobs to pay the bills)
Education: Community college
Hobbies: Playing music

Race: White (He I interviewed face-to-face and over messaging)
Sex: Male
Employment: Random low skilled jobs, lives with parents as a 30 something.
Education: High school
Hobbies: Cosplay, Star Wars especially. 

Race: White
Sex: Female
Employment: Random low skilled jobs
Education: Low ranked state college.
Hobbies: ?

Race: White
Sex: Female
Employment: Scheduler and receptionist
Education: Community college
Hobbies: Rock climbing

I don’t think that most of the White lower-middle class are Woke — White, non-college-educated voters…favored the GOP by about 25 points in a 2019 Gallup survey,” according to the Washington Post[1] — but I suspect that most of the Woke are White and lower-middle class, the same demographic that made up most of the 1920s version of the KKK.  And this demographic is large and influential enough, as the KKK was in the 1920s, to influence national American politics and culture.  That’s why Woke priestess, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC), the college educated bartender (the worst and most pissed off kind of lower middle-class because she graduated from a decent college with a degree in economics and expected a more prestigious job after graduation), can come out of nowhere to win a seat in the House of Representatives.  And as a graduate of Boston University, she’s the ideal intermediary between the lower-middles and the Woke Elite we’ll discuss in the next chapter.  She may have graduated from a decent college the lower middles yearn to attend, but she’s still one of us, a bartender, the thinking goes among the White, Whiny, and Woke.

The White, Whiny, and Woke aren’t a culturally monolithic group, as the Mormons and Amish are.  A few indulge in and advertise their self-identified freakiness, as Satanists with multiple facial piercings and pink hair, for instance.  A surprising many are church lady prudish – no blue hair and facial piercings for them and they squirm at the sight and sound of anything raunchy.  Most are somewhere in between freaky and prudish, there are especially lots of bearded and tattooed Bernie Bros who are in a band.  The photographers and so-called life coaches excepted, most work enough to live better than 95% of the world, some even take vacations outside of North America.  Their lives are more comfortable than they, and probably you, think.  Yet they’re pissed and scared.

Who could blame them?  They were lied to.  They were trained to follow the rules and not get in trouble, to say “please” and “thank you” and smile all the time to get ahead.  They were told to get a college degree and they’d move up and own a home, maybe even a vacation house.  They did some or all of that but didn’t get what they expected.  Their polite and rule following behavior primed them for careers as cashiers and baristas, not as executives.  Their bullshit degrees from bullshit colleges couldn’t be converted into higher paying jobs and put them in a decade worth of debt and just outside of middle-class life.  But it’s not the quality of life that matters, it’s the unmet expectations for life that determine one’s worldview and sense of self.

Types of White, Whiny, and Woke

While all Woke are neo-Marxists, Woke isn’t synonymous with Marxism.  Democratic Socialist Bernie Sanders isn’t Woke, even if he has White Knight tendencies.  He doesn’t have a victim complex, Bernie’s driven by a concern about corporate excesses.  I know of Marxists who are embarrassed by the Woke movement, they can’t stand all those temper tantrums.  Others are critical of Woke ideology, like Marxist literary critic Terry Eagleton, who rejects intersectionality as a distraction from class centered politics.  Communist and political science professor Normal Finkelstein calls Woke a “scam,” a “protective cover…because they get to say ‘look how radical we are, look how cutting edge we are’” without sacrificing anything.[2]  Sure, there’s Woke Capitalism, but that’s a corporate strategy to profit from a socio-cultural fad, as 2024 GOP candidate Vivek Ramaswamy points out in Woke Inc.: Inside Corporate America’s Social Justice Scam (2021).  It’ll pass away when it’s no longer profitable to *appear* Woke.  That’s why Budweiser and Miller pulled their Woke ads.

That said, there are three main types of Woke activists: the Prudes, the White Knights, and the Freaks.  They come from all generations; I’ve been surprised by how many of them are Baby Boomers.  It’s as if 60s activists are reliving their youth as their retirement hobby.  In any case, what they have in common is that they all 1) romanticize the past; 2) denigrate competition and the hierarchies it creates; 3) blame hardship for social and psychological ills.  These commonalities will be discussed after exploring the mindset of lifestyles of each Woke type.

The Prudes

The Prudes — also known as the language police, the dogmatists, the tattletales, the messianic mob — are the stiff backbone of the Woke movement.  They’re the advocates and guardians of Woke ideology and decorum:

you can’t say nigger,
you can’t call him a chink,
remember those pronouns,
or they’ll make a big stink.

Psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung said in a 1912 interview published in the New York Times that “Prudery is always the cover for brutality.” Take for instance Victorian morality, was it a cover for the brutalities of 19th century British imperialism? Here are a few instances from the heydays of British expansionism:

  • 1789 To annihilate Australian aboriginals, British military brought bottles of smallpox to infect them. Ninety percent of aboriginal population died within 15 months.[3]
  • 1806 Abandonment of Spanish POWs on a barren island on the Rio de la Plata river during Napoleonic Wars to starve to death.
  • 1842 To reverse its trade imbalance, Britain forces China to legalize and buy its opium, leading to an opioid epidemic that nearly destroys China.
  • 1845-1849 British policies lead to Great Potato Famine in Ireland, resulting in one million dead and another million emigrating to escape starvation because throughout the famine, the British continued to export out of Ireland agricultural products, such as wheat and beef, the English wanted.
  • 1857 The aftermath of the Indian Rebellion (1857–58), when convicted mutineers were tied in front of cannons and blasted, or sewn into pig or cow skins after death (for Muslims and Hindus respectively).
  • 1899-1902 The roundup of Boer civilians (mostly women and children) into the world’s first modern “concentration camps” during the Second Boer War

Was the cover of messianic moral superiority used to justify the brutality and racism of British colonialism?

Victorian decorum also meant rampant censorship, with all literature—including classics like William Shakespeare’s works—cleansed of content considered to be inappropriate for children and women. In King Lear, for instance, the Fool’s song about the crotch area was eliminated, as was Goneril’s lament about the knights’ brothel activities. Same with folk stories and songs.  The mid-19th century folk song, The Sea Crabb, was originally about a mischievous man who places a crab into a chamber pot to prank his wife.  His wife uses the pot and is attacked by the crab.  Victorian prudery sanitized this story so that the crab grabs the wife by the face instead of by her ass, as written in the original.

Children, children, bring the looking glass
Come and see the crayfish that bit your mother’s arse

The censored version replaced “arse” with “a-face.”  Another example of Victorian prudery are books that covered genitals of nudes in classical and Renaissance statues and paintings with fig leaves.

Same shit happening today, this time instigated by sanctimonious Woke Prudes who mistake refinement with prudery.  Recent versions of Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn no longer contain the word “nigger,” which Twain perhaps used in natural speech to highlight what he saw as racism and prejudice endemic to the Antebellum South.  The cover of my book, How to Suck Your Own Dick: an Alive Juice Bar Guide to Men’s Health, was taken down on Instagram and Facebook by Woke trolls led by pathetic Dipshit Doug Evans Dickhead who has a micro-penis and smells like Satan’s Ass.  Even Microsoft Word’s grammar correction now alerts users to “offensive” words such as “shit,” and “fuck” and “pissed.”

The 1920s version of the KKK were prudes too, they were the ones behind the prohibition of alcohol and banning Catholic schools for corrupting the youth.  Keep in mind that the 1920s KKK was different from the Reconstruction Era KKK.  From The Bill of Rights Institute, on the 1920s KKK:

During the 1920s, cultural conflict and modernization helped resuscitate the Ku Klux Klan (KKK). Whereas the original KKK was a violent, racist organization born in the post-Civil War South, the modern Klan was driven by somewhat different concerns. Many white, lower middle-class, Protestant Americans in the North and Midwest were fearful that immigrants were changing traditional American culture, and they responded with anti-Catholicism and anti-Semitism.

Let’s focus on the “cultural conflict and modernization” that revived the KKK.  The societal and technological tumult of the 1920s parallels what’s going on in the 2020s.  The 1920s was when automobiles were becoming widespread, displacing horses as the primary mode of transportation; the modern kitchen – refrigeration and the gas stove – appeared in middle-class homes, changing how some people cooked and ate; commercial air travel became available to the wealthy; jobs were moved to the cities and professions were being displaced by the assembly line mass production.  More than 15 million immigrants arrived between 1900 and 1915, which was equal to the number who had arrived in the previous 40 years combined.  Many of these immigrants weren’t White Protestants, they were Jews, Catholics, and Slavs, regarded by some as unassimilable into mainstream America.  By 1920, 13.2% of those living in the US were foreign born.  There was also a shift in wealth distribution.  Between 1919 and 1929, the share of income received by the wealthiest one percent of Americans rose from 12 percent to 19 percent, while the share received by the richest five percent jumped from 24 percent to 34 percent.  Sure, the real earnings of wage earners rose by 22 percent during this time,[4] but the perception of falling behind and the widening wealth gap is what matters most – people like to compare themselves to others.  Feeling poor has less to do with actual conditions than unfavorable comparisons to others.  I imagine these were scary times for those struggling to keep up with the Jones’s and the rapid pace of technological and cultural changes.

Something similar is happening in the 2020s.  In 2021, 13.6% of those living in the US are foreign born – most not White — about the same percentage as in 1920.  People are concerned about the jobs and professions artificial intelligence will eliminate.  Space travel is now available to the super rich, highlighting their unique access to advanced technology.  More and more of those in the top 10% of wealth live in smart homes and drive driverless cars, increasing their productivity.  Income disparities have increased so that data for 2022 shows that the wealthiest 1% of Americans own 32% of American wealth.  From December of 2020 to December of 2021, nominal wages and salaries were up 4.5 percent, the fastest increase since 1983.  But prices of goods and services have risen even more so that inflation adjusted real wages were 1.2 percent lower in December 2021 than they were in December 2019.[5]  No wonder many Americans – the lower middle-class especially after their experiences with the Great Recession of 2008-2010 — are concerned about the ongoing and predicted lifestyle and market changes.

The 1920s KKK responded to the tumult of their time by becoming crusading Prudes, pairing their gripes about increasing economic equality with sermons about national moral decay – “cultural conflict” mentioned earlier — stemming from non-Protestant immigrants.  “I don’t like these foreigners because they work harder than us” isn’t an attractive way to gripe about your competition.  It sounds more pleasing and is more effective to label them as infidels with bad manners and worse habits.  “Wait wait,” some are thinking, “aren’t the alt-right like Proud Boys and Breitbart News the anti-immigrant build that wall the racists?  Sure about that?  The leader of the Proud Boys, Enrique Tarrio, is Afro-Cuban, born to two Cuban refugees.  From Breitbart’s primary writing staff of 13, I count – as of May 26, 2023 — two Blacks, two Hispanics, one Asian, and the late Breitbart himself was a real Jew unlike those fake Jews with Anglo names like Dipshit Doug Evans who pretend to be so for victim points.  The so called “alt-right” showed support of Andrew Yang’s 2020 candidacy for president because he was the best at articulating their concerns, they couldn’t care less about his race.  Meanwhile, it’s nearly all White, Whiny, and Woke kids who keep showing up to protest talks by Black speakers such as Amala Ekpunobi and Candace Owens, whom they wantonly label as “fascists.”  Calling a Black conservative an “Uncle Tom” or a “house nigger” is so passé in Woke circles.

My analysis of the White, Whiny, and Woke is, ironically, Marxist.  That is, racial and ethnic tensions are primarily due to economic competition and tensions rather than “cultural conflict.”  Moral grandstanding is just a cover for either people’s greed (colonialism) or their anxiety (Whiny Woke) about their economic well-being.  Not saying that culture clashes don’t exist, people tend to not like rapid change, whether it’s caused by an incoming ethnic group or a bunch of yuppies.  How would you like it if your favorite dive bar of 30 years is replaced by something shiny and out of your price range?  How does grandma feel about her favorite grocery store that sells Lunchables and quiche being replaced with one that sells fish heads and durian instead?

People usually don’t kill when their favorite take-out is replaced by something they’re unfamiliar with, they just move.  They might become zealots of some sort if it’s replaced with something they want but don’t feel they can ever have – envy is a powerful motivator.  People will, however, kill when they’re anxious about their sense of self and economic future.  Take lynchings (of all races, including of Whites) in pre-World War II US, the rate of them is strongly associated with economic strains.[6] Throughout the South, low cotton prices, inflation, and increased competition for jobs and land are associated with higher frequencies of lynching.[7] In fact, lynchings were seasonal, peaking in the early Winter when it was time for landowners to settle accounts with sharecroppers.[8] During the California Gold Rush, White resentment towards more successful Mexican miners resulted in the lynching of at least 160 Mexicans between 1848 and 1860.[9][10] In 1892, Black journalist Ida B. Wells-Barnett was shocked when three of her Black friends were lynched in Memphis, Tennessee. She learned it was because their grocery store had competed successfully against a White-owned one.

So while the rhetoric surrounding lynchings suggested that they usually were carried out in order to protect American civic order and the virtue and safety of White women, the actions often arose out of apprehensions about one’s economic well-being and the rapid rate of social change.  Moral grandstanding is generally a cover for economically driven feelings of envy, insecurity, and anxiety.  Dig deeper into the mind of the Prude and you’ll find avarice and hypocrisy, bitterness and cruelty.

The skyrocketing rise of the 1920s version of the KKK – it peaked at 4 million members in 1925, about 15 percent of the eligible population — didn’t last precisely because its leaders were revealed to be venal and greedy.  The organization claimed to stand for morality, but its leaders provided the worst possible examples. For example, Klansmen sometimes seized alcohol only to drink it themselves.  The two publicists who masterminded the Klan’s skyrocketing rise, Edward Y. Clarke and Mary Elizabeth Tyler, were revealed to have been arrested in 1919 for sexual impropriety and possession of illegal alcohol.  At a time when per capita income in the U.S. was under $700, the Indiana Klan leader, former Socialist David Stephenson, pulled in about $200,000 annually, the equivalent of more than $3 million in 2022.  He made that much because the KKK was a money-making machine monetizing popular sentiments of the time, a pyramid scheme that made money from selling shit like robes and trinkets to its members, according to Freakonomics author Steven Levitt.[11]  There’s more, in April 1925, Stephenson assaulted and raped his secretary. She died a few weeks later from wounds Stephenson had inflicted on her. A jury found Stephenson guilty of rape, kidnapping, and second-degree murder.  The Klan imploded after that scandal and its membership declined to 30,000 by 1930.  Indeed, “prudery is always a cover for brutality.”

Look to the past to understand the present, history always repeats itself no matter how much it’s studied.  The Woke prudes are no different from the prudes of the Victorian era or the KKK version 2.0.  They’re all following a political and cultural movement that sounds righteous but is actually deplorable.  From NPR, regarding Black Lives Matter (BLMGNF) leadership:

A group of Black Lives Matters leaders are facing questions about the purchase of a $6 million home in Southern California. It was bought with donations made to the Black Lives Matter Global Network Foundation, also known as BLMGNF. This transaction is raising questions about how the social justice organization is using donations.[12]

No wonder BLMGNF saw contributions tank in the 2021 fiscal year, from $76,872,002 in the previous year to $9,268,283.  In May of 2023, several news outlets reported that BLMGNF is about to go bankrupt due to graft, mismanagement, and other improprieties.  From the New York Post, May 27, 2023, in an article titled “Only 33% of BLM’s $90M in donations helped charitable foundations”:

The group filed a complaint against BLMGNF with the IRS last year for allegedly violating IRS rules prohibiting the use of nonprofit assets for private benefit, self-dealing, conflicts of interest and unlawful political fundraising…

BLM leaders using the movement as their own personal piggy bank may be one reason it has been losing grassroots support across all demographics, including Black Americans.  According to a poll conducted by YouGov, Black approval of BLM’s tactics and strategies dropped from 65 percent in April of 2021 to 49 percent in May of 2022.  Unfortunately, similar polls haven’t been conducted in 2023, but my guess is that the decline has continued in a more pronounced manner.  Yet the White, Whiny, and Woke remain true believers as I write this in the summer of 2023.

Robert Greene, New York Times bestselling author of Art of Seduction, profiles the psychology of  prudes, “The New Prude” to be exact.  His definition of a prude:

…someone who is excessively concerned with appearances, with what society considers appropriate and acceptable behavior.  Prudes rigorously stay within the boundaries of correctness because more than anything they fear society’s judgment.[13]

Which is fine as long as they keep their primness to themselves.  But that’s not possible for those who are prude and Woke, they’re the left-wing version of the sanctimonious church ladies of the 1980s, Jim Goad notes in his 2017 book The New Church Ladies: the Extremely Uptight World of Social Justice.  They’re not just concerned about their appearances, they want to make sure everyone else stays within the boundaries of their version of correctness.  “It’s for their own good and the good of society,” they tell themselves and others.  In truth, their stuffiness has nothing to do with benevolence, they simply like to get off on controlling others after a day at work as everyone’s bitch, just as those in power prefer to be treated like bitches by a dominatrix after their workday is over.  And deep down, they’re attracted to some raunchy shit. For instance, prude Woke feminist women love getting their ass slapped red while called a fuck toy.[14]  Greene, on what turns on prudes:

What marks the New Prude, though, as well as the old one, is that deep down they are actually excited and intrigued by guilty, transgressive pleasures. Frightened by this attraction, they run in the opposite direction and become the most correct of all.

Until they get drunk, then they show how freaky they really are.  Otherwise, they’re superstitious and have half-witted notions of what’s good and bad.  “Better safe than sorry,” is their motto.  They’re the ones who are convinced that every kid under age 13 shouldn’t be home alone because they read about a 10-year kid drowning in a bathtub.  Or that all dogs need to be leashed on hikes because one once fell off a ledge and had to be rescued.  They’re the ones who suck the fun out of life for everyone else.  The unintended consequence of their moralizing includes anxiety disorders and turning people into weak willed ninnies and tattletales, zombies really.  Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt calls this obsession with coddling everyone Safetyism, and its consequences have been disastrous.

In their book The Coddling of the American Mind, Haidt, along with Greg Lukianoff, the president of the Foundation for Individual Rights in Education (FIRE), propose that Safetism is based on “Three Great Untruths.” These untruths are:

  1. The Untruth of Fragility: A bad experience that doesn’t kill you makes you weaker. This untruth suggests that individuals are fragile and need protection from potentially challenging and uncomfortable ideas, experiences, and speech to thrive personally and socially.
  2. The Untruth of Emotional Reasoning: Feelings matter more than facts, which hardly exist anyway according to post-modern Woke ideology. This untruth asserts that an individual’s emotions (not to be confused with instinct and intuition) are always reliable indicators of truth and should be given priority over logic and critical thinking. It implies that if something feels emotionally distressing or offensive, it must be inherently wrong or harmful, regardless of the actual facts or evidence.
  3. The Untruth of Us Versus Them: Life is a battle between good people and evil people. This untruth promotes a dichotomous worldview where individuals are divided into rigid categories of good and evil, with no room for nuance or complexity. It fosters a hostile and adversarial mindset, leading to polarization, intolerance, and a lack of empathy towards those who hold different opinions or belong to different groups.

Haidt and Lukianoff argue that these untruths are detrimental to individual well-being, intellectual growth, and the healthy functioning of society. They propose that embracing these untruths leads to a culture of Safetyism, where people prioritize emotional comfort over intellectual and physical challenges and open dialogue.

The authors define Safetyism as a culture or belief system in which safety (which includes “emotional safety”) has become a sacred value, which means that people become unwilling to make trade-offs demanded by other practical and moral concerns.  Like, does not allowing six-year-olds to walk to school on their own to protect them from abduction and dog attacks turn them into anxiety-ridden, pill-popping cowards who can’t face any difficulties for the rest of their lives?  Has the culture of Safetyism stunted young people’s social, emotional, and intellectual development?  Has it turned them into drug addicted and mentally ill Whiny Prudes?

The White Knights

Also known as Saviors, White Knights defend and rescue Prudes, the damsels (male and female) in distress.[15]  Every time a Prude cries, they’re there to wipe the tears away and to challenge the offender to a shrill discursive duel – “you’re sexist, you’re an asshole!” and so forth and so on.

What’s wrong with being a White Knight?  Shouldn’t we comfort those in distress and stand up for the oppressed?  Sounds good in principle, but have you or do you know of someone – the damsel — who has pretended to be sick to get out of doing something difficult or they don’t feel like doing?  I know and have, I wasted a good part of my freshman year in high school pretending to be sick because I wanted to get out of difficult activities that eventually – enough teachers called my bullshit — made me more resilient.  How many women, and increasingly men, have you seen play the damsel in distress for the sole purpose of eliciting enough sympathy to avoid culpability or to spite someone?  Do you think Amber Heard’s tears were sincere or an act to garner support?[16]  That said, is there something sinister about the White Knight, one of the most common stock literary figures in the Western canon?

For insight into the methods and mind of the White Knight Savior, let’s tap Miguel de Cervantes and his classic novel, Don Quixote.  It’s a story about a loser named Alonso Quixano — a hidalgo (nobleman with little or no land) — who, after becoming addicted to reading cheap chivalric romances, becomes fashions himself as a white night-errant named Don Quixote, determined to right wrongs and bring justice to the world.   embarks on a series of fantastical adventures.  In other words, he has read so many junk novels that he has lost his mind and embarks on a series of deplorable adventures that make him look like a pitiful fucktard.

For instance, he battles windmills that he believes to be evil giants and confronts shepherds he imagines as black knights.  He thinks the inn he stays at is a castle that will serve him – for free – a feast fit for a white knight.  Hilarity ensues in every one of his demented encounters.

Which sounds like the lives of the White, Whiny, and Woke: imagining just about everything and everyone as “racist,” or “sexist” or “transphobic,” and so on and so forth.  This and that person is a Nazi just because.  The chair you sit in is “fatphobic.”  That AI voice recognition system is “racist” because it doesn’t understand black slang or Asian accents.  This school is sexist for its “rigid gender segregation policies.”  Math, scientific naming conventions, Mr. Potato Head, the shape and size of your coffee cup, your kid’s stuffed animal, kale salads – all problematic, according to the White, Whiny, and Woke.  The White Knights believe it’s their job to battle these (imagined) gremlins of life – like airline seats too small for the obese — to save the world from injustice and suffering.

Back to Cervantes’s novel for insight into the mindset of Woke White Knights and how the public reacts to Don Quixote’s delusions.  Some play along with his fantasies, while others exploit his delusions for their own amusement.  Some of the ways Don Quixote is exploited:

  1. Mockery and ridicule.  Some characters, upon encountering Don Quixote and realizing his delusions, openly mock and ridicule him. They play along with his fanciful notions, addressing him as “Don Quixote” and pretending to be knights, damsels in distress, or other figures from chivalric romances. They derive entertainment from his confusion and absurd behavior.
  2. Practical jokes: Don Quixote’s enemies and detractors sometimes devise practical jokes to take advantage of his delusions. For example, they might stage fake battles or create elaborate deceptions to trick him into believing he’s embarking on a heroic quest. These pranks lead Don Quixote into bizarre and comical situations.
  3. Feigned admiration: Some characters, while not openly ridiculing Don Quixote, feign admiration for his supposed chivalry and noble intentions. They flatter him and praise his courage while inwardly finding his behavior amusing or pitiable. Their insincerity highlights the gap between his ideals and the reality of his life.
  4. Manipulation for personal gain: Occasionally, individuals exploit Don Quixote’s delusions to achieve their own objectives. They might persuade him to assist in their endeavors or serve their interests by appealing to his sense of honor and duty. In such cases, Don Quixote’s idealism is manipulated for the benefit of others.

Same shit happens today to Woke White Knights: they’re mocked and ridiculed on comedy sites such as Babylon Bee and on social media platforms such as Urban Dictionary; check out the Feminists for Trump prank on YouTube, it’s fucking hilarious for its display of “social justice” puerility; and then there are politicians and corporate leaders who feign admiration for Woke dipshits for votes and ESG (environmental, social, governance) driven sales, investment funds, and government subsidies.[17]

If there isn’t a damsel in distress around to give the White Knight a reason to be, then he’ll invent one, as Don Quixote often does.  For instance, Don Quixote encounters two monks and a carriage carrying a lady and her attendants. He thinks that the two monks are enchanters who have captured a princess, so he attacks them to save her.  This confrontation ends with Don Quixote getting the shit kicked out of him (by the lady’s attendants), which happens often throughout the novel.

Let’s put the novel aside and ask what happens to people when they’re treated as damsels in distresses?  Sure, some people prefer to be treated as such, but what about those who don’t?  White knights believe that they alone possess the ability to rescue others from difficult situations, disregarding the agency and autonomy of the individuals they are trying to help.  In other words, White Knights disempower others, and not everyone is okay with that.  By constantly swooping in to save the day, White Knights undermine the confidence and independence of those they aim to assist. Instead of empowering others to handle their own challenges, they perpetuate a dynamic where individuals become dependent on their intervention.  They become Woke Prudes, incapable to being responsible for their own feelings and circumstances.

White Knights also disregard consent by assuming they know what is best for someone else without seeking their consent or considering their preferences.  American romance novels written for women, for instance, usually contain mild rape scenes because that’s what readers fantasize about, to the offensive to Woke White Knights.  In any case, this overbearing attitude can result in disregarding boundaries and making decisions on behalf of others without their input or understanding of their unique circumstances.  Not everyone wants to be treated as children.

What drives Don Quixote to be a White Knight?  To begin with, he’s a hidalgo (poor noble), a loser and a lazy one at that.  More broadly, it’s the result of his delusional belief in the ideals and adventures of chivalric literature popular during the time Cervantes wrote the novel, and they were popular because people from all cultures and time are born as narcissists who believe that they themselves are good and deserve more from life while others are evil and should be vanquished.  Put simply, Cervantes uses the character of Don Quixote to satirize the literary and societal conventions of his time while exploring how the interplay of idealism and reality are tied to narcissism and mental illness.  Cervantes wrote this novel because he saw that too many people were turning into batshit crazy, self-indulgent assholes from reading popular stories of his time.  Similar vapid stories of good versus evil continue today, not just in novels, but in political discourses, especially those found on sites like Reddit, the quintessential beehive social media echo chamber.  The Woke White Knights of today are the same as Don Quixote: insipid and batshit crazy due to being easily influenced by sentimental stories of good versus evil because they’re narcissistic and intellectually lazy.

So what does the White Knight really want?  Are White Knights motivated by a genuine concern for justice and the issues at hand, or are they virtue signaling to bolster their self-worth vis-a-vis (imagined) increased social approval and attention?  The men, do they want some highbrow pussy at the end of the fairy tale, as Don Quixote expects from his infatuation with a rough woman who works at a slaughterhouse whom he imagines as a chaste and noble beauty he will eventually save and marry?

What if it’s only the damsel’s tears, not the whole story, is the only evidence that matters to the White Knight?  If that’s so, it would explain why they’re easily manipulated because they don’t pursue truth, they instead seek external validation anywhere and anyway they can find it to bolster their self-worth, especially if they’ve fucked up in their own personal lives.  That validation is most easily found among Woke Prudes who claim, as a diversion tactic, to be helpless and oppressed.  That’s why propagandists use sentimental stories sopping with dramatic music to manipulate White Knights into belief and action.  If the Prudes are the backbone of the Woke movement, White Knights are its clumsy hands and feet.

The Freaks

And the Freaks are the std ridden genitals of the Woke movement.  They’re the brashest and the most visibly noticeable of the Woke – they have the most piercings, tattoos, and colors on their heads.  They wear 70s punk fashion, something like that.  They showcase how morally transgressive they are.  For example, one such woman who labeled herself as a “satanist and antifa” on her Facebook page announced that she *always* has sex on the first date (which many other women do too but they don’t announce it publicly).  That said, tattoos, piercings and punk fashion don’t make someone Woke, just as not all Marxists are Woke.  In my experience, most men who have tattoos tend conservative, and I’ve met women who are the same.  The difference is that tattoos and such on conservatives is more about self-expression and sometimes sentimental and religious yearnings (for a lost dog, or faith in Jesus, for instances), rather than to showcase one’s breaking out of conventions, as I think it is for Woke Freaks.

In any case, Woke Freaks are the most harmless of the three groups mentioned in this chapter.  Their primary aim isn’t craven social acceptance from peers, as it is for the Prudes and White Knights, it’s social attention directed at what they perceive as their own transgressive uniqueness.  So they’re not as easily manipulated by Woke Elites, whom we’ll discuss later, and I suspect they’re more reactive than revolutionary.  Meaning, if everyone has their tattoos and piercings, they’ll rebel against that, by either getting even more of them or by going straight-edge (usually the former, unfortunately).  They aren’t trying to normalize or evangelize their look and behavior or even ideology because that would go against their life purpose, to appear unique.  Whereas Prudes and White Knights want their ideology and way of life to be normalized and codified legally and politically, they want to profit from their delusions (e.g. fat is healthy) and personalities (e.g. victimhood compensated with reparations).  They want official recognition of however many pronouns and genders they’ve come up with.  They want a 32-hour work week.  They want to ban whatever hurts their feelings.  Prudes and White Knights do on the ground work to get their wacky and tired agenda heard and accepted, that’s why they’re dangerous.  Freaks, they’re just acting out and trying to be as edgy as possible to get noticed and to maintain their identity as freaks.  They’re just annoying.

Do most of the Freaks come from uptight conservative communities, as some theorize?  I don’t know, and I don’t care.  I’m just pissed that they’ve turned punk culture from cool and thought provoking into something overwrought and silly.  Fuck ‘em.

[1] “Why the ‘poorly educated’ might not save Trump in 2024,” by Aaron Blake.

[2] See on YouTube: Why Wokeness Is a Scam | Glenn Loury & Norman Finkelstein | The Glenn Show

[3] See Smallpox at Sydney Cove – who, when, why? by Christopher Warren in Journal of Australian Studies Volume 38, 2014 – Issue 1.  Pages 68-86.  https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14443058.2013.849750
Excerpt from Abstract: “I argue that by early 1789 the colony faced huge difficulties, from the number of indigenous people opposing the settlers, from problems with agriculture, and from the lack of marines’ capability to defend the settlement, that deploying smallpox became a viable option as a means of defense. This article concludes that, on balance, British officials probably spread smallpox as the only means left to defend the colony.”

[4] Pg. 67 from Prosperity and Thrift: The Coolidge Era and the Consumer Economy, 1921-1929, published by Library of Congress, 1999.  Unfortunately, the link to book is broken.

[5] See US wages grew at fastest pace in decades in 2021, but prices grew even more from Peterson Institute for International Economics, https://www.piie.com/blogs/realtime-economic-issues-watch/us-wages-grew-fastest-pace-decades-2021-prices-grew-even-more

[6] Beck, E. M.; Tolnay, Stewart E. (August 1990). “The Killing Fields of the Deep South: The Market for Cotton and the Lynching of Blacks, 1882–1930”. American Sociological Review. 55 (4): 526–539. doi:10.2307/2095805. JSTOR 2095805

[7] Hagen, Ryan; Makovi, Kinga; Bearman, Peter (December 2013). “The Influence of Political Dynamics on Southern Lynch Mob Formation and Lethality”. Social Forces. 92 (2): 757–787. doi:10.1093/sf/sot093. S2CID 55862695

[8] Willis, John C. (2000). Forgotten Time: The Yazoo-Mississippi Delta After the Civil War. Charlottesville: University Press of Virginia, pp. 154–155

[9] Richardson, Heather (2020). “Chapter 3: The West”. How The South Won The Civil War. Oxford University Press. Audio book: 26:38 minutes in. ISBN 978-0190900908. “At least 163 Mexicans were lynched in California between 1848 and 1860, a rate comparable to that of Black Americans in the American South in the early part of the 20th century.”

[10] Carrigan, William D.; Webb, Clive (2003). “The Lynching of Persons of Mexican Origin or Descent in the United States, 1848 to 1928”. Journal of Social History37 (2): 411–438. doi:10.1353/jsh.2003.0169S2CID 143851795.

[11] The Quarterly Journal of Economics (2012) doi: 10.1093/qje/qjs028 First published online: August 30, 2012

[12] Secret $6 million home has allies and critics skeptical of BLM foundation’s finances

April 7, 20225:00 PM ET, All Things Considered, by Ailsa Chang, Jason Fuller, Kathryn Fox

[13] Greene, Robert. The Art of Seduction. New York, N.Y. :Viking, 2001, pp. 152.

[14] Based on my experiences, at least.

[15] The term “white knight” is commonly associated with men who exhibit certain behaviors, but it can also be used to describe women who engage in similar actions. The issues and potential problems associated with white knights can apply to individuals of any gender. The term itself does not specify a gender, and the underlying dynamics and concerns remain the same regardless of whether it’s a man or a woman acting as a white knight.

[16] See Amber Heard|Johnny Depp trial.  Johnny Depp Trial: Amber Heard breaks down crying while recounting 2015 altercation | FOX 5 DC.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88w0FJpKtZg

[17][17] See Vivek Ramaswamy’s Woke Inc. to understand the reasons behind woke corporate marketing campaigns.

13 Years Old and Frequently Asked Questions

Alive Juice Bar is now 13 years old (as of May 2023), and Soup Nazi Kitchen is 2 years old (April)!  Thanks for the support and we’ll continue to provide affordable and tasty soups, salads, fresh juices, smoothies, and more.

Answers to some frequently asked questions of late.

 Future Plans

Are you going to expand hours? 
We want to but are still struggling with labor.  Let us know if you know of any local international students.  Ideally we’d be open from 8am-9pm Monday through Friday.

Will you stay in downtown Everett? 
Not if there continue to be problems with drug addicts in the neighborhood.

Where would you move to? 
We’ve been offered a spot on a produce selling farm in Arlington, just off of I5.  It’s ideal because they’re open seasonally — four months off would be nice — and there aren’t any drug addicts wandering around that area.  The problem is that the farm is on a septic system that’s not approved for a restaurant.

Crime and Punishment

I heard the owner was charged with assault for beating the shit out of someone.  True?

Why did he do that?
Drug addict wouldn’t leave after being told to do so three times.  He was trespassing and the Soup Nazi sign says that trespassers will be “SPANK’D.”

How badly did he spank him? 
From the police report:



Is the owner going to go to jail?

Has the owner spanked the the woke micro-prick who shot up the place and harassed the owner online and in drive-bys?  

Why not?  
He doesn’t spank small bully boys with micro-penises.

Can I beat the shit out of this ugly piece of shit? 
No.  Stop getting the owner in trouble.  Though some of the shit people have been doing has been hilarious.  Thanks for the laughs.

What sort of trouble?
Owner got charged with harassment.  Guess woke bullies don’t like to be bullied.

Why do these woke dipshits think they can bully people who disagree with them?
Read about it our upcoming book: White, Whiny, and Woke: the new face of the KKK. 


Any book recommendations for summer reading? 
Jim Goad’s The Redneck Manifesto: How Hillbillies, Hicks, and White Trash Became America’s Scapegoats (1998).  It’s a history and analysis of American culture and politics  from roughly 1980 to 2000 told from a self-professed cracker redneck.  Owner considers this one of the most important books Americans can read.  Even though it’s 25 years old, it shows how we got to our present times.

Judith Martin’s (aka Miss Manners) Minding Miss Manners: In an Era of Fake Etiquette (2022).  She’s one of the most intellectually robust and insightful etiquette experts ever and she has solutions to deal with the onslaught of modern bad manners that get passed off as virtuous and graceful.  Read this to learn how to deal with assholes without beating the shit out of them.

When will owner release new book?
White, Whiny, and Woke: the new face of the KKK
is expected to be released by end of this year.  It’s about how Woke got hijacked by whiny white people, some who pretend to be Jewish for protection and victim points.

Aiming to release How to Suck Your Own Dick: an Alive Juice Bar Guide to Men’s Health by November, in time for Christmas season.  Just in time to buy it for your husband/boyfriend!

We’ll also restart the comic strip: Misadventures of Dipshit Doug.  It’s about the efforts and humiliations of a woke loser with a micro-penis who thinks it’s okay to harass people who disagree with him.  It features based on real life characters such as the notorious Andrew Tate, anxiety-ridden Zoe Bee, the Anchor Pub rapist Christian Sayre,  and more.  It’ll be on YouTube soon.







Intro and Description of Upcoming Book: White, Whiny, and Woke: the new face of the KKK

Book Description

Wonder why the Woke are so White, even though being Woke started off as a Black movement? Who are the Woke, how do they think, and what do they *really* want? White, Whiny, and Woke answers these questions and argues that being Woke isn’t a youthful phase, it’s a crippling lifestyle that’s similar to that of the KKK in the 1920s. This book proposes that White Wokeism has its roots not in the original Black Woke movement, but in the self-esteem movement that started in the 1970s. And American racial dynamics have changed because of this, it’s no longer Whites versus People of Color, as evidenced by the increased popularity of Donald Trump among Blacks and Latinos during the 2020 presidential election. The prevalence of White Wokeism is evidence that America is no longer divided by race and class, but by ideology. Read this book to understand how America is now a post-racial society, despite Woke insistence that it’s as racist as ever. You should also read this book if you want tools to protect yourself and your loved ones — children especially — from becoming White, Whiny, and Woke, regardless of your race.

The author is well suited to answer these questions because he’s been pissing off Woke dipshits for half of his life, first as a doctoral student in Cultural Anthropology at the University of Washington, the rest as the owner of Alive Juice Bar and The Soup Nazi Kitchen, both located in downtown Everett, WA. The opening of the latter resulted in a drive by shooting by Antifa and death threats, hate mail, and review bombs by Woke dipshits.


Look to the past to understand the present.  From history and cultural anthropology, we learn that as social structure evolves — feudalism to capitalism, for instance — social codes and archetypes from one era reappear in another in a different form. Example: Aunt Jemima, year 1900.  She’s loved by White people because she takes good care of them.  Mammy, the “house nigger” archetype. Oprah Winfrey, year 2000.  Same shit, different form.  Look at her audience — mostly middle-class White women. Oprah is their Mammy, telling them which books to read, which diets to follow, and which causes to get worked up about. The only difference is that Oprah makes coin because she lives in a more advanced stage of capitalism than did those who represented Aunt J in minstrel shows a century ago.

History repeats itself, especially when it’s studied, because those who study it are prone to narcissistic delusions about their wisdom, knowledge, and righteousness.  Such arrogance invariably leads to the same mistakes made in the past.  That’s why the US spent 14 years occupying Afghanistan – the graveyard of empires – after watching the Soviet Union fail at the same endeavor.  The chronically delusional American is particularly enamored with entreating others to be “on the right side of history.”  That’s because human nature doesn’t change.  People remain the same – narcissism is our original sin — regardless of time and place, technology and mores.  Culture (social training) can mitigate certain behaviors and influence outcomes, but peek beneath the veneer of civility and you’ll see varying degrees of venality and hubris, cruelty and malice.

That archetypes and institutions from the past reappear in the present is the premise this book is based on.  Here I argue that the 1920s version of the KKK has re-emerged as the present day (year 2023) White Woke movement.   Some say, “how can that be, the Woke are explicitly anti-racist, while the KKK was openly racist?”  But for all their posturing and virtue signaling, are the White Woke anti-racist?  A Black Columbia University linguist, John McWhorter, doesn’t think so, that’s why he published a New York Times bestseller in 2021, Woke Racism: How a New Religion Has Betrayed Black America.   Wilfred Reilly, a Black professor of political science at Kentucky State University, says: “most people advocating for radical social change on behalf of people of color are not themselves people of color.”[1] The White Woke support policies that most people of color DON’T support, such as defunding the police and the abolition of charter schools.[2] From the New York Times, covering efforts to defund the police in Minneapolis, a Black resident’s perspective:

This was made plain last week when voters rejected a proposal to replace the Minneapolis Police Department with a new Department of Public Safety. While many white progressives embraced the ballot measure as a sign of progress, many Black residents like me raised concerns that the plan lacked specificity and could reduce public safety in the Black community without increasing police accountability. The city’s largest Black neighborhoods voted it down, while support was greater in areas where more white liberals lived.[3]

What does this misalignment of desired policies between two allegedly allied groups reveal about the White, Whiny, and Woke?  Do they really want what’s best for people of color, do they care about liberty, justice, and equality, or are they more concerned about their own sense of self in relation to the lofty expectations of themselves – pushed by the self-esteem movement — that they’ve failed to achieve?  Do the White, Whiny, and Woke even care about non-Whites and the poor, or do they only care about inflating their sense of self vis-à-vis virtue signaling, similar to those who joined the KKK in the 1920s?  Do they care more about obtaining power for themselves, or empowering those in need?

Eugenics was the rage and racism was socially acceptable during the 1920s.  That’s no longer the case in the 2020s, how many Americans do you know who are okay with being called a racist?  Today, in 2023, calling someone a racist is like calling someone a pedophile.  So-called racist groups like the Proud Boys – a multiracial and gay friendly fraternity that celebrates Western civilization — take offense at being called racist.  Point is, one can’t virtue signal to the broader society by declaring oneself a racist anymore.  But one can virtue signal by declaring oneself an anti-racist on the lookout for racism and racists.  The context has changed, so what does it mean to say that human nature remains the same this time around?

Do you think that most members of the 1920s KKK would, if reincarnated to live in the present with the same socio-economic status as before, still be members of the KKK?  Or would they express their grievances by aligning themselves with a cause that’s socially acceptable today?  Who and how many people living in the present would join the KKK if they lived in the 1920s?  Keep in mind that the 1920s version of the KKK primarily consisted of lower middle-class White Protestants who lived in the Midwest (in 1924, 40% of all KKK members lived in Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois) and the main object of their ire and harassment were Catholic immigrants.  They didn’t like Jews, Blacks, and the Chinese either, but their principal focus was on curtailing immigration from Catholic and other non-Protestant lands, ostensibly because they believed that these immigrants were corrupting American society but on closer examination, it’s because they believed that the newcomers were depressing their wages.  So the main source of their grievance was *economic*, just as I propose it is today for the White, Whiny, and Woke, who are also mostly White lower-middle class and angry about their prospects for the life they think they deserve.  America has changed a lot over the past 100 years, but the same grievances remain – loss of willpower to live a better life in face of rapid economic and technological changes.

My aim here is to show that the White and Woke are, in fact, Whiny as a spoiled lapdog that hasn’t been coddled for a day.  And that whininess shows that their goal isn’t liberty, equality, and justice for all – the ideal hallmarks of American life – it’s to justify their failures in life.  Similar to the KKK of the 1920s, the White and Whiny become Woke not for moral or ethical reasons, as they claim, but to make sense of their failures as White people, the so-called privileged race.  If White people are privileged, then being White and lower-middle class is nearly as bad as being Asian and the dumbest kid in school.  There’s no sympathy or affirmative action, White losers are free game to be fucked with, especially if they’re men.  A few respond by becoming White supremacists.  Others work their way out of White loserdom by working harder to improve themselves instead of changing others and are proud of their working-class roots and lifestyles.  And then there are those who lash out by becoming anti-racist crusaders who deny their Whiteness by aligning with racial minorities and neo-Marxist academic influencers in an attempt to elevate their status from losers to the intellectually hip oppressed.  Would that explain why so many White, Whiny, and Woke with Anglo surnames claim to be Jewish?

What of the Woke who’ve achieved a modicum of success?  And aren’t the Woke the cultural elites in the media and academia?  They’ll be discussed as a separate group, as the influencers who’ve created and guide the White, Whiny, and Woke, who are mere pawns in the culture wars.

That said, the White, Whiny, and Woke aren’t merely products of neo-Marxist influencers from academia.  They’re also the result of the self-esteem movement that began with Ayn Rand’s boytoy, Nathaniel Braden when he published The Psychology of Self-Esteem in 1969.  It’s the convergence of the American neo-Marxist philosophy and the self-esteem movement that created the White, Whiny, and Woke.  And it’s the self-esteem movement, not Marxism, that has caused the most harm.  Marxists from other parts of the world aren’t whiny and obsessed with issues such as gender pronouns, okay?  And surprise, I actually think that Marxism is a useful counterpoint to capitalism and that without it, we’d get a much uglier version of commercial enterprise.  The self-esteem movement, on the other hand, is narcissism rebranded as a virtue.  Combine narcissism with Marxism and you get a neo-Marxist doctrine that’s as pernicious and debilitating as 1920s KKK ideology.

Part I of this book asks: Who are the Woke?  Chapter 1 sketches the Lives and Lifestyles of the White, Whiny, and Woke.  What are their jobs, how do they spend their leisure time, what are their morals, what do they think about?  The Lives and Lifestyles of the Woke Elite is the topic of chapter 2, a glimpse into the logic of Woke academic thought.  Chapter 3 is a quiz to gauge How White, Whiny, and Woke Are You, regardless of your race.

Part II – Woke Philosophy – expounds on the intellectual history of White Wokeism so you know where they get their ideas from.  This section begins with Chapter 4, Black Woke, which traces the African American origins of the term “Woke.”  White Woke, the title of Chapter 5, follows how “Woke” was hijacked by White activists and the academic elite and their reasons for doing so.  Chapter 6, Why the Woke are Obsessed with Nazis and the KKK, is a psychoanalytic exploration of the Woke mindset, which is eerily similar to that of the 1920s KKK.  Chapter 7, Woke Language Translated, makes sense of the terms the Woke use, such as empathy and inclusion, to define themselves and their mission.

The theme of Part III is How to Protect Yourself and Loved Ones from Becoming Woke Zombies.  So many have watched in horror someone they know become infected with victimhood mentality, narcissistic rage, and ugly fashion.  This section provides cures for the Woke disease.  One such cure is an understanding of Basic Economics, because anyone who thinks that economics is a zero-sum game and that resources are finite will become Woke.  Chapter 9, Woke Economics, explains how the Woke understand the economic world and why their worldview turns them into dipshits who fuck everything up in their own fucked up way.  Chapter 10 puts the previous two chapters in battle with each other by explaining why Wage Stagnation is a Stupid Myth.  To avoid becoming a Woke Zombie, it’s also important to have a healthy mindset about yourself and others.  So chapter 11 advises you to Change Yourself to Influence Others, which is more effective and healthier than trying to force others to change to suit yourself, as Woke Zombies tend to do.  We end with Chapter 12, Recommended Readings, as cures for the Woke mindset.

[1] https://www.prageru.com/video/the-whiteness-of-wokeness?gclid=CjwKCAjwrpOiBhBVEiwA_473dDbyL-ckFPny1iVHOGAbwYO5GBcq-bKfkI0jSu38NZPxlDnPDuTNqBoCEh8QAvD_BwE

[2] The Star Tribune, MPR News, KARE 11 and FRONTLINE, the PBS series, interviewed 800 Minnesota likely voters between Sept. 9 and Sept. 13. 2021. That sample included interviews with 537 self-identified white registered voters and 157 African-American registered voters.  Even though a higher percentage of polled Blacks than polled Whites had an unfavorable opinion of police (58% vs 51% respectively), 75% of polled Blacks did not want fewer police officers, while 14% did.  In a 2018 Bennenson Strategy Group Poll, 69% of Black *Democratic* voters supported charter schools, as did 70% of Hispanic *Democratic* voters.  https://www.the74million.org/for-democrats-race-plays-a-key-role-in-support-of-charter-schools-new-polling-shows/

[3] Black Voters Want Better Policing, Not Posturing by Progressives (Nov. 9, 2021) https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/09/opinion/minneapolis-police-defund.html

Description and Intro to How to Suck Your Own Dick: an Alive Juice Bar Guide to Men’s Health




Book Description

You crave or have a dick.  Would you prefer to do the sex with and/or as someone who can suck his own dick, or not?  (I didn’t say “does,” I said “can”).  You want that dick to be healthy and hard, or feeble and flaccid?

Alive Juice Bar’s Guide to Men’s Health: How to Suck Your Own Dick will show you how to keep yourself and/or your man limber, robust, and hard into old age.  This book advises men on nutrition and the mental and physical exercises they need to do to be youthful and in sharp mental and physical shape at any age.  Included are simple recipes and meal prep strategies, suggested weekly exercise routines, and neuroplasticity drills.  There’s also a bonus chapter on Oriental sex tricks that double as penis and fascia workouts so you and/or your man can achieve autofellatio (if you want) and shoot jizz farther than ever.

Working toward sucking your own dick will improve your health, regardless of age, guaranteed.


Nostalgia is a sign of bad health.  “I grew up in the 80s, and that was the best decade,” people write in the comments section for a popular 80s music video on YouTube.  Was it really?  Would any of these people trade their smart phone for a rotary phone, Internet access for a CB radio and a Walkman, and a 2020 Hyundai Elantra for a 1985 Cadillac Seville as their commuter car?  Of course not, they wouldn’t be commenting on YouTube if they’d made the trade, one that’s available to Americans who don’t live in poverty, every day.

So why are many people sentimental about their youth?  Was the music really that much better or is it better because of the memories it evokes?  Why are memories of angst filled youth and dumb decisions comforting?  Not saying each decade doesn’t have its own unique high points – people looked better and were healthier before the obesity epidemic, for instance.  But the 80s was also the decade of AIDS epidemic and the highest crime rates ever recorded.  In 1989, there were 1905 people murdered in New York City.  In 2022, there were 433 murders.

This isn’t just about the 80s, it’s about people’s propensity to romanticize their youth, no matter how wretched it was compared to their present.  I remember working on a documentary about the New York City’s Lower East Side, which was a slummy neighborhood until around year 2000.  Everyone who grew up there in the 1950s told me about the “good old times,” like the entire family sleeping on the iconic metal fire escapes during the miserably hot and humid summers.  These same people moved from 600 sf tenements for a family of six to spacious, air-conditioned homes in the suburbs during the 1960s.  If their youth was so wonderful, why would they deprive their own children of the same experience?  How can so many people romanticize what most people today consider poverty?

My theory is that those reminisce about their youth do to avoid the pain of being unhealthy in the present.  The 50-year-old who is in better shape than he was when he was 20 isn’t going to be pining about his 20th year of life.  Ask former fat-fuck turned Navy Seal and ultra marathoner, David Goggins.  He went from being 6’1” and nearly 300 lbs. of flab (he wasn’t a football lineman) in his early 20s to a 175 lbs. 50-year-old fitness magazine model and motivational speaker today.  You think he’s reminiscing about the days when he couldn’t see his dick from a standing position?  Goggins never speaks wistfully about his youth, watch his interviews on YouTube if you don’t believe me.

If my theory is right, that being healthy – limber, robust, and free of pain – is such a wonderful state of being that it’s better to be so than to have all the trappings of a luxurious life while being feeble, then why do so many in the modern world choose to be frail than fit as they age?  I say “modern” because there’s anthropological evidence that those who live in a pre-modern world – no chairs, elevators, anything that reduces physical labor for survival – don’t suffer from the same physical ailments as many of those who live in industrialized societies.  Like the elderly who don’t suffer from back pain despite working their entire lives to gather food, for instance.  From NPR’s segment on Lost Posture: Why Some Indigenous Cultures May Not Have Back Pain[1]:

Believe it or not, there are a few cultures in the world where back pain hardly exists. One indigenous tribe in central India reported essentially none. And the discs in their backs showed little signs of degeneration as people aged.

Westerners tend to believe that the body necessarily degenerates with age and use.  That’s not true, according to the “posture guru” and acupuncturist Esther Gokhale, interviewed in the above mentioned NPR segment:

“I have a picture in my book of these two women who spend seven to nine hours everyday, bent over, gathering water chestnuts,” Gokhale says. “They’re quite old. But the truth is they don’t have a back pain.”

If routine physical labor and age don’t cause back pain, then what does?  What about other physical and mental ailments, such as erectile dysfunction and Alzheimer’s, are they due to labor and age, or not?

The science regarding the link between age and ailments isn’t conclusive and either way, it doesn’t matter.  What matters is that you have to believe that age isn’t an excuse for having lower back pain or brain fog; or tight hips that restrict your movement; or the beer belly that likely causes lower back pain, bad posture, and makes your cock look small; or your inability to learn a new language.  If you don’t believe that age isn’t an excuse, then this book is of no use to you.

The point of this health book isn’t to teach you how to suck your own dick.  It’s cool if you want to, and I have a feeling that most women and gay men would like to see their man – or any man — pull it off.  (It’s mostly straight men who don’t want to suck their own dick, I suspect).  The purpose of this book is to help men become healthier, and the ability to suck one’s own dick is just a symbolic and probably abstract goal for them in their pursuit of a more vigorous life.  You can succeed in improving your life without sucking your own dick, okay?  But working to suck your own duck will make you healthier, guaranteed.  Like, what does it take to suck one’s own dick?  One has to be:

  • Limber
  • Slender
  • Decently endowed

This book will help you become more limber, slender, and better endowed, and it won’t be as difficult as you think.  It won’t be easy, but you can still eat tasty food, drink alcohol, and not spend more than 10 hours a week on physical exercise.  And it’ll probably save you money, short and long term, because eating well costs less than eating shit that makes you inflamed, bloated, and torpid.  So let’s do it!

To do it, you need to have the Right Mindset, the topic of Part I of this book.  Chapter 1, Age is a Lame Excuse, berates those for blaming age, instead of their chronic bad habits, for their health problems.  It reviews some anthropological and medical literature about health and aging in modern and pre-modern societies to convince you that there shouldn’t be a significant decline in physical and cognitive performance as you age.  Chapter 2 shows you how to Think Like a Three-Year-Old.  You can train yourself to become more curious and regain much of the neuroplasticity that your brain once had.  To do so, you might need to assess your attitude about Mental Health, the title of Chapter 3, because many physical ailments are manifestations of mental ones.  And you need to have the right mindset to work through the Physical Exercises – Part II of this book – to help you suck your own dick.

We kick off Part II with Suck Your Dick Workouts, the title of chapter 4.  Most physical ailments begin with a weak core, your abs and hips.  Here you’ll be shown to how strengthen your core so you can move correctly without fucking up the rest of your body in your own fucked up way.  It’ll hurt, but it won’t be as painful as you think and soon, you’ll be fucking like a porn star on Viagra.  In chapter 5, you’ll be shown exercises – resistance training — to boost testosterone so you can fuck with more frequency and your jizz will shoot farther.  Chapter 6, Exercises for Hair Growth, you’ll be introduced to the head stand.  My hair was thinning and greying until I started to do a head stand every day, and now it’s as thick and dark as ever.  The headstand sounds intimidating to some, but it’s not that hard and private inversion lessons costs a lot less than those stupid creams, hair transplants, and hair pieces.  Inversions are also face lifts so your facial skin looks less droopy.

Part III is a primer on the Diet and Nutrition you need to suck your own dick.  We get to the heart of the matter in Chapter 7, How to Train Your Palate to Eat Less. Most diets don’t work because they’re asking people to eat what they don’t like to eat.  This chapter explains how to get around this dilemma by training your palate to crave less sugar to be satisfied.  Chapter 8, What to Eat, suggests what you should eat to be lean, limber, and free of inflammation.  This chapter will probably save you money, because eating well is cheaper than you think once you stop eating the bullshit health foods you don’t like.  Chapter 9 considers When to Eat.  Should you eat three meals a day?  Should you eat within an hour after waking up?  Can intermittent fasting reverse aging?

Part IV is about some of the Mental Exercises you can practice to improve brain neuroplasticity so you don’t become a dumb fuck as you age.  These exercises work in conjunction with the physical exercises outlined in this book because mental health = physical health.  Chapter 10 – Mental Drills — suggests fun ways to keep your mind sharp, and warns about seemingly harmless activities that’ll make you dull minded.  Chapter 11 shows you how to Learn a New Language to improve brain neuroplasticity so you can think and act like a three-year-old again.  Full circle.

Being able to suck your own dick doesn’t mean you don’t need Medical Care, Part V of this book.  Chapter 12 — What We Can Learn About Vaccines from the Japanese – begins with a history of how medical science works and what we can learn from its of successes and failures.  Pre-Modern Medicine, the title of chapter 13, reviews alternatives to modern medicine to fix your health problems.  It doesn’t discount evidence based medicine, it points out that medicine is an art and a science, and recognizing it as such will help you make better decisions about how to reach your goal of sucking your own dick.  We end with Chapter 14 – Recommended Readings —  reviews of books written by Western trained medical doctors critical of Western medicine who suggest alternative strategies to live a robust life till you die.

This book should be read – in the first reading – in chronological order, from Introduction to the end.  To read otherwise might be confusing.  Send questions and comments to foodyap@gmail.com, put “I want to suck my own dick” in the subject line if you want a reply.  Enjoy, and good health.

[1] June 8, 2015, by Michaeleen Doucleffhttps://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2015/06/08/412314701/lost-posture-why-indigenous-cultures-dont-have-back-pain

How to go to a restaurant

Ever been confused or hesitant about what to order at a restaurant?  Wonder how to get the most out of your money when dining out?  Have you asked where one should go to eat for health?  If you’ve answered yes to any of those questions, then this is post is for you!

Types of Restaurants and How They Make Money

Usually, they make what nearly all people make at a lower cost and better.  To begin with, they buy in bulk, so they’re typically paying 1/4 to 2/3 of what most consumers pay for the same ingredients.  The most affordable restaurants — think McDonald’s Dollar Menu, from which you can put together a meal for under $5 — signal that it’s cheaper and more convenient and pleasurable to eat with them than it is to cook at home. That’s often true for those cooking for one, unless you’re an exceptional cook or only eating the cheapest of frozen meals and ramen.

Then there are restaurants that cost, for many, 10-35% more than cooking a standard home meal but provide good value.  Alive Juice Bar’s salmon meal and Soup Nazi Kitchen’s beef stew are examples.  At $10 and $11 respectively, they cost a bit more than making beef spaghetti and salad at home.  But it’s salmon and slow cooked chuck roast, both of which are more expensive ingredients than ground beef and neither of which are easy to prepare for inexperienced cooks.  Japanese ramen is another example, mine costs $17 after tip.  I can’t make it as well or as cheaply, and I don’t want to spend money on equipment and the time to figure out how to do so because that’s not what I want to eat everyday.  Or how about the Greek diner and gyros?  These restaurants offer an affordable break from people’s weekly repertoire of home cooked meals.

Casual outing restaurants cost $50-$100 for two, and alcoholic drinks are more likely to accompany the meal.  Décor and ambiance matter at such places, people are looking for an escape from everyday life, they want something different from the usual.  Sometimes the food isn’t any different or better than what’s served at lower cost options because people are visiting for the restaurant’s aura as much as for the food.  Occasionally, the food is original — nothing like it found elsewhere — and spectacular enough to win (or deserve) Micheline stars.  Great chefs can make amazing dishes with low cost ingredients.

Special occasion restaurants start at $100 for two, without alcohol, and can exceed $1000 if it involves bottles of wine.  While the food isn’t necessarily better than what’s found at casual outing restaurants, it’s more expensive because it’s made with higher priced, though not necessarily better, ingredients.  A casual outing restaurant might serve a well marbled tri-tip steak, which most chefs consider superior in flavor to the more expensive beef tenderloin served at the special occasion restaurant.  The décor is usually noticeably grander than what you’d find at more casual restaurants.

And finally, the once in a lifetime restaurants, the ones most go to once in their lives with no intention to return.  These restaurants either have at least two Micheline stars or are ranked in the top 50 by UK based Restaurant Magazine.  The décor and service is typically memorable and regardless of location, prices generally range from $200 – $800 per person.  Three Micheline star Alinea in Chicago offers a budget $200/person tasting menu (served in its secondary dining room), which costs the same as the lowest priced tasting menu (no drinks) served by 11th ranked Maido Restaurant in lower cost locale Lima, Peru.  Since most of these restaurants offer tasting menus with drink pairings, the cost per person is set, drunken carelessness won’t result in like a $2,000 bill for two.

Purposes of Going to a Restaurant

Here are a few common ones:

  1. Too lazy or busy to cook, want to save time.
  2. They make it better and/or cheaper than I do.
  3. Boredom, want to experience something new.
  4. Comfort, place is a second home, enjoy talking to the people there.
  5. Educational, want to learn different ways to serve, host, and cook.
  6. Celebrate a special occasion.
  7. Curiosity, why is this restaurant so famous?

How to Order on a Budget Without Destroying Your Health

Most fast food places have budget menus.  At my local McDonald’s (Everett WA) a double cheeseburger and medium fries costs $4, tax not included.    A double cheeseburger and a McChicken costs the same.  Those are great deals, most don’t have the equipment to make fries or fried chicken patties of that quality.  And the cost to make a comparable double cheese burger at home is the same, except it takes 10 minutes if you’re fast (includes cleanup time).  A better use of time is to buy salad dressing and a ready to use assorted greens salad mix and pair the Dollar Menu Meal with a salad that takes a minute to make and clean.  Final cost for a somewhat healthy meal: $5, $6 if it’s a big ass salad.  It’s not grossly unhealthy — note that there isn’t an allowance for soda here — to do that two to three times a week to save time and money, especially if you’re cooking for one.

$4-$5, makes eight servings.  Add oil and vinegar or your favorite dressing.

On other days, you want to slow down and have a nicer meal.  Salmon perhaps, especially during the dark months for its Vitamin D content.  You could pick one up at Alive Juice Bar for $10, tax included.  It’s a complete meal that’s high in fiber because of the curry *brown* rice and beans and has at least three different types of seasonal veggies.  Once a week, for $15, tip included, I go to Happy Pho in Everett for a healthy pho that includes soybean sprouts, basil leaves (expensive), broccoli, onion, jalapenos, and carrots.  I skip the noodles (low carb diet) and get the beef tendon and tripe (both expensive and difficult to cook well) for its high collagen and protein content.  It’s fast too, served in under three minutes after I order.  It’s on the way after going to the gym and I can’t make it for less or better.  Tastes good too.

How to Order at a Restaurant for Health and Budget

Sometimes you want to spend more on a nice full-service restaurant.  Here are tips for ordering at a restaurant.

  1. The typical appetizer -> entrée -> desert order is too much food for most people.  If you’re stuffed after a meal, it was too much food.  You should be comfortable enough to take a brisk walk after a meal.
  2. You don’t have to order an entrée.  If the appetizers look interesting, order a collection of them to make a meal for two or more, all shared.  For instance, from Anthony’s Homeport in Everett, WA: bowl of clam chowder ($14); blue cheese salad w/shrimp ($11); mussels ($17); crispy calamari ($19). Those appetizers add up to $63, tax not included and are more than enough to feed two at a casual outing restaurant.  If there’s an entrée you want, ask for it to be served family style so it can be easily shared.
  3. Balance flavors and textures.  Nothing wrong with ordering the same or similar ingredients twice or thrice, but avoid too much repetition.  Calamari tastes better when it’s contrasted with something that isn’t fried, like raw oysters.  A salad that’s light (no heavy dressing) balances out a fatty dish like foie gras or fried chicken and makes both taste better.  Mashed potatoes and fries are different textures and it’s okay to have both for an enjoyable meal, but too much of both is bad for your health and likely unpleasant for your palate after a few bites.  Don’t use fried rice as an accompaniment to main dishes at a Chinese restaurant, the mess of flavors will quickly dull your palate, which leads to overeating.  You eat less when you get the pleasure you expect sooner than later.  Order white rice instead, it’ll accentuate the flavors of the main dishes.
  4. Aim for diversity of flavors, textures, and ingredients.  The contrasts make everything taste better, and a diverse diet is a healthy diet.  Nothing wrong with having beef five ways if it’s a bite or two of each — something like this happens with themed tasting menus.  But avoid ordering, for instance, beef stew and a 12 oz. steak unless you plan to share it.  Otherwise, you might get bored of your steak.

    Tapas style Syrian meal, eight small dishes for two to share. (Still too much food, most tapas style restaurants recommend 2-3 small dishes per person).

  5. If you’re having trouble deciding what you want, order what you haven’t had in awhile.  A diverse diet is healthier, use the opportunity to try something different.
  6. I think drink pairings are bullshit, and I’m not the only one.  It’ll cost less to have a drink at home before, maybe one at the restaurant, and then a nightcap at home.  That saves a lot of money, especially with tasting menus at special occasion restaurants — typically $150/person saved!

What not to ask or do at a restaurant


  1. Don’t ask what’s the most popular.  It might be something you don’t like.  You’re you and other people have their own preferences.  Better to tell your server what your preferences are.  “I don’t want a desert that’s cloyingly sweet” for instance.
  2. Don’t ask what your server likes.  You’re you and other people have their own preferences.  Good servers will respond to such inquiries with questions about your preferences.
  3. Don’t ask for seasoning spices (salt, pepper, etc.) if none are available on the table.  It means the food you’re served is to be eaten as is.  Ask for your preferred seasoning only if some seasoning is on your table.  For instance, I ask for white pepper at my favorite ramen spot that keeps soy sauce and black pepper on tables.
  4. Don’t split checks at sit down restaurants when it’s busy.  Splitting checks creates a lot more work for your server than you think, and the extra charges from doing so costs restaurants money.  Most busy and higher end restaurants no longer allow for split checks.
  5. Don’t disregard a restaurant’s rules.  You’re voluntarily entering into someone else’s home as a guest, okay?  If the Japanese restaurant asks you to take off your shoes before entering its tatami room, do so.  If Canlis requires coat and tie, wear them or don’t go.  If Alive Juice Bar tells you to order the moment you’re ready instead of waiting around like an idiot, do it even if it feels rude to you.  Each restaurant has its reason for operating as they do, and guests who don’t play along are fucking things up in their own fucked up way.  Don’t hesitate to ask why they do as they do when they’re not busy.

    Dumbfucks who woujldn’t follow ordering system receive the worst service in their lives. So bad they’ll remember it on their deathbed.

Restaurant for Health and Wellbeing

Where I go weekly with budget and health in mind:

  1. Happy Pho in Everett.  High in fiber, protein, collagen (tripe and tendon), and they serve the most veggies of any pho place I’ve been to.  $14 and change with tip.  Also recommended as hangover cure, in addition to juice with turmeric and ginger at Alive Juice Bar.
  2. Korea House in Marysville for tofu soup.  I get the seafood option, which includes mussels, clams, shrimp, and octopus, all ingredients I rarely make on my own.  It comes with six side dishes, such as kimchi, pickled daikon, soybean sprouts, so lots of veggies.  $20, tip included.

    Soft tofu soup comes with bowl of rice and six mostly veggie side dishes (unlimited). Healthy and tasty.

  3. Swish Swish Hotpot, Alderwood Mall.  This is my go to meal before I do a >24 fast.  It’s $29.99 for its all you can eat lunch, it’d cost me $50 to make this on my own.  That’s because I order expensive cuts such as lamb shoulder and jumbo shrimp, and pricey nutrient dense veggies such as wood ear mushrooms, chrysanthemum leaves, and lotus root.  Skip the more pedestrian ingredients such as broccoli, chicken, and pork to get the most for your money.

  4. Alive Juice Bar in downtown Everett.  The take-home meals are high in fiber, protein, and have at least three seasonal veggies.  Protein shakes like the Avocado milkshake are complete meals for those on the run: kale for salad, apple for desert, avocado and peanuts for fat and fiber, in addition to protein powder.  Tastes like a milkshake too, $9 tax included for a quick and complete meal that’ll keep you full for at least six hours.
  5. The Soup Nazi Kitchen.  Each soup is high in fiber — lentils, carrots, celery, potatoes.  Protein options include salmon, beef, and chicken.  A 32 oz chicken soup is $10, tax included.  Salmon stew is $11, tax included.




Santiago de Queretaro trip Report (Dec 2022)


Sorry so late and continued from Mexico City Trip Report II…

Santiago de Queretaro

Rented a car in Mexico City and left for Santiago de Queretaro, two and a half hours away in the central mountains of Mexico.  Founded in 1531, the city proper has a population of ~ 800,000, the metro area ~1.5 million and has the second highest GDP per capita among Mexico’s metro areas at ~$20,000.

Its economy is based on IT and data centers, logistics services, aircraft manufacturing and maintenance, call centers, the automotive and machinery industries, and the production of chemicals and food products.  The region of Querétaro has a growing vineyards agriculture and hosts the famous wine producer from Spain Freixenet. Wine production in Querétaro is now the second largest in Mexico after that of the Baja California region.

Renting a mid sized car is about $20/day and the quality of the car isn’t any different from what you’d typically find in the US.  Gas prices seem to be 20% lower than what you’d find in Seattle metro area.  Rate of traffic accidents in Mexico is comparable to that of the US, though it feels lower because in 20 hours of driving cross country and in major cities, I only saw one minor accident on a mountain pass that likely involved the sun.  In Seattle metro area, I encounter an accident every 5 hours of driving, it seems.  Still, don’t drive in Mexico unless you’re comfortable driving in New York City.  Turn signals are optional, cutting people off is normal, and pedestrians are everywhere, even in the smaller cities like Guanajuato (pop. 80,000).  Most American drivers give pedestrians feets of space.  In Mexico, cars come inches from pedestrians.  In any case, I think Mexicans are the best drivers in the world.  They’re not anxious about getting into an accident the way American drivers are, so they’re more efficient.  For instance, jaywalkers don’t phase Mexican drivers, whereas Americans drivers will stop and freak out.  Mexican drivers know how to weave through a crowd.  American drivers break down in such situations because most of them are used to low density suburban streetscapes and they’ve been schooled to be a skittish bunch.  And finally, you can ruin an American’s day by cutting them off, Mexicans don’t think anything of it.

Mexican drivers are more polite and less aggressive than, say, those angry French drivers.  If you step in front of a car in Mexico, it’ll stop.  In France (I’ve heard that’s changed in last few years, haven’t been in 16 years) and many other parts of the world, they’ll speed up and dare you to not jump out of the way.  Put simply, drive in Mexico only if you’re accustomed to driving in high density areas where traffic rules aren’t followed but there’s still common courtesy and sense.


Casona de la Republica Hotel Boutique

Stay here!  Room was $200/night and it would’ve been $1000/night if it were in Mexico City.  It’s a well renovated 17th century hacienda in the city center, which is a UNESCO World Heritage Site.  Room — 800 sf? — has two floors and two bathrooms, one of which has a sauna and a six person hot tub.  Check these out:


Not many foreign tourists in Queretaro so I was the only customer at the hotel (I stayed during the week, they have Mexican guests during weekends).  The place is like a museum, I spent an hour exploring it.

Typically there’s a full-service restaurant in the hotel, but it’s been closed since the pandemic.  Still, they offer complimentary breakfast — eggs and toast, tea, coffee, and juice.


Warm, sunny, and dry during the day, chilly (40s) in the early morning.  Comfortable for me, I hate humid weather.

Vibe and Culture

Festive, even on a Wednesday evening, and they take Christmas seriously.  Lots of Christmas and other decorations and they were working on more.  Lots of families walking around or hanging out in one of several plazas near my hotel.  Unlike Condesa in Mexico City, I didn’t hear much English, so be prepared to communicate in Spanish at hotels and restaurants.  Check out these plazas, of which there aren’t many in Mexico City.

The trees are well manicured, not much litter, no unsightly graffiti that you’d find in, say, Guadalajara. Feels safe, stores stay open till 11pm or midnight, seven days a week, people are chill and the noise loud.  Didn’t see a homeless person, street whores, or drunks (Mexico has strict drinking laws).  I’d live here and it’s a good place to raise a family.

Didn’t see many White people or Natives, nearly everyone is Mestizo.  So I suspect race relations here are different from that in Mexico City, where class is closely aligned with race.  I also didn’t see significant disparities of wealth that you’d see in Mexico City, Queretaro looks and feels like a middle-class manufacturing town.


Within a mile of my hotel, there are multiple restaurants on every block, from standard American pub grub (pizza and burgers) to upscale Italian to taquerias.  The selection in the historic district could be better — too many touristy restaurants that serve the same food and experience — but the offerings throughout the city cover a lot of cuisines.  There are a few interesting looking French restaurants, a bunch of Mexican style sushi and ramen shops, noticeably more Chinese restaurants than in Mexico City, though they don’t serve Chinese food, it’s more like American Chinese food with a Mexican twist.  Pho, and cuisine from most of Latin and South America and Europe (even from Balkan states) are available.

My most interesting experience was at a casual upscale Oaxacan restaurant that specializes in bugs.  Videos:


I asked for ants with my guacamole, I got jumile bug instead?  Anyway, it’s important to take the insect eating movement seriously, it isn’t a plot by overlords to force people to eat insects instead of beef and seafood.  Insects have been a normal part of people’s diets for a long time.  Oh, and the drink is a mango smoothie.  Video of the restaurant, the most amazing looking restaurants I’ve seen have been in Mexico (Mexico City, San Miguel Allende, Queretaro, Guanajuato).  Mexicans in central Mexico are the artsiest people I’ve met, they take street art and interior design seriously.

There are lots of museums nearby, I only had time to go to one (not counting the hotel), the museum of art of Querétaro, which is located in what once was a convent.  Beautiful space:

There’s so much more I want to see: museums, restaurants outside of the historic district, and Costco.  The aqueduct, meh, don’t see why it’s a big deal.  In any case, next time, I’ll spend five days and four nights there.  Don’t think I’d drive there from Mexico City, I’d take a flight to and rent a car at the airport to drive to the hotel  (hotel provides valet parking) because the road trip isn’t visually interesting (mostly dryish mountain terrain and highway tolls are frequent and cost a lot ($65 one way from Mexico City) .  From there, I’d drive to Guanajuato — the most beautiful city I’ve seen — which is what I did.  Next travel report: Guanajuato, my favorite city.


Good Fucking Manners: etiquette for misanthropists and success now available

Available on Amazon Kindle, paperback will be available in store by mid April.

To whet your appetite, below is book description and introduction.


Book Description
Do you treat everyone with equal amounts of respect?  Should you treat everyone with equal amounts of respect?  If your answers are “no,” read on.

Do you have good manners, or good fucking manners?  Have you ever thought that the manners you were taught are fucktarded?  Do you not trust polite people?  Wonder if there’s a correct way to be mean?  Want to remake yourself into a paragon of efficiency, transparency, and good fucking manners?  Then this is the etiquette book for you!  The Juice Nazi and his Head of Secret Police, Roxanne G., are back, angrier than ever and ready to impose their will on dipshits who dare oppose them.  In this book, they dissect American middle-class manners to reveal an etiquette system rife with genteel bullying, moral grandstanding, and narcissistic delusions.  They offer, in its place, an alternate etiquette system that doesn’t tolerate anything that’s fake, senseless, and wasteful. This book profanes the sacred and will make anyone who identifies as a middle-class American in morals and manners, squirm.  Misanthropists will be delighted.


Most people think they have good manners.  Most of these people are wrong, they don’t know jack shit about good fucking manners.

To begin with, anyone who thinks good manners is about following a set of arbitrary and sometimes asinine procedures is a boorish ninny who can’t think.  One can’t be well mannered without having considered the meaning and purpose behind and effectiveness of each action, okay?  Well-mannered people are *aware* – they’re sensitive to context and purpose – and they’re curious.  It’s the insolent and lazy who use the same pick-up lines regardless of the situation, despite consistently obstructive consequences.  It’s the awkward and brainwashed who can be convinced that bitch slapping someone can be a polite greeting in another culture, just because the ethos of multiculturalism says so.  These are the people who take up two parking spots and aren’t paying attention when the light turns green.

One needs to understand why “good manners” are good manners to be well mannered.  If you don’t wonder why a certain act is “good,” then there’s a swell chance you have bad manners because etiquette is often slow to adapt to the changing world.  For instance, what’s the point of the handshake?  Are we showing that we aren’t carrying a dagger, that we come in peace?  Is it still more egalitarian and warmer than tipping the hat (that few wear nowadays) and curtsies, as the Quakers believed?  Does the transfer of germs make more people sick, or does it facilitate herd immunity?  Will the handshake survive the 2020 pandemic?  Should it?

What’s the purpose of having good manners and what’s its relationship to etiquette?  From what I’ve seen, most of the Anglo cultured world equate “good manners” with one’s knowledge and ability to follow prevailing etiquette.  In other words, “good manners” is a matter of social access and the implication is that it’s the upper class that determines the codes of good conduct.  Here’s a definition of etiquette from Merriam-Webster dictionary that reflects that ethos:

the conduct or procedure required by good breeding or prescribed by authority to be observed in social or official life.

Etiquette here is delineated as a top-down mechanism, “prescribed by authority,” and/or by those of “good breeding,” which I take to mean the upper class.  Not all dictionaries agree with this definition, let’s look at Oxford Language’s more egalitarian definition of etiquette:

the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group.

This definition implies that each social class has its own set of rules and none are intrinsically superior to others.  And these codes can be developed organically, bottom-up, rather than from sources of authority.

This tension between egalitarianism and elitism pervades American social life, resulting in ludicrous habits that get passed off as “good manners.”  So many Americans – left-wing Americans especially – want it all, they want to stick up for common folk AND be recognized as elite, which is why they’re called champagne socialists, or limousine liberals.  This paradox results in an etiquette system that encourages manners that are fake, senseless, and wasteful.  Parodies, really, performed by people who act and sound like muppets.

It doesn’t have to be that way.  The aim of this book is to suggest an alternate etiquette system that encourages people to be authentic, transparent, and efficient.  The basis of this etiquette system – Part I of this book – is the title of the first chapter, Don’t Waste People’s Time.  Well-mannered people don’t show off their good breeding – that’d be narcissism at work and it’s a waste of time – they’re focused on making their own and other people’s lives better and easier.  This chapter also explores why so many Americans think it’s good manners to waste people’s time.  Chapter 2 is a test of how well-mannered you are in the alternate etiquette system proposed in this book.

Part II is about the Secondary Principles one should abide by to be well-mannered.  These include: Save Other People Time, the title of chapter 3.  To do so, Don’t Lie, the title of chapter 4.  Yes, not lying will hurt people’s feelings, but well-mannered people care more about truth than feelings, and worrying about people’s feelings is a waste of time.  Good news is that not lying doesn’t mean you have to say anything.  So we segue to chapter 5, Less is Best, which shows you how to be minimalistic in interactions so you don’t say something stupid.  Doing so will save you and others time.  Show, Don’t Tell is the title of chapter 6.  Well-mannered people say less and do more because actions and results mean more than words.  In chapter 7, Treat Others as They Treat You, elucidates the difference between empathy and sympathy and explains why treating others as you want to be treated is a narcissistic act that’ll get you in trouble.

Part III, Situations, applies the above principles to specific situations.  Chapter 8, Phone Etiquette, shows the proper way to place a call and answer them.  This is especially important if you’re in sales, good phone etiquette will increase your sales, guaranteed.  Chapter 9, The Art of Being Mean, explores how to be mean to someone with style so you don’t look like a basic bitch Karen.  We pivot to Be Kind, Not Nice in Chapter 10 because so many people who think they’re being nice are actually acting like whiny, white, and woke dipshits like that cunt Kendra Steel.  Chapter 11, Awkward Situations, shows you how to act gracefully when the situation gets weird.  Restaurant Etiquette is the subject of Chapter 12, so you don’t dine with a chopstick up your ass when you’re eating out.  Chapter 13, How to Talk to Customers puts the principle “Treat Others as They Want to Be Treated” in action.  Those in the service industry should read this chapter.  In Chapter 14, Bad Manners that rarely get called out are discussed and dissected to reveal an American culture with fucked up priorities.  It also shows you how to respond to bad manners with good fucking manners.  Touché, villains!

Part IV examines the Purpose of Good Fucking MannersLike, what’s the point of this book and what can you do with it?  Chapter 15 elucidates why Chinese People Don’t Say “Thank You” anywhere as often as Americans do.  Is it because the Chinese are rude?  What does it say about the philosophical underpinnings of Chinese society?  What does this contrast reveal about American society and manners?  This chapter de-normalizes American notions of what is proper.  Chapter 16 is a review of famed chef Marco Pierre White’s memoir: Devil in the Kitchen.  What sort of manners did he have to become the youngest, at age 33, to win three Micheline stars, become the first TV rockstar chef, and train famous chefs such as Gordon Ramsey, Heston Blumenthal, and Mario Batali?  More of the same in Chapter 17, except here it’s about How Steve Jobs Made Your iPhone.  Did Steve Jobs have good manners, or good fucking manners to make his vision reality?  In Chapter 18, we appraise the Purpose of Good Fucking Manners.  What can you achieve with good fucking manners, assuming you don’t find it revolting.  Chapter 19 introduces some of you to Suggested Readings that have shaped this book.  These include etiquette classics by Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt, and Miss Manners; lesser-known ones by outlandish authors such as flaming fag Quentin Crisp and the “Queen of Mean,” Florence King; and well-known authors whose books can be read as, but aren’t, about etiquette, such as Robert Greene and Frederick Nietzsche.  This chapter conveys that there are divergent thoughts about etiquette and it’s up to you to decide what works best for you.

We finish with Final Thoughts and Questions in Chapter 20, where I talk about my transcultural experiences with etiquette to highlight the uniqueness of American preoccupation with etiquette and of its implications.  I also ask the reader questions about their relationship with etiquette.  Do you respect everyone equally?  Should you?

After you’ve read the first seven chapters, you can skip around.  You need to understand the principles behind my etiquette system before you can understand how they work in everyday situations.

Send comments, including hate mail and death threats, to foodyap@gmail.com.  Enjoy!


Mexico City Travel Report II

Flew in on Air Canada, Seattle to Vancouver — six hour layover — to Mexico City.  I chose this roundabout route not because it’s cheaper — it’s $30 more, one-way — but because Air Canada is my airline of choice and I wanted to try a Japanese-Italian restaurant in Richmond, BC, Wasatu Pasta, a 10 minute taxi ride from the airport.

Wasatu Pasta  

I consider Japanese cuisine the best because it uses the widest range of ingredients and cooking methods, and it’s the least wasteful.  Shrimp shells and heads, for instance, are appetizers instead of discarded.

Fried shrimp heads is what you get when you order live spot prawn sushi. Crunchy and yummy.  My favorite version of this in Seattle is at Shiki Restaurant in Queen Anne.

Japanese cuisine has always been quick to adopt foreign influences. Katzu, for example, is the Japanese version of Portuguese pork cutlet.  Ramen is a Chinese dish that the Japanese improved on and popularized throughout the world.

I ordered the Fettuccini Scallop Uni Cream Sauce Pasta and the Wagyu Beef Carpaccio.

Don’t remember what the greens in the middle are. Pieces of radish, focaccia bread, arugula, capers, fish eggs, and sprinkles of parmesan. Beef was sliced thin so it was tender, but it doesn’t look marbled enough to be Wagyu.

Fettuccini in Uni Cream.

I enjoyed what I had well enough, but I prefer to get Chinese food in downtown Richmond or Japanese food on the West End of Vancouver.  Both are accessible by rapid transit from the airport, 18 minutes to downtown Richmond, 30 to downtown Vancouver.

The Uni Fettuccini is good but I’d rather have it (and pasta in general) as an appetizer instead of a main.  It was too rich and creamy for me after four bites, it was a burden to finish.  Flavor-wise, it’s milder and a hint sweeter than typical alfredo fettuccini.  The portion is large enough to be shareable as an appetizer among four people. Same with the carpaccio appetizer.  Except for the fish eggs and miso seasoning, the carpaccio wasn’t noticeably different from standard carpaccio I’ve had.  Ultimately, I prefer meals served tapas style (small plates) typical at Japanese izakayas — you can create more balanced and interesting meals that way.  And I prefer no more than three or four bites of something.

Mexico City

Second visit — read about first one here —  this time as a launching pad to visit other cities I might want to move to.  Main difference I noticed since my last visit a year ago is that there are more Americans living in the city, more construction (gentrification), and everything is more expensive.  Locals blame Americans for driving up the prices.  And I’m not surprised many Americans in their 20s who work remotely are moving to Mexico City.  You can live an upper-middle class lifestyle here on $50,000/year, which would make you poor in NYC.

Stayed at the highly rated and touted Red Tree House,which is $100 less per day I paid to stay at the Sofitel (French hotel chain) next to the US embassy.  Here, you get free breakfast (fruit, yogurt, bread, and daily hot special) and happy hour, this is great for those who want to socialize with other American travelers.  (I didn’t).  No pool or fitness room, which is fine because I wanted to force myself to learn Spanish by going to a local gym.  I didn’t like my room — so small that there’s no room for yoga and the low (7 ft) ceilings made it feel smaller; shower was unpredictable; and the bed felt old and cheap.  But people love staying at this place for its charm and service.

Red Tree House is located in Condesa neighborhood, which reminds me Park Slope, Brooklyn.  It’s as bougie — yoga, pilates, pole dancing, Belgian restaurants that serve 15 USD waffles, vegan churrios, coffee shops everywhere, lots of dogs getting walked to the dog park — and 20% of its residents seem to be Americans.  It’s a pleasant neighborhood, just not interesting to someone trying to take a vacation FROM America and Americans.  I was in a restaurant and for awhile, all patrons were Americans.  So much English spoken in Condesa makes it difficult to learn Spanish.  Also, there isn’t a subway line in the neighborhood.

I spent three nights and days in Mexico City and I had a pinched nerve, so I didn’t venture far.  Below are a few videos of Condesa:

Doesn’t that look like Park Slope, Brooklyn?  Here’s a shot of Park Slope:

There’s a nice park in the neighborhood with a spacious dog park.

It’s full of restaurants that serve food that look like this:

I don’t recall what that was, I only remember thinking that I was in Park Slope, Brooklyn while eating it because the scene looked and sounded just like it.  Below is what I imagine old Condesa looked like, photo I took on this trip:

Patches of Condesa look like this.  The building on the right is being renovated and I’m assuming the one on the left will soon be demolished or renovated.

I spent the second day at the Soumaya Museum in Polanco neighborhood, considered the poshest and most prestigious in Mexico.  Like homes start at a million so I don’t think many Americans live there.  Whereas in Condesa, $250,000 will get you a nice two bedroom.  And Polanco looks sterile, though I didn’t explore it thoroughly.

Anyway, Soumaya Museum is iconicfor its architecture and interior design.

Lots of construction in Polanco too.  Costco (shown in video) is an upper class brand in Mexico.  (Middle to upper-middle in the US).  There’s a shopping mall next to the museum I wanted to explore but my leg was hurting so much that I headed back to the hotel.  Anyway, the interior of the museum below.

It’s cool looking, but that’s an extravagant use of space.  I wonder what the architects and interior designers were thinking.  Notice that Rodin’s The Thinker is here?  I had no idea, that was a fun surprise!

Back in Condesa, I looked for a traditional taqueria — tacos and beer.  Not many of them left in the neighborhood and oddly, there’s not a lot of street food.  I finally found one, and it was 2-1 taco pastors.

Six tacos and a liter of tasty Mexican dark beer for 6 USD!  So it’s still possible to eat well in Mexico City for under $10/per person.

I also tried a ramen place — Diego Ramen — that had a line out the door every time I passed it when I was in Mexico City a year ago.  This time it was nearly empty.  Here’s what I had:

Regular tonkatsu ramen.  Not bad, decent balance of protein and veggies.  This bowl costs 12 USD, while in Seattle, I pay $15 for ramen at Muto Izakaya.  I wonder if the price is why there’s no longer a line, or if I went at a typically slow time.  I seem to remember paying around 6 USD for a bowl of ramen the previous time I was in MC.  I also had gyozas, which they make well (in house) but then fuck up by frying the entire thing.

The skin isn’t too thick, it’s made well, but don’t fry the entire piece.  Either don’t fry it all, or only fry the bottom.  The contrast between the slightly crispy bottom and the billowy top all in one bite is partially what makes pot stickers enjoyable.

That’s all the time I had, the third day was spent at the gym and then to the airport to pick up a rental car.  Next stop would be Santiago de Queretaro, two and a half hour drive away.


Rabbits, So Many Rabbits! available on Kindle



Are you afraid your kids will grow up to be whiny dipshits who complain about stupid shit?  Has their school gone Woke?  Do you live in Woke Zombieland?  Then this is the children’s book for you and your kid(s)!  Rabbits, So Many Rabbits, explains basic economics to  kids and adults because those who don’t understand basic economics turn into dumbfucks who smell like Satan’s ass.  This book will teach your kids why some people become poor, while others become wealthy, and the risks it takes to become so.  This is the first book in our non-Woke education series, and it aims to teach kids that:

  • economics is NOT a zero-sum game, where for every winner there has to be a loser
  • resources are NOT limited because human ingenuity is infinite
  • the economy is a pie that some people grow larger, while others make smaller.

Those who believe that economics IS a zero-sum game and that resources ARE limited are likely to advocate all sorts of asinine policies, to become zombies, really.  Don’t let your kids turn into zombies, buy this book on Kindle today!  It’s free if you have Kindle Unlimited.

Check out the entire book on our YouTube channel.  This version lacks the illustration details that the Kindle version has, which means you’ll miss out on the jokes.  Remember to subscribe as we’ll soon be adding  new and quirky content.  The next book in the series is tentatively titled: Where Have All the Rabbits Gone?  It’s about what happens when dipshits implement their dumbfucking policies.